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Old 03-13-2018, 09:13 AM
 
Location: NY to NJ
626 posts, read 750,051 times
Reputation: 996

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Maybe some of you can share some of your experiences or give a little advice. We just did a mid-year move next state over and put our 1st grader (6 year old)in a new school. She's a very friendly, kind, sweet, sensitive girl and at her old school had many friends. She can be a little over dramatic at times, anxious, and tends to like social situations where she knows someone vs doesn't know anyone, but will always make it a point to say hello to kids she don't know Her new teacher wrote me a letter on her first day saying she did very well and how she is very sweet and polite. At home, I think she is a little stressed out and has been acting out in anger towards DH. She told him 2x already she hates him, but will later apologize. One incident, was yesterday where she out of the blue started crying at the dinner table saying she had no friends at school and there's a boy talking about her in her class. I don't want to continually ask her is she's made friends and make her feel bad about it if she hasn't, but the few times I have asked, she's gone from saying she ate/played alone at recess, to saying she played with one girl in her class. She's also complaining a lot that she doesn't know the kids in her class names. Every kid, including her, all the take the school bus to/from school, so there's no way of me putting a name to the kids face or meeting parents at this point.

Her teacher seems to be doing a really nice job of including her and making her feel welcome right from the get go. We even visited the class day before she started and the teacher had her name up in the class and the kids all greeted her. She is also choosing DD weekly for special jobs in the class and the thing is, DD is coming home from school very happy, and talking about what cool special class (music,art) they went to. It's later in the day when she's having these random outbursts and such. I've done role playing with her and explained she needs to start conversations too and we talked about things maybe she can talk about with her classmates. I also enrolled her in a school gymnastics class, which she LOVES, but there's no real social interaction between the kids since they are constantly moving around. She's talked about possibly wanting to do cheerleading, which would start over the summer, and I know team sports are a great way to build friendships. I was a cheerleader from 4th grade, well into high school, and almost all my friends were on the team with me. It would be a big time/money commitment though, it's not through her school directly, so the girls would be from all different schools. My biggest fear would be her not making friends from that either and this just adding to her being sad and us being out the $.

She has made friends with all the kids on the block though and they sit with her on the bus and have been over our house to play, but they are all 2 years older. We live in a town home community with tons of kids and families, so I know over the summer, she will even meet more kids once we start going to the pool. She seems to be very fixated on one girl in particular where she wants to just sit and look out the window all day hoping she'll ring our doorbell. So, since it's only been 3 weeks, any suggestions on what I should do? If say, at the end of this month, we're still having the outbursts at home, should I write a small note to the teacher asking her how she's doing in class? Do you think a team sport activity for DD would be better? It breaks my heart having her feel bad
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Old 03-13-2018, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
15,976 posts, read 15,293,653 times
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It's only been three weeks. Do not stress over it and do not ask her if she made a new friend at school. You can be pro-active and invite someone over from her class for a play date or invite over the girl that she wishes would ring your door bell.

In some communities it seems like the new kids are the ones that need to go out of their way to get included outside of school (possible because the other parents have know each other since preschool or kindergarten activities).

I would just be happy that she found friends in her neighborhood, even if they are two years older.

It's only been three weeks. Have you met a new friend and have gone out to dinner or went shopping or had a spa day with them? I bet the answer is "No" so why are you surprised that your daughter hasn't received more invitations or play dates this soon?
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Old 03-13-2018, 10:09 AM
 
Location: NY to NJ
626 posts, read 750,051 times
Reputation: 996
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
It's only been three weeks. Do not stress over it and do not ask her if she made a new friend at school. You can be pro-active and invite someone over from her class for a play date or invite over the girl that she wishes would ring your door bell.

In some communities it seems like the new kids are the ones that need to go out of their way to get included outside of school (possible because the other parents have know each other since preschool or kindergarten activities).

I would just be happy that she found friends in her neighborhood, even if they are two years older.

It's only been three weeks. Have you met a new friend and have gone out to dinner or went shopping or had a spa day with them? I bet the answer is "No" so why are you surprised that your daughter hasn't received more invitations or play dates this soon?
I know I'm jumping the gun, I guess it's just a mommy being sad seeing her kid being sad and perhaps DD thinking that he classmates would be her immediate friend. Which as adults, we know takes time. Oh and her neighbor friend, I've let he ring DD ring the doorbell a few times too to ask her to play. And I'm sure once the weather breaks (it's snowing here today) the kids will be outside a lot together. All of our neighbors have been super friendly to us since we've moved in. And there's a new family moving next door to us in 2 weeks that has a child my other little ones's age (she's 4), so I'm going to make it a point to go over and introduce ourselves
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Old 03-13-2018, 05:23 PM
 
10,081 posts, read 6,277,830 times
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Does the school have a social worker? When my daughter moved schools mid-year, the school social worker helped her so much. She had other kids come into her office and play games with my daughter. I was there for some of it and the kids were so interested in the new student, and my daughter felt comfortable in the small group to talk. The social worker also set her up with a couple lunch and recess buddies for the first few days, maybe week.

If it weren't for her, it would have taken forever for my daughter to make friends. She is very shy (at first) and anxious. She was also used to very small groups in school (she had been in a small private school). But with the help, by the second week, it was like she had always been there. And she has a big group of friends now and loves school.

If its an option, I would contact the school and see if there is some way to help her get to know other kids and feel more part of the group.
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Old 03-13-2018, 05:59 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
37,368 posts, read 36,268,577 times
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Don't bring up friends anymore. At all. Let your daughter bring it up. Stop mentioning it completely because it places extra stress on her.

She can sense your anxiety and knows innately that you are worried about the transition and that you expect her to be accepted. That puts pressure on her, even though you don't mean to. Most kids just naturally want to please their parents.

So ... just focus on fun stuff at home and let her have time to adjust. Kids do amazingly well at working out their own social lives if we let them.
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Old 03-13-2018, 06:35 PM
 
Location: Texas
5,339 posts, read 1,912,314 times
Reputation: 11354
Some schools have a buddy program for new students.
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Old 03-13-2018, 07:15 PM
 
10,081 posts, read 6,277,830 times
Reputation: 23642
She is pretty young but another option is asking her to get a phone number of someone she likes and contacting that parent for a play date.
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Old 03-14-2018, 08:13 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
24,241 posts, read 58,473,033 times
Reputation: 25760
Give it some time. Throw a party and invite her entire class. Get her into some after school activities.
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Old 03-15-2018, 09:41 AM
 
Location: Raleigh
6,595 posts, read 4,887,502 times
Reputation: 8861
Quote:
Originally Posted by Me 82 View Post
I know I'm jumping the gun, I guess it's just a mommy being sad seeing her kid being sad and perhaps DD thinking that he classmates would be her immediate friend. Which as adults, we know takes time. Oh and her neighbor friend, I've let he ring DD ring the doorbell a few times too to ask her to play. And I'm sure once the weather breaks (it's snowing here today) the kids will be outside a lot together. All of our neighbors have been super friendly to us since we've moved in. And there's a new family moving next door to us in 2 weeks that has a child my other little ones's age (she's 4), so I'm going to make it a point to go over and introduce ourselves
That's normal, you're her mom.

There's something to be said about getting her involved in something outside of the classroom. I always liked sports but a local community acting class, or Scout troop, or host of others could fill the same role.
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Old 03-15-2018, 07:09 PM
 
8,921 posts, read 7,328,581 times
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The timing of her dismay seems significant - after she's been home after school for a while, late in the afternoon.

Does she get a small after-school snack when she first gets home? If not, give it a try. Cheese and crackers or a piece of fruit, water to drink...it will help keep her energy level and blood sugar stable until supper, and having ten minutes at the kitchen table while she snacks and tells you about her day makes a good transition.

If she's hungry or has low blood sugar after school, she may be exhausted, easily triggered and cranky.

Daisy Scouts are for children your daughter's age. Also check out weekend public library programs for kids, and see if she'd like to take a friend along.
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