Adult son getting married, questions (step-mom, welfare, suggestions, check)
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I think there's a good chance that this woman who the son has chosen, wants nothing to do with the family scene and has made that clear to him. The ancient advice "to forsake your family and cleave to your spouse", is what he's following. It should not be your agenda to interfere with what he wants to do with his life. If later, the two want to socialize with your branch of the family, they'll let you know. If you persist on sticking your nose in it, you'll ensure they will never want to get together.
I learned a hard lesson when I was young, to never bring a woman-friend anywhere near my family. That never worked out well at all and became the ending of some relationships. And my version of the ideal woman, is one who has no living relatives, west of the Mississippi River. And those eastward, being too poor to travel.
I think there's a good chance that this woman who the son has chosen, wants nothing to do with the family scene and has made that clear to him. The ancient advice "to forsake your family and cleave to your spouse", is what he's following. It should not be your agenda to interfere with what he wants to do with his life. If later, the two want to socialize with your branch of the family, they'll let you know. If you persist on sticking your nose in it, you'll ensure they will never want to get together.
I learned a hard lesson when I was young, to never bring a woman-friend anywhere near my family. That never worked out well at all and became the ending of some relationships. And my version of the ideal woman, is one who has no living relatives, west of the Mississippi River. And those eastward, being too poor to travel.
Your "lesson" may work for you but the vastest majority of families, new and old, do not need to subscribe to an isolationist theory of interaction to succeed in marriage. Your "ancient advice" is...ancient.
I think there's a good chance that this woman who the son has chosen, wants nothing to do with the family scene and has made that clear to him. The ancient advice "to forsake your family and cleave to your spouse", is what he's following. It should not be your agenda to interfere with what he wants to do with his life. If later, the two want to socialize with your branch of the family, they'll let you know. If you persist on sticking your nose in it, you'll ensure they will never want to get together.
I learned a hard lesson when I was young, to never bring a woman-friend anywhere near my family. That never worked out well at all and became the ending of some relationships. And my version of the ideal woman, is one who has no living relatives, west of the Mississippi River. And those eastward, being too poor to travel.
Are you familiar with projection? If not, broaden your horizons and look it up. Your lifestyle has no application here. The rest is just too weird to bother responding to. Lol
Last edited by puglandia; 03-23-2018 at 09:11 PM..
Reason: Spelling
I just had another idea. I'm not sure if you would want to do it or not, (or maybe you would consider doing it closer to the wedding date especially if you do not get an invitation), but if you know the church where they are getting married your husband (the groom's father) could call the minister and ask if there is anything special that he should be doing as father of the groom (or how to make a donation to the church in honor of the marriage or some other reasonable question).
In this way the minister would know that the groom actually had a living father, who loves and cares about his son, in case the bride and her family told the minister that the groom's parents were both dead, his grandparents were all dead and all of his siblings were dead, too to explain why they are not at the wedding rehearsal and wedding.
It's probably a stupid idea, but maybe there is something similar that might be better.
If you are Facebook friends, maybe you should start posting wedding related things such as "I went shopping for a dress for Dear Son's wedding with Aunt Sally. There are so many wonderful choices that I haven't decided which one to buy." And, post a picture of you and Aunt Sally in the dress department.
"I just realized that Dear Son's wedding will be just a month after our 15th wedding anniversary." And post a wedding picture from your wedding that includes DS.
And, things like that.
If you are friends with the bride and her family and see all of the things that they post, they will see the things that you post.
Last edited by germaine2626; 03-23-2018 at 09:48 PM..
I just had another idea. I'm not sure if you would want to do it or not, (or maybe you would consider doing it closer to the wedding date especially if you do not get an invitation), but if you know the church where they are getting married your husband (the groom's father) could call the minister and ask if there is anything special that he should be doing as father of the groom (or how to make a donation to the church in honor of the marriage or some other reasonable question).
In this way the minister would know that the groom actually had a living father, who loves and cares about his son, in case the bride and her family told the minister that the groom's parents were both dead, his grandparents were all dead and all of his siblings were dead, too to explain why they are not at the wedding rehearsal and wedding.
It's probably a stupid idea, but maybe there is something similar that might be better.
If you are Facebook friends, maybe you should start posting wedding related things such as "I went shopping for a dress for Dear Son's wedding with Aunt Sally. There are so many wonderful choices that I haven't decided which one to buy." And, post a picture of you and Aunt Sally in the dress department.
"I just realized that Dear Son's wedding will be just a month after our 15th wedding anniversary." And post a wedding picture from your wedding that includes DS.
And, things like that.
If you are friends with the bride and her family and see all of the things that they post, they will see the things that you post.
Good ideas but we don’t know where they are getting married. I once saw on FB who she may have hired as a wedding planner but the post and comments are long gone and I don’t remember who it was.
I iike the other ideas in theory yet I don’t typically feel comfortable posting like that. I’m pretty low key and introverted, don’t post a ton on social media. However, it is worthy of some consideration given the weird situation. I’m friends with her on social media but not friends with any of her family members.
Good ideas but we don’t know where they are getting married. I once saw on FB who she may have hired as a wedding planner but the post and comments are long gone and I don’t remember who it was.
Wow, so they are deleting their FB posts?
I would be camped out on his doorstep by now, but I understand your position as stepmom. The passivity of everyone else is just mind boggling though.
You should just be really up front and say, "Hey, we think it would be really odd not to meet our daughter-in-law to be until the day of the wedding, and we would really like to meet her and welcome her to the family ahead of time, so figure out when it will work and let's meet."
You should just be really up front and say, "Hey, we think it would be really odd not to meet our daughter-in-law to be until the day of the wedding, and we would really like to meet her and welcome her to the family ahead of time, so figure out when it will work and let's meet."
I agree.
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If not, broaden your horizons and look it up. Your lifestyle has no application here. The rest is just too weird to bother responding to. Lol
