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Old 02-10-2018, 05:56 PM
 
2,567 posts, read 3,071,550 times
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I think if he is content, and you are content, it doesn't really matter. If he is working a great job, is a caring son, gets along well with you and your other son.... I wouldn't be worried.

We all don't have to be outgoing. Some people want a simple life. It is nice you have a close family unit.

Sure, I would talk with him about it. Non-judgmental. Tell him how you honestly feel. And ask him if he is ok with his current situation. What does he want long-term?
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Old 02-10-2018, 05:57 PM
 
Location: Michigan
114 posts, read 64,349 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Do you know if he had friends or dated while he was in college? Some college students will date and never bring home someone to meet the parents unless they are very serious or have proposed to them. Are there people his age at his job? Maybe he is social there. He is 30 now, how many years ago did he move home?
I know he did not date in college. I am not sure of the ages of people at his job but he doesn't seem to socialize with any of them. He moved home about four years ago.
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Old 02-10-2018, 06:07 PM
 
Location: Michigan
114 posts, read 64,349 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sfcambridge View Post
I think if he is content, and you are content, it doesn't really matter. If he is working a great job, is a caring son, gets along well with you and your other son.... I wouldn't be worried.

We all don't have to be outgoing. Some people want a simple life. It is nice you have a close family unit.

Sure, I would talk with him about it. Non-judgmental. Tell him how you honestly feel. And ask him if he is ok with his current situation. What does he want long-term?
Good advice. He is a very good son, absolutely no issues. He is saving a lot of money so he will be able to take care of himself when we are gone someday. He is more friends with his brother than anyone. I have two other adult children but they are married with kids who live on their own.
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Old 02-10-2018, 06:12 PM
 
Location: Southern New Hampshire
6,600 posts, read 11,465,979 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unsworth View Post
We have a son, one of four children, who is 30, and lives at home. He has a younger brother who is 14. He is a college graduate and has a great job. When he got this job he decided to live with us because it was within commuting range and he could save money by not having to pay for an apartment. We had no problem with that. He is an excellent son. No problems whatsoever. He is quiet by nature and reserved. He hangs out with his brother a lot. (We are a close knit family) At this rate, it looks like he could live with us for a long time. He does not have a girlfriend. He does not hang out with any male friends either. Am I too concerned about this? If he is content does it really matter?
Does he pay rent or expenses (e.g. utilities etc.)? You didn't mention that.

If he DOES and you are all satisfied with the arrangement, then it's fine, although to me quite sad that he has no apparent friends or a romantic partner (if he wants one).

If he DOESN'T pay rent or contribute to other household expenses, then even if you don't mind (which may be the case), to me that would be a huge red flag because it seems childlike and irresponsible for a 30-year-old. Then again, my parents moved 3,000 miles away just after I graduated from high school, and they didn't pay ANYTHING toward my college costs, so I became totally independent at 18. Honestly, it was rough sometimes, but I think independence is a great gift from parents to children.
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Old 02-10-2018, 06:37 PM
 
10,579 posts, read 4,984,569 times
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My concern would be why is so reclusive.
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Old 02-10-2018, 07:04 PM
 
Location: Inland FL
944 posts, read 533,593 times
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A 30 year old man should be living on his own. Ridiculous.
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Old 02-10-2018, 07:12 PM
 
285 posts, read 198,043 times
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IMHO your son needs to get out of mom and dad's house and live his life, not yours. Don't you want the best for your son? If he stays with mom and dad he'll have a difficult time starting his life, whatever that may be.


It's not about you being OK with him living with you. I agree with Floridarebel.
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Old 02-10-2018, 07:16 PM
 
Location: Michigan
114 posts, read 64,349 times
Reputation: 246
Quote:
Originally Posted by karen_in_nh_2012 View Post
Does he pay rent or expenses (e.g. utilities etc.)? You didn't mention that.

If he DOES and you are all satisfied with the arrangement, then it's fine, although to me quite sad that he has no apparent friends or a romantic partner (if he wants one).

If he DOESN'T pay rent or contribute to other household expenses, then even if you don't mind (which may be the case), to me that would be a huge red flag because it seems childlike and irresponsible for a 30-year-old. Then again, my parents moved 3,000 miles away just after I graduated from high school, and they didn't pay ANYTHING toward my college costs, so I became totally independent at 18. Honestly, it was rough sometimes, but I think independence is a great gift from parents to children.
He more than covers his expenses. He does not take advantage of us in any way.
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Old 02-10-2018, 07:25 PM
 
203 posts, read 60,632 times
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His brother is a child. He's a grown man. Could he be confused as to his sexuality?

Have you suggested counseling? Are you sure he's healthy, not depressed? If he were my son, well, he wouldn't be living at "home," to begin with. Our children mean everything to us. But I would be concerned and would take some action. But that's just me. I understand your concern and hope your son gets on with the rest of his life.
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Old 02-10-2018, 07:56 PM
 
Location: Lake Norman, NC
7,032 posts, read 10,682,604 times
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Tricky subject. We have close friends who is in a similar situation with their 25+ year old son.

He had been in rehab a couple of times for a drug addiction, has had it under control for several years, but continues to live at home. Has solid, full time employment, owns a nice car and the latest electronics, pays rent to his parents, but apparently enjoys the safety zone that their home offers to him.

I would think he would want more, but I can't see them pushing him out either.
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