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I bring to the table no children, as result of infertility. My spouse has 3 Daughters.
5 3 and 2 years old! The oldest belongs to his high school sweetheart and well the littlest was sporadic need I say more? He is a good Father and very involved with his children. Anywho getting to my point he recently won custody of his youngest daughter the mother seems to have no interest in her daughter's life. Out of a full calendar month, she is with us all but maybe a week if that. When she sees me and her mother has her she practically jumps into my arms, Since I have been in her life at 12 months old she has called me mommy. I knew she was to young to correct... with the other two I don't like for them to call me mommy because they have a decent mother. With the Youngest it is different because I feel like she needs that role in her life, she needs someone to step up to the plate and be there for her like a real mother would. I already have an enormous pressure on me because I can't give birth to my own. I am listening to ignorance and people who say I have no clue in life about being a mother... I know they are wrong because I loved a woman who did not give birth to me as my mom, and she loved me that much if not more.
So what should I do, how do I handle this situation if it even is a situation with my Stepdaughter? We all know I can't do the first thing that comes to mind going and knocking some sense into the BIO MOM...
Last edited by Angeleyes2423; 03-03-2018 at 07:32 AM..
Reason: not specific enough
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 5 days ago)
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I think you "mother" the kids when they are at your home. That is to say, you are affectionate to them, you feed them well, you take them fun places, you read to them, play games with them, etc.
I think you need to work hard to banish ugly thoughts about the biomom of any of the girls, though. That's a habit that's just going to cause negativity in your thoughts and actions.
I don't have any ugly thoughts about the mother, only negative thoughts about her character. I always encourage these girls and am constantly telling them how much their mother loves them! I have even gone so far as to offer to put a photo of their mothers in their rooms to make them feel at home!
A child is not a pawn, just because you give birth to them does not make you a mother. She should not just be allowed to drop in and out of her babies life when she feels necessary!
A child is not a pawn, just because you give birth to them does not make you a mother. She should not just be allowed to drop in and out of her babies life when she feels necessary!
That might be a decision between her and her ex-husband, the court, etc. You might not have a say. That goes with the territory of being a step-parent. Sure, giving birth doesn't make someone a mom in itself but she does have some rights.
It does seem strange they separated so soon after the youngest one was born.
Court and everything has already been took care of, the mother gave the father primary with joint custody its supposed to be rotate every week but we have her 3 plus weeks out of the month.
The mother said she did not want to be tied down to marriage and wanted to enjoy her youth. Yes it is strange especially since in the beginning I was told and under the impression that the baby was planned.
The idea of a baby is often very different from the reality of a baby. That’s possibly why the baby was planned but now mama is having second thoughts. Toddlers are adorable and lovable, but they’re also a big handful and they don’t really do what you expect. Might be best for the little girl to have you and her father as her primary parents and for her mother to be the visitation parent. Sounds like that’s what’s happening.
I think that when you marry a man with young children, you just need to make peace with the fact that you need to act like a mother without actually being their mother. It’s not an ideal situation, but it is what it is.
Although biology alone doesn't make someone a mom, we can't deny the importance of the biological connection between mother and child. That's why even many children placed for their adoption often want badly later on, to find their bio parents. I would not be upset about the mom wanting to visit whenever she wants, she should be allowed to do that. A photograph of the mom in their room cannot replace anything.
Dad always allows her mommy to see her, take her or spend time with her. It is why I sought out this forum and decided to look for answers.
I guess what I am getting at is as much love as I have for this little one and the other two. I just don't understand how any mother could just turn their heads to their child as if they never happened.
I never discourage a relationship, as young as the little one is I show her pictures of her mother and ask her who it is and tell her that's mommy. Some people tell me I am wasting my time others say its very courageous of me. at the end of the day, I just wish the mother would be there for her little one. It is heartbreaking not being able to give birth to a child, its a wonderful feeling to have another human being love you just as much as you do in return.
It is just heartbreaking thinking that later on my love for her may go unnoticed because I did not give birth to her..
does that make sense?
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