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Old 01-30-2019, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
1 posts, read 49 times
Reputation: 10

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If my 20 and 17 year old sons were away at college living in a dorm they would have to abide by the rules of the dorm. If they went into Military service they would have to abide by the rules of the base. If they are living home they have to abide by the rules of my home. I have younger children living in our home as well so I do not allow sleepovers or girls in their bedrooms. It makes me uncomfortable and this is MY home so I like to maintain a certain comfort level in my own home. As far as your 18 year old daughter goes I personally would not have allowed the sleeping out at all, and I would put a stop to it or stop paying her car and bills. I lived at home until I married in my mid 20s and I was never allowed to have my boyfriend sleepover or in my bedroom. I also was expected home every night while under my parents roof. The young men I dated were also not allowed girls in their rooms or overnight. This was in the early 90s. Living away at college is not the same as living under your parents roof and it certainly costs more money to live on campus.
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Old Yesterday, 08:41 PM
 
43 posts, read 17,764 times
Reputation: 60
This is a very difficult time for you. I've been through it. You have to try to convey to
your daughter how great it is she is in school and to stay focused to complete her degree.
It's so hard for a young girl at that age to see the big picture. We classify 18-yr-olds as adults but these kids change so much over the next few years. At some point she will see her boyfriend isn't trying to make something of himself and she is.
Good luck
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Old Today, 11:20 AM
 
668 posts, read 337,436 times
Reputation: 993
Very interesting thread. I think at 18 years old, you are no longer a child, but an adult. IMO, too many parents stunt their children's development by treating them like they are children. At 18, you have the right to live your life as you see fit. As parents, we can give guidance and advice, but ultimately we have to allow our children to experience the consequences of the decisions they make.

By giving her a place to live and a car, it seems OP is trying to control his adult daughter. At 18, she really needs to be learning how to pay her own expenses. As parents, we have eighteen years to instill in our children the life skills and values that will make they happy and successful. After age 18, it's time to take a big step back. It may be hard to see your adult child making poor choices, but you no longer have the right to tell her what to do. Instead, you need to provide her constructive advice and be prepared to offer her assistance once she begins to understand she has made some poor choices. Sometimes the best assistance is "no assistance" and just letting your kid learn the hard way.

You have to trust that you raised your kid right and that after she's done exploring the world and experimenting, she'll ultimately do the right thing. Just like you did. Is there anyone out here who never made mistakes when they were young?
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