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Old 02-11-2018, 03:02 PM
 
Location: Michigan
111 posts, read 56,083 times
Reputation: 245

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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
The way that the OP evaded the question about the son paying rent/expenses, I also assumed that he was not paying rent, or his share of the utilities, or his share of the groceries, etc. I am guessing that he may pay his own cell phone bill, his car payment and buy his own clothes ----something that many HS age teenagers do when they live at home.
I wasn't evading the question. He pays a flat sum every month to us. It supposed to cover his share of expenses. We don't separate out bills in the household. So you could say the amount that might be over expenses could be rent if you want to but I am not interested in making money of him. I am glad to see him save money, keeping it in the family. He pays all his personal expenses.
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Old 02-11-2018, 03:19 PM
 
Location: Michigan
111 posts, read 56,083 times
Reputation: 245
Quote:
Originally Posted by dysgenic View Post
My opinion is that i would be very concerned. Not having a girlfriend is one thing...but a young man without any friends at all? There is something going in there imo. Does he have hobbies and things he likes to do for fun? Is he overweight, and perhaps that is what is sapping his confidence?

I dont necessarily think its bad that he likes to hang out with his brother, just concerning his brother is his only social outlet.
He likes photography and has invested in cameras and such. He will play air-soft for fun with his younger brother and his friends. He is not overweight. Actually, he is handsome. I know he makes an impression on women because of the way they look at him when we are in public.
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Old 02-11-2018, 03:21 PM
 
Location: Michigan
111 posts, read 56,083 times
Reputation: 245
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
If he's happy and you're happy then that's all that matters.
You have a good point.
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Old 02-11-2018, 03:26 PM
 
1,130 posts, read 773,933 times
Reputation: 1818
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unsworth View Post
He likes photography and has invested in cameras and such. He will play air-soft for fun with his younger brother and his friends. He is not overweight. Actually, he is handsome. I know he makes an impression on women because of the way they look at him when we are in public.
I would be concerned about his happiness and his future personal life. But if he is so reserved it might be difficult to conduct a deep conversation. It might take finding a really serene evening, no others in the house, some wine, fire cracking in the fireplace, and a conversation starter that would reveal your own (or your close friend's) troubles, weaknesses, bad experience, struggles, failures, or something like this. It should be a very, very long one-to-one evening, no interruption even in theory possible. Like, sending your husband with the younger son to another city for couple of days. Maybe even faking a migraine, and making him help you with getting meds, water, wrapping your feet with warm blanket, etc. Making him sit with you and feel stronger than you and caring for you.
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Old 02-11-2018, 03:27 PM
 
Location: Michigan
111 posts, read 56,083 times
Reputation: 245
Quote:
Originally Posted by sfcambridge View Post
Honestly, that's the way many families lived for generations. It Also helped seniors from getting lonely and having to hire help to stay independent.

We could learn a lot from close families theses days. Although many of us don't have the luxury even if we wanted it. Work and work instability can keep us far from our families.
My parents once had three generations living in the same home. I don't have any problems with my kids living with me. I also don't try to hold them at home either. This son just happens to be the quiet one that wants to stay. I have two other adult children who are married living on their own and seven grandchildren. I just want them to be happy.
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Old 02-11-2018, 03:32 PM
 
Location: Michigan
111 posts, read 56,083 times
Reputation: 245
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
Some people are very introverted. Some people are not interested in having sex with another person. Some people don't want to have children.

If he is happy this way, and it works for you guys, I think that's great. I'm just sad for him that after you guys are both gone, and his younger brother is off and married and probably moves away, he's going to be alone. On the other hand, he's probably going to be the one to take care of/coordinate care for the two of you in your old age, which is wonderful for you guys, as you won't have to leave your home.

Is he responsible about saving and investing for retirement? You already said he's paying more than his share of the operating costs of the home, and if that's so, it's ridiculous to charge him rent. And if he turns into the one who is doing the lion's share of coordinating your old age care at home, which is his home, too, it seems that he should then inherit the house.

The main issue is, is he happy this way? If it's that he really would like to have friends and a relationship, but doesn't know how to do it, there are group therapy sessions that can help him learn how to connect with others socially, romantically, sexually. But if he really doesn't want these things, then you should happily accept that he will live with you for the rest of your lives. In a way, lucky you! Just as long as HE doesn't want more from life.
You made some excellent points. Yes, he is very responsible about saving and retirement.
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Old 02-11-2018, 03:35 PM
 
1,755 posts, read 980,910 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Maybe he is unlike most people and he is okay with his own company and doesnít see it worth the effort to create a bunch of superficial connections just to say he isnít alone. Just a thought. I just hate the stigma society assigns to us loners.
Yeah, like i said- i doubt it.
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Old 02-11-2018, 03:47 PM
 
Location: Southern New Hampshire
6,448 posts, read 11,054,071 times
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OP, charging a 30-year-old "kid" rent is not making money off them; it's teaching them how to live on their own, as independent adults. Most of us learn that LONG before 30.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unsworth View Post
My parents once had three generations living in the same home. I don't have any problems with my kids living with me. I also don't try to hold them at home either. This son just happens to be the quiet one that wants to stay. I have two other adult children who are married living on their own and seven grandchildren. I just want them to be happy.
Again: have you asked him if he thinks he'll still be living with you (with no friends, no romantic partner, even his younger brother probably gone by then) at 35? at 40? at 50?

If he says "yes" -- although I think he might be too embarrassed to say that -- then are you and your wife OK with that? From what you've posted, it sounds like the answer is "yes" -- so I hope it all works out.

But sorry, I just find the situation really sad. I have a hard time believing that living with his parents forever is what your son really wanted for his life.
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Old 02-11-2018, 04:02 PM
 
Location: Michigan
111 posts, read 56,083 times
Reputation: 245
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Maybe he is unlike most people and he is okay with his own company and doesnít see it worth the effort to create a bunch of superficial connections just to say he isnít alone. Just a thought. I just hate the stigma society assigns to us loners.
He is a kind of self-contained guy. There is nothing wrong with being a loner.
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Old 02-11-2018, 04:11 PM
 
1,755 posts, read 980,910 times
Reputation: 1788
I would say that the fact that he hangs around w his brother demonstrates he has some level of desire for social interaction.
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