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Old Yesterday, 01:52 PM
 
Location: Michigan
78 posts, read 38,064 times
Reputation: 165

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We have a son, one of four children, who is 30, and lives at home. He has a younger brother who is 14. He is a college graduate and has a great job. When he got this job he decided to live with us because it was within commuting range and he could save money by not having to pay for an apartment. We had no problem with that. He is an excellent son. No problems whatsoever. He is quiet by nature and reserved. He hangs out with his brother a lot. (We are a close knit family) At this rate, it looks like he could live with us for a long time. He does not have a girlfriend. He does not hang out with any male friends either. Am I too concerned about this? If he is content does it really matter?
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Old Yesterday, 01:57 PM
 
Location: Denver area
20,585 posts, read 20,902,650 times
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Is your concern his happiness in general or are you fearful he'll never leave?

Have you spoken to him about it?
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Old Yesterday, 02:26 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
14,469 posts, read 13,758,891 times
Reputation: 31996
Have you ever asked him if was "content" with the status quo?

Is this something new? Or, did he have male friends that he hung around with during HS and college? Did he date in HS and college?

I know a brother and sister who are in their early 70s who are still living at home (their parents died years ago) in their childhood bedrooms. Both were self employed in the family business (farm) but it wasn't until recently (the last 15 years) that I heard them express regrets that they never went out very much and had friends or dated or got married. Their sister died about 15 years ago and I think that they realized that they were all alone in the world, no spouses or children, no nieces or nephews, no/few friends and even the cousins that were about their age were/are starting to pass away.
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Old Yesterday, 03:05 PM
 
Location: Michigan
78 posts, read 38,064 times
Reputation: 165
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Is your concern his happiness in general or are you fearful he'll never leave?

Have you spoken to him about it?
I am concerned for his happiness. He could live with us forever but eventually we will be gone. I guess he would have to move on by that time.
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Old Yesterday, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Michigan
78 posts, read 38,064 times
Reputation: 165
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Have you ever asked him if was "content" with the status quo?

Is this something new? Or, did he have male friends that he hung around with during HS and college? Did he date in HS and college?

I know a brother and sister who are in their early 70s who are still living at home (their parents died years ago) in their childhood bedrooms. Both were self employed in the family business (farm) but it wasn't until recently (the last 15 years) that I heard them express regrets that they never went out very much and had friends or dated or got married. Their sister died about 15 years ago and I think that they realized that they were all alone in the world, no spouses or children, no nieces or nephews, no/few friends and even the cousins that were about their age were/are starting to pass away.
I will ask him straight out if he is content. He has always been quiet. He had a few friends when he was younger and has never had a girlfriend.
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Old Yesterday, 03:31 PM
 
9,429 posts, read 5,527,047 times
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I think for most people, not dating by the time they are 30 is a red flag and that they aren't content. Of course, there are people who prefer that...most don't and its very lonely for them, I think.

But I don't know what you can really do to give help with that without crossing a line.
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Old Yesterday, 04:02 PM
 
4,942 posts, read 3,656,133 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unsworth View Post
I will ask him straight out if he is content. He has always been quiet. He had a few friends when he was younger and has never had a girlfriend.
He may be content, but is that really all you want for him? At 30 unless hes in school or saving for his own place, he should be out on his own. Staying at home makes it easier for him to not engage with people his own age and make friends. Do you see him living at home at 40 or 50 as healthy? If not, you may have to give him love, support and a big push out the door.
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Old Yesterday, 04:28 PM
 
114 posts, read 27,061 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unsworth View Post
I am concerned for his happiness. He could live with us forever but eventually we will be gone. I guess he would have to move on by that time.
Not necessarily. He would inherit your home (if you own it).
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Old Yesterday, 05:57 PM
 
Location: Former LI'er Now a Rehoboth Beach Bunny
6,777 posts, read 8,590,647 times
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He is far better content and living with you than married and divorced because he had not found the one to marry. I would be more concerned that he seems to be friendless than the fact that he is at home.
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Old Yesterday, 06:00 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
14,469 posts, read 13,758,891 times
Reputation: 31996
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unsworth View Post
I will ask him straight out if he is content. He has always been quiet. He had a few friends when he was younger and has never had a girlfriend.
Do you know if he had friends or dated while he was in college? Some college students will date and never bring home someone to meet the parents unless they are very serious or have proposed to them. Are there people his age at his job? Maybe he is social there. He is 30 now, how many years ago did he move home?
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