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My son will be one next week. Like most babies, he bites things when he's teething or hungry. In the last month or so, he's started being mobile enough to climb on me or the furniture, and he uses his teeth to gain purchase in addition to his hands. He will also bite at my shoulder if I'm holding him.
My ideal response is an "Ouch!" followed by a firm "No biting, biting hurts Mama" and I set him down where he can't reach me for a minute, which of course makes him angry. Unfortunately, because it really does hurt *a lot* my response is not always as calm and consistent as I want it to be. I also try to redirect him to something he can chew on, but usually he just throws it because he's upset. Interestingly, this is the approach I usrd to get him to stop biting when nursing, and for that purpose it worked pretty well.
Have any of you dealt with this? Any ideas? I really want to curb this behaviour early before he ends up biting someone else. Thanks!
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 1 day ago)
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It's absolutely fine not to be calm, Ama. Even shrieking in pain is ok and acting angry. A very firm, loud "STOP BITING ME!!" with a very angry face works better than trying to remain calm and redirect.
If he's a biter, it's very likely he will bite other children.
And I don't know how to stop that, because the only sure fire method that works the first time it's tried is allowing the other child to bite back hard, which of course, is frowned upon.
For the time being, shrieking out and putting him down in anger are ok. We don't have to be robots. ;D This isn't the first time he's done it, and he knows it hurts you but he's doing it anyway. Responding appropriately with anger works.
Also, parents make a mistake when they talk to their small children in the third person. That's not correct English, and it's confusing. Instead of "that hurts mommy", it's "that hurts me".
I can't rep you, Clara, but I appreciate the response. This is my only child (and the only baby I've ever dealt with for more than a few minutes at a time) so it's hard to know quite how best to teach him. On the one hand, I think babies in general understand a lot more than they are given credit for; but I also know I can't expect him to process and reason the way an adult would.
It's interesting what you say about talking in the third person. Most of the parenting books I've read say that babies aren't able to connect abstract pronouns with people and recommend starting with the third person. I'd say we're about 50/50 with first and third person now. Just goes to show there are never clear-cut answers with parenting decisions!
It's fine to just say NO in a loud voice. You don't need to offer an explanation of why he can't do something. When he's older, offering explanations makes sense, but for now, it makes you less effective. It's kind of a pet peeve of mine, my sister does it and while she's still explaining why you don't do one bad behavior, the kid has moved on to the next bad behavior which she then has to explain why he can't do, and so on. She follows him around from one mishap to the next, lecturing in a sugary sweet voice "it's wrong to jump on the furniture when the furniture doesn't belong to us, it's wrong to run around screaming because it might be disturbing to some people" and so on. It's obvious he's not hearing any of what she's saying, and a good loud "no" stops him in his tracks. As a bonus, he usually sits down and looks up at me for a while because he's not used to hearing that word at that volume.
My husband used the third person for so long that my kids started covering their hands with their ears and saying "Not the creepy third person again, Dad!" I assumed he was doing it because he has trouble expressing his feelings.
I didn't mean to sound so harsh. I just get frustrated with the books they're putting out now that seem to make it harder to be a parent. Being a parent is already hard enough.
It's absolutely fine not to be calm, Ama. Even shrieking in pain is ok and acting angry. A very firm, loud "STOP BITING ME!!" with a very angry face works better than trying to remain calm and redirect.
If he's a biter, it's very likely he will bite other children.
And I don't know how to stop that, because the only sure fire method that works the first time it's tried is allowing the other child to bite back hard, which of course, is frowned upon.
For the time being, shrieking out and putting him down in anger are ok. We don't have to be robots. ;D This isn't the first time he's done it, and he knows it hurts you but he's doing it anyway. Responding appropriately with anger works.
Also, parents make a mistake when they talk to their small children in the third person. That's not correct English, and it's confusing. Instead of "that hurts mommy", it's "that hurts me".
I agree. Look at it this way, if an older child or a stranger bit you would you say in a mild voice "Ouch" and then calmly move away? Nope, you would probably say in a loud, maybe angry, voice "Ouch, That Hurts!" or "No! Don't bite me!". Of course, don't try to scare him, but it is better to make it clear that biting you, or anyone else, is unacceptable behavior.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 1 day ago)
35,583 posts, read 17,927,273 times
Reputation: 50620
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlaskaAma
I can't rep you, Clara, but I appreciate the response. This is my only child (and the only baby I've ever dealt with for more than a few minutes at a time) so it's hard to know quite how best to teach him. On the one hand, I think babies in general understand a lot more than they are given credit for; but I also know I can't expect him to process and reason the way an adult would.
It's interesting what you say about talking in the third person. Most of the parenting books I've read say that babies aren't able to connect abstract pronouns with people and recommend starting with the third person. I'd say we're about 50/50 with first and third person now. Just goes to show there are never clear-cut answers with parenting decisions!
Well that's for sure. But I really think speaking correctly to your children from birth - and no baby talk - helps them develop correct language early. Of course you use simpler language and more basic words, but I think babies get "me" and "you" pretty early. And then you don't have a child who says "Jason is hungry", which is kind of a startling thing to hear your kid say, except that's the way he's been taught to speak. ;D
I didn't mean to sound so harsh. I just get frustrated with the books they're putting out now that seem to make it harder to be a parent. Being a parent is already hard enough.
Especially when some of the books have mixed advice.
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