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Old 03-19-2018, 09:34 AM
 
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It could also be his ham-handed way of creating adult boundaries with his family of origin. Not everybody is great at handling that.
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Old 03-19-2018, 09:35 AM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
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Originally Posted by puglandia View Post
No, it started with him before we (all involved with paying) stopped paying for college expenses. He was fully aware this was a consequence of continually switching his major and has chosen to do so anyway. I can understand changing one’s mind but this last time was the third time.
I wonder if he's dropped out, and is hiding that from you all.
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Old 03-19-2018, 09:38 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
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Originally Posted by HokieFan View Post
FWIW, I take my queue from my husband when it comes to how involved we are with his family. So I would not be so quick to blame the fiance. Maybe the relationship he has with his family is not as great as you perceive it to be?
I think this is a very good question.

The OP knows almost nothing about the fiancee, but there is a reason the son is avoiding the hassle of meeting with and talking to his own family about her.

Our kids don't have to have fallen off the deep end to have problems confronting us, OP. I think you should tread carefully and re-examine how the relationship has progressed - or not - over the past 2 years.

Quote:
Originally Posted by elhelmete View Post
It could also be his ham-handed way of creating adult boundaries with his family of origin. Not everybody is great at handling that.
Very likely.
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Old 03-19-2018, 09:40 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
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Originally Posted by HokieFan View Post
I wonder if he's dropped out, and is hiding that from you all.
It really does feel like he is hiding something. That's why I asked about pregnancy. Sure, you can't hide it forever, but lots of first-timers think delaying the news is a good idea LOL.
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Old 03-19-2018, 10:26 AM
 
113 posts, read 43,435 times
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Originally Posted by HokieFan View Post
I wonder if he's dropped out, and is hiding that from you all.
Nope, due to GPA he was recently on the dean’s list.
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Old 03-19-2018, 10:30 AM
 
113 posts, read 43,435 times
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Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
It really does feel like he is hiding something. That's why I asked about pregnancy. Sure, you can't hide it forever, but lots of first-timers think delaying the news is a good idea LOL.
If she’s pregnant it would be very early because recent FB pics, she looks the same as her other pics.
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Old 03-19-2018, 10:39 AM
 
113 posts, read 43,435 times
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Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
I think this is a very good question.

The OP knows almost nothing about the fiancee, but there is a reason the son is avoiding the hassle of meeting with and talking to his own family about her.

Our kids don't have to have fallen off the deep end to have problems confronting us, OP. I think you should tread carefully and re-examine how the relationship has progressed - or not - over the past 2 years.



Very likely.

He was coming home regularly, calling regularly, etc prior to when they moved in together last year after a few weeks of dating. He still makes contact when she isn’t around. We aren’t perfect nor is his mom, etc but there really isn’t anything glaring that stands out. When he chose to switch his major again he came to us on his own and said he knew he’d have to pay for the classes himself but was fine with it as there wasn’t that much left.

Now, he may very well have felt differently when he said that but it is what he said. We can only Sherlock Holmes this so much. We don’t know his fiancée or very much about her but not for a lack of effort. Anymore we’re getting to the point where the lines of communication will be left open but the ball is in his court.
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Old 03-19-2018, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
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Originally Posted by puglandia View Post
...we’re getting to the point where the lines of communication will be left open but the ball is in his court.
I do think that is the best option because anything more confrontational will most likely cease that communication.
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Old 03-19-2018, 10:45 AM
 
Location: Texas
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My husband is practically estranged from his mother. His mother could have written a similar post like this. But the fact is, the moment we met, I have never discouraged him from speaking or spending reasonable time with her.

If you were to ask his mom, she would say that they were VERY close until I came along. Turns out he was enmeshed with her and when he met me, he felt freed from her. It was hard in the beginning but once once we moved out of state, he realized that most of his anxieties or problems was her stranglehold on him. He has never felt mentally healthier.

I’m not saying this is the case with OP. What I am saying is that husbands tell wives many things that he doesn’t tell mom or dad. What appears like a controlling wife is sometimes just the husband who never really enjoyed being around his family in the first place.

Btw, my husband never called his mom in front of me either because the conversations were so laborious. She would go on and on and on about all her problems or harass him about when he was going to visit.
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Old 03-19-2018, 10:47 AM
 
5,536 posts, read 3,630,018 times
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Originally Posted by Jayerdu View Post
My husband is practically estranged from his mother. His mother could have written a similar post like this. But the fact is, the moment we met, I have never discouraged him from speaking or spending reasonable time with her.

If you were to ask his mom, she would say that they were VERY close until I came along. Turns out he was enmeshed with her and when he met me, he felt freed from her. It was hard in the beginning but once once we moved out of state, he realized that most of his anxieties or problems was her stranglehold on him. He has never felt mentally healthier.

I’m not saying this is the case with OP. What I am saying is that husbands tell wives many things that he doesn’t tell mom or dad. What appears like a controlling wife is sometimes just the husband who never really enjoyed being around his family in the first place.

Btw, my husband never called his mom in front of me either because the conversations were so laborious. She would go on and on and on about all her problems or harass him about when he was going to visit.
I think this is possibly close to the mark here.
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