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Old 02-13-2018, 01:31 PM
 
Location: STL area
477 posts, read 244,611 times
Reputation: 813

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It's totally bad manners, but I learned to just suck it up and plan for it and deal with it. If I really needed no extra kids, I was very explicit about it in my invitation, but honestly, I could usually handle the extras. It just didn't feel worth it to me to let it bother me.

I suppose people have no place else to go with siblings and don't want a kid to miss out on a party. I've had more parents come expecting the sibling to just sit and watch than expecting to just participate, and I've always invited the sibling to participate.

That said, I have NEVER had someone drop off kids and leave siblings. It was always at the ages where the parents wanted to stick around that they brought extra kids. Dropping off extra kids would cross a line for me. I seriously can't even fathom someone doing that.
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Old 02-14-2018, 06:53 AM
 
651 posts, read 552,624 times
Reputation: 888
We've never done a drop off birthday party. Once or twice, parents have included in the invite that you can drop off but I didn't and when we got there, almost all of the parents stayed and didn't drop off so seems to be the born in our area. In fact 99% of the parties are at kids activity locations not at home.

Wrt taking other siblings, I've done it several times when DH wasnt available to watch the others or another kid had an event and we divide and conquer. I always reach out to the parent of the birthday kid to ask if it was okay and I ALWAYS pay the entry fees for my non invited kid(s). It's either take the other kid with us or my child doesn't go to the party. Lots of other parents have brought other kids to my kids parties and it was no big deal. But again, not a drop off. I wouldn't take another kid is drop off.
I just really don't like kids birthday parties.. there's always something.. :-)

This thread makes me think of a 5th birthday my son was invited to, he was 4.5. My daughter who was 6 (so pretty similar ages) hard to come with us. I contacted the mom and she said sure, no problem, just pay for her entry. I did just that and paid$15 when we got there. Imagine my annoyance when at the end she was handing out the usual dollar store party favors and she didn't give me daughter standing in line with her brother. She gave me son and shipped my daughter. When my daughter said what about me, she told her, the favors we for the kids that were actually invited not ones like her. This was in the presence of all the other kids and parents. So my daughter started crying quietly. My son tried to give her his favor (crap like pencil, eraser, character plastic cup and candies) and then a few other parents/ kids came and wanted to share their stuff when her. I said thanks but don't worry. I was quite pissed because the mom was being very mean for no reason. I quietly told my son to give the mom back his favor with thanks and took my kids and we left. Stopped by for ice cream on the way and DD forgot about it. Next year, we got invited to same kids birthday, I rsvp'd that sorry we couldn't make it.

Last edited by COCUE; 02-14-2018 at 07:02 AM..
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Old 02-14-2018, 01:26 PM
 
Location: St. Louis, MO
3,626 posts, read 4,808,286 times
Reputation: 3894
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
My daughter had 3 siblings show up at her party. The parents just dropped off the kids and left, like it was free childcare for a couple of hours. The siblings were much younger than the other kids and one of them was a toddler and cried the whole time. My daughter went to another b-day party this week and the same thing happened to the parents who hosted the party: younger siblings dropped off, parents walked out real fast.


So for my child's b-day next year, instead of a party, we're going to do something alternative. I'm thinking maybe she can take a friend to a movie place to get their nails/hair done, then dinner.
That is definitely out of line. I've always brought my three children to Birthday parties together (they're 2, 3 and 4 right now), but I've always checked in advance that it is ok if we all come. Obviously, they're at the age where I still stay with them myself at parties.

In terms of 'drop off' parties when they are older, I absolutely wouldn't drop all 3 off unless all 3 are invited.
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Old 02-14-2018, 04:46 PM
 
Location: DFW/Texas
683 posts, read 554,112 times
Reputation: 2060
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irish Eyes View Post
From my experience could be central NJ as well. Why include when it's just so much fun to exclude!



Yawn ^^

Just because there are kids in a class does NOT mean that they share friendships. Our kids have friends and they have classmates. We are not comfortable hosting kids we don't know and/or have never heard our daughters talk about except in passing. We've asked them numerous times and they tell us they'd rather have a more specialized party with their best friends rather than having all of the class kids over and just running around going nuts.

And we live in DFW, as you can plainly see from my signature.
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Old 02-16-2018, 08:53 AM
 
11,875 posts, read 13,821,537 times
Reputation: 13190
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Why do some parents bring other siblings to a b-day party when only one sibling was invited? I thought this was bad manners.
It is extremely bad manners...why do they do it?
It's free babysitting ....what else could it be?
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Old 04-16-2018, 06:56 AM
 
17 posts, read 2,508 times
Reputation: 20
A lot of parents do bring siblings because it is convenient. I think it is rude not to let you know. Aside from paying for another kid, you are going to be short on party favors! To prevent the awkward situation you should clarify in your invitation whether siblings are welcome or not.
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Old 04-16-2018, 08:18 AM
 
2,147 posts, read 1,038,624 times
Reputation: 2274
I think parents here do it because they don’t have alternate childcare but they always ask first. I have never just dropped my child off and left unless it was a sleepover though. When we do invites I always say “siblings welcome” but would never let them stay without the parents. That’s tacky and extremely rude.
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Old 04-17-2018, 06:14 AM
 
1,598 posts, read 2,445,486 times
Reputation: 1477
Depends on the circumstances. If it is a drop-off party, there is no reason to bring the sibling along.

If it is not a drop-off party and is at a venue (where there is likely a per-head cost), my kid just won't go. I'm not asking the parent. They might be too kind to say no, but I know it costs them extra. If it is not a drop-off party at a house, I'd ask first.

Speaking for myself, if a parent asks me (venue or house party) if their sibling can come - sure why not? The more the merrier.
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Old 04-21-2018, 11:45 AM
 
47,169 posts, read 47,171,917 times
Reputation: 52477
Quote:
Originally Posted by COCUE View Post
We've never done a drop off birthday party. Once or twice, parents have included in the invite that you can drop off but I didn't and when we got there, almost all of the parents stayed and didn't drop off so seems to be the born in our area. In fact 99% of the parties are at kids activity locations not at home.

Wrt taking other siblings, I've done it several times when DH wasnt available to watch the others or another kid had an event and we divide and conquer. I always reach out to the parent of the birthday kid to ask if it was okay and I ALWAYS pay the entry fees for my non invited kid(s). It's either take the other kid with us or my child doesn't go to the party. Lots of other parents have brought other kids to my kids parties and it was no big deal. But again, not a drop off. I wouldn't take another kid is drop off.
I just really don't like kids birthday parties.. there's always something.. :-)

This thread makes me think of a 5th birthday my son was invited to, he was 4.5. My daughter who was 6 (so pretty similar ages) hard to come with us. I contacted the mom and she said sure, no problem, just pay for her entry. I did just that and paid$15 when we got there. Imagine my annoyance when at the end she was handing out the usual dollar store party favors and she didn't give me daughter standing in line with her brother. She gave me son and shipped my daughter. When my daughter said what about me, she told her, the favors we for the kids that were actually invited not ones like her. This was in the presence of all the other kids and parents. So my daughter started crying quietly. My son tried to give her his favor (crap like pencil, eraser, character plastic cup and candies) and then a few other parents/ kids came and wanted to share their stuff when her. I said thanks but don't worry. I was quite pissed because the mom was being very mean for no reason. I quietly told my son to give the mom back his favor with thanks and took my kids and we left. Stopped by for ice cream on the way and DD forgot about it. Next year, we got invited to same kids birthday, I rsvp'd that sorry we couldn't make it.
I am not sure why you expected that your daughter would get a party favor. I mean, it would have been nice if she'd had extras, but your daughter was in fact NOT invited to the party. YOU dragged her into it, and so YOU should have spoken to your daughter ahead of time to explain that since she was not actually invited to this event that she should anticipate not being treated the same as a kid who was. You missed a teachable moment about social norms and expectations.

Your whole story doesn't make sense though. Why would you need child care for your other child when your son was going to a birthday party???? That left you and your daughter free to do something else together during the time your son was at the party. I think this one was on you, Mom. It looks as though you shoved your daughter in somewhere that she didn't belong to begin with, and you set her up for some hurt by doing so.
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Old 04-22-2018, 01:18 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
441 posts, read 284,948 times
Reputation: 549
Around here, in my smallish town of 14k population birthday parties up till preschool/pre-k tend to be just among families then small class parties during preschool years where all the parents tend to stay/hang out. No drop offs at all.

Kindergarten ages it's a mix as most parties tend to be held at public venues where it's either drop off or some moms hang out with other moms and chat. After first grade, like my oldest son is at now; all parties are at venues now with only one whole class invite, and other parties were invites with select number of kids that birthday boy consider his friends/play often. I expected those to be drop offs, but to my surprise at the last 2-3 parties all the moms stayed to chat, not even one did drop off.

really depends on the moms friendships/select friends, but that seem to be the norm. I was told it's after 2nd grade that it really starts to be all drop offs cuz space is limited or the parents of birthday boy tend to take the kids out someplace since parties is small up to 5-10 kids total.

btw, that is my pet peeve with uninvited sibs and complete drop offs without permission. Totally rude and I refuse to be responsible for kids younger than 6 years old while im trying to play host.
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