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My daughter is going of to college in the fall. We live in FL and she will be going to college in FL that is about 2 hours from home. My husband and I really would like to move to NC. The question is should we? My daughter has told my sister that she wants us to stay here and she would miss us if we move. My point is that if we move to NC, she can take an hour and fifteen minute flight to us. I really would like her to go with us. I'm hoping once she graduates in 2 years, she will move to NC by us. She says she wants to stay in FL b/c she grew up here most of her life and all her friends are here. I told her friends move on, but family will always be there. You can always meet new friends. Anyhow, my question is, should we stay in FL until she graduates or move on? I would miss her dearly also. It's tuff to let go.
Speaking from my own experiences, I would stay at least another 2 years and then maybe the whole time. You never know what could happen when she is away at school. Always be prepared for the worst. While she is grown up, and taking a step in a new direction, it sounds like she's a bit of a homebody, or at least very close to her family. My niece went away to college just a few hours from my sister. There were times when she needed a "mother's love", breakups, girl trouble, and even tonsilitis. Im assuming that she still lives at home which is going to make it even more "challenging". Stay close by, at least for the first 2 years. Make sure she wants to continue her stay away at school before you move. While Im sure she is mature, everyone likes to be nurtured. It'll be comforting for her to know that if she became very sick, or injured, you wouldn't be 500 miles away. Im sure that'll be an ease for your mind also..
My daughter is going of to college in the fall. We live in FL and she will be going to college in FL that is about 2 hours from home. My husband and I really would like to move to NC. The question is should we? My daughter has told my sister that she wants us to stay here and she would miss us if we move. My point is that if we move to NC, she can take an hour and fifteen minute flight to us. I really would like her to go with us. I'm hoping once she graduates in 2 years, she will move to NC by us. She says she wants to stay in FL b/c she grew up here most of her life and all her friends are here. I told her friends move on, but family will always be there. You can always meet new friends. Anyhow, my question is, should we stay in FL until she graduates or move on? I would miss her dearly also. It's tuff to let go.
OK, you say that your family will always be there, but you want to leave Florida (where she is) and move to NC? And then you feel as if she should move to be with you all? Now, I totally respect your decision to move, but definitly feel that this is pretty flawed reasoning. I agree with not moving as soon as she gets to college would be good, as that would be even more of an adjustment for her. After 6 months or so, re-assess and then see what you think. If she seems to be doing well adjusting to college, then definitly move if you want. BUT don't expect her to move to NC!
Being the parent of a current college freshman, I would advise you to remain in Florida, at least until she makes it into her second semester. College is a very trying time for these kids, whether they want to admit it or not! they really do need a "home base" to come back to and feel safe. The first semester is usually very difficult for them, both academicly and family and friends. They have to find new friends, get adjusted to new living arrangements etc. You will be surprised how thankful they are when they get that break and come home at the holidays. they tend to have a better appreciation of family at that time.
I would put off a move until she is established in school. I think it's just too many changes at once for a young girl. Her life is changing so much, it's very important that the stability of home as she's always known it, stay in tact for a while - know what I mean?
Thanks for all the advice! I understand what you're all saying about staying close by. Although, all she talks about is moving out of of the house and going to college to be independent. When I ask her if she wants us to stay in FL, all I get is it doesn't matter. I don't care and if you want to go to NC, I wish you would. I told her, we would stay to support her and if she needs to come home, we would be here. She says, let me take care of myself, don't worry about me, I'll be an adult. I know this is part of being independent and growing up. I wonder if doesn't care if we stay here or she's just saying that because she doesn't realize our support. It gets me so mad and I feel like saying screw it because I don't thinks she appreciates us doing this for her. I want to be there for her and I want her to be successful, but if she doesn't care, I just feel like moving on. Does anyone have any opinions about this attitude and what do you get out of it?
Thanks for all the advice! I understand what you're all saying about staying close by. Although, all she talks about is moving out of of the house and going to college to be independent. When I ask her if she wants us to stay in FL, all I get is it doesn't matter. I don't care and if you want to go to NC, I wish you would. I told her, we would stay to support her and if she needs to come home, we would be here. She says, let me take care of myself, don't worry about me, I'll be an adult. I know this is part of being independent and growing up. I wonder if doesn't care if we stay here or she's just saying that because she doesn't realize our support. It gets me so mad and I feel like saying screw it because I don't thinks she appreciates us doing this for her. I want to be there for her and I want her to be successful, but if she doesn't care, I just feel like moving on. Does anyone have any opinions about this attitude and what do you get out of it?
I would say that most people are super excited about their independence and going to college, and many have a very hard 6 month or so adjustment period! I wouldn't ask her about this now as she has no clue how her adjustment will be. Just reassess later. It sounds like you are struggling with your daughters independence. This is a hard time for parents too!
My daughter is going of to college in the fall. We live in FL and she will be going to college in FL that is about 2 hours from home. My husband and I really would like to move to NC. The question is should we? My daughter has told my sister that she wants us to stay here and she would miss us if we move. My point is that if we move to NC, she can take an hour and fifteen minute flight to us. I really would like her to go with us. I'm hoping once she graduates in 2 years, she will move to NC by us. She says she wants to stay in FL b/c she grew up here most of her life and all her friends are here. I told her friends move on, but family will always be there. You can always meet new friends. Anyhow, my question is, should we stay in FL until she graduates or move on? I would miss her dearly also. It's tuff to let go.
We had a situation a lot like yours. We moved to NC 3 weeks after our youngest daughter graduated from high school in MA. We had decided to move in Jan and by then she didn't have much time to apply to schools in NC but she did apply to one. Long story short, she ended up getting a great scholarship to a state school in MA so we moved to NC and then in August I drove her and her sister to MA for college. Now the fact that her older sister is in the same town at college is a big relief for me. The girls didn't see our new house finished and moved into until they came home in December. It's strange but the person it has been hardest on is my husband. He can't stand to have his girls so far away. The oldest is graduating in May and has been accepted to grad school at NC State and the youngest has decided to transfer to UNC Wilmington which will be about an hour and a half from us. At the begining of the year she was very against transfering down here and I said sort of the same thing you did about getting new friends and family will always be there, well I think she realized that and now sees that friends do come and go and your true friends will always be there for you. She knows now that rather than a 2 hour plane trip that has to be booked in advance so it doesn't cost an arm and a leg she will only be a car ride a way.
Will she have any family in FL she can rely on if she needs someone close by? That was key to us too since all our family is still in MA.
Thanks for all the advice! I understand what you're all saying about staying close by. Although, all she talks about is moving out of of the house and going to college to be independent. When I ask her if she wants us to stay in FL, all I get is it doesn't matter. I don't care and if you want to go to NC, I wish you would. I told her, we would stay to support her and if she needs to come home, we would be here. She says, let me take care of myself, don't worry about me, I'll be an adult. I know this is part of being independent and growing up. I wonder if doesn't care if we stay here or she's just saying that because she doesn't realize our support. It gets me so mad and I feel like saying screw it because I don't thinks she appreciates us doing this for her. I want to be there for her and I want her to be successful, but if she doesn't care, I just feel like moving on. Does anyone have any opinions about this attitude and what do you get out of it?
I have very strong feelings on this issue. There are some kids who are ready to be independent after high school graduation, however many are not even close to being ready. These kids should not be considered 'moved out' simply because they've gone off to college. Redecorating their rooms to make an office, scrapbook or room guest room is bad enough in these kids minds, but moving away could be unforgivable to a handful of these kids. They indeed need to know they have a soft place to land and to be able to call it 'theirs'. Some need this for just the first semester, others up to two full years before they are ready to be on their own.
I think if you really want to be there for her and you want her to be successful, then you'll choose to stay where you are and continue to be a parent to your child for at least a full year. Your choice of words 'I just feel like moving on' indicate you are ready to quit being a parent. Hopefully that's not what you meant and instead you are just struggling with how to be a parent to a young adult. College is a transitional time not a cut the strings time, in my opinion, for most kids.
Location: Monterey Bay, California -- watching the sea lions, whales and otters! :D
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This is an interesting thread because my daughter is going to college in the fall, too. I want her to be independent, and she wants to be. I'm also needing a change, and hope to move to another state. Because of the housing market, my decision may already have been made for me, if I can't sell.....so it may be a moot point.
My daughter had a chance to go to school in San Diego (we are in the Bay Area), and she turned it down -- I thought she should have gone for it. Instead, she is going to school closer by, but still will move over to that city (about 35 miles away). Although she lived in South America for six months attending high school as a foreign exchange student, I find now that she is frequently saying things like, "Oh, mom, I'll miss you....but I can come home once a month and we can go and hang out together." As an older mom, I know she worries about me, and I think she wants to be sure I am okay. Plus, we do actually enjoy each other's company, and she brings me a lot of joy and laughter. I know I will miss her when she's away, yet, on the other hand, I also realize it is a process of growing up and separating from the parent. It's a tough one.
I think she would be okay if I did move, but on the other hand, I think she is kind of relieved we have this housing mess, so that I am stuck here. She's not attached to our home, but she is attached to me. Although she's independent and has good life skills, I guess that she's closer emotionally to me than I thought -- which is a nice compliment, but I thought she wouldn't be (she is a teen!).
The reality is, though, that eventually things will change in a person's life -- if you move earlier, then she will have to deal with it earlier -- either way, she'll have to adjust at some point. Sometimes I think it is easier to adjust when we are young, than older. Kids in college are usually pretty resilient.
I guess it depends on how well you know your daughter and if you feel she could really handle the changes. If she has been prepared to be independent, has good life skills, understands financial responsibilities, and is a responsible person, she should do okay....in my opinion.
Interesting topic. Thanks.
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I know I will miss her when she's away, yet, on the other hand, I also realize it is a process of growing up and separating from the parent. It's a tough one.
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