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Old 02-11-2018, 04:11 PM
 
Location: Michigan
113 posts, read 64,170 times
Reputation: 246

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Quote:
Originally Posted by karen_in_nh_2012 View Post
OP, charging a 30-year-old "kid" rent is not making money off them; it's teaching them how to live on their own, as independent adults. Most of us learn that LONG before 30.



Again: have you asked him if he thinks he'll still be living with you (with no friends, no romantic partner, even his younger brother probably gone by then) at 35? at 40? at 50?

If he says "yes" -- although I think he might be too embarrassed to say that -- then are you and your wife OK with that? From what you've posted, it sounds like the answer is "yes" -- so I hope it all works out.

But sorry, I just find the situation really sad. I have a hard time believing that living with his parents forever is what your son really wanted for his life.
I am not sure why you perceive it to be so sad a situation. Does everybody have to follow the program of getting married, X amount of children, home on Maple Street, etc. If our son does want something else for his life as you say then we will never hold him back.
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Old 02-11-2018, 04:20 PM
 
1,835 posts, read 1,040,713 times
Reputation: 1933
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unsworth View Post
He likes photography and has invested in cameras and such. He will play air-soft for fun with his younger brother and his friends. He is not overweight. Actually, he is handsome. I know he makes an impression on women because of the way they look at him when we are in public.
Photography strikes me as a very solidary activitity. Does he have any interests that might be more social? Maybe church, gym/working out, sports or all competition, cars, etc....

In general being good at something makes socializing and making friends easier.
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Old 02-11-2018, 04:49 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,020 posts, read 20,133,063 times
Reputation: 19411
My son is very much like this. I kept pressuring him to go out, make more friends. He finally asked me why. He was happy with the few friends he had.

Every person is different. You have to flat out ask your son. I would absolutely encourage him to go out and do things, he needs to find joy without you.
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Old 02-11-2018, 05:04 PM
 
1,835 posts, read 1,040,713 times
Reputation: 1933
Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
My son is very much like this. I kept pressuring him to go out, make more friends. He finally asked me why. He was happy with the few friends he had.

Every person is different. You have to flat out ask your son. I would absolutely encourage him to go out and do things, he needs to find joy without you.
But the OPs son doesnt have few friends...he has 0 (and never did). Plus never dated or had a girlfriend. Plus wants to hang out at home at the age of 30.

Def cause for concern imo.
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Old 02-11-2018, 05:20 PM
 
Location: Northern VA (for now)
22,555 posts, read 31,371,014 times
Reputation: 29605
Quote:
Originally Posted by dysgenic View Post
But the OPs son doesnt have few friends...he has 0 (and never did). Plus never dated or had a girlfriend. Plus wants to hang out at home at the age of 30.

Def cause for concern imo.
Oh the horror, doesn't see the need to go out and waste money every weekend or date when he really isn't interested in dating or sex.
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Old 02-11-2018, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Texas
581 posts, read 457,852 times
Reputation: 1723
By your original post, I feel like you wrote for outside opinions NOT because you have any concerns but rather because people in your life have challenged you on the health of your situation w.r. to your son. That is, I think you think it is 100% fine and that it is maybe your other children (who have already launched) who have concerns (and maybe your husband as well).


Op, it is one thing for your son to stay with for a short period of time to save money and it’s another thing for it to be 4 years plus. It is one thing if he has a healthy social life (a few close friends or a partner) and it’s another thing for him to only socialize with 14 year olds.

Also, the success or failure of your other children has nothing to do with your son. My husband’s grandmother had 4 children. She specifically kept one son to herself. The other three successfully launched but this one particular son, she kept for herself. He lived right next door to her his entire life. Later in life, he finally met a woman. He was 50 years old. He died 2 years later. Before he met his wife, he was literally slowly eating himself to death. He was a very gentle man. He never seemed unhappy. But he never seemed happy either. She had basically just brainwashed him from the beginning of his life to be her emotionally life support. He never knew anything different.

Just something to think about.

Btw, I am an introvert myself. So, I appreciate alone time. But there is a difference between 1 to 2 close friends to zero age appropriate adult interaction. I think if you had said that he did have friends or a partner, most people who have posted would think the situation was ok.
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Old 02-11-2018, 06:13 PM
 
Location: Florida
3,727 posts, read 2,907,760 times
Reputation: 7870
Quote:
Originally Posted by dysgenic View Post
But the OPs son doesnt have few friends...he has 0 (and never did). Plus never dated or had a girlfriend. Plus wants to hang out at home at the age of 30.

Def cause for concern imo.
He must have some friends because he plays airsoft with them. I took the OP to mean that he doesn’t go out regularly.
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Old 02-11-2018, 06:55 PM
 
1,835 posts, read 1,040,713 times
Reputation: 1933
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
He must have some friends because he plays airsoft with them. I took the OP to mean that he doesn’t go out regularly.
No she said he plays airsoft with his brother and his brothers friends....

And like i said earlier, i dont think him hanging out with hus brother and his brothers circle of friends is concerning in and of itself. But if his 14 yr old brother and his 14yr old brothers circle of friends is is only social outlet at the age of 30- yes thats a problem.
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Old 02-11-2018, 07:35 PM
 
Location: Houston, Texas
1,668 posts, read 3,909,949 times
Reputation: 3010
A grown man who interacts with children as his main source of socialization has problems, real problems.

It's even more concerning that the OP is trying to normalize the situation.


Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
He must have some friends because he plays airsoft with them.
Nope, unfortunately this man plays air-soft with middle schoolers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unsworth View Post
He will play air-soft for fun with his younger brother and his friends.
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Old 02-11-2018, 08:13 PM
 
Location: here
24,281 posts, read 28,223,661 times
Reputation: 30369
I don't think his living at home is concerning by itself. I know other young adults who live with their parents, but they have full social lives. No, he doesn't have to get married and have kids, but he should have social interaction with people his own age. Playing airsoft with people 16 years younger than him is not normal. I have a 14 year old, and if there was a 30 year old, single man, living with his parents, who regularly joined him and his friends to play, I'd be worried.
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