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Old 04-04-2018, 05:32 AM
Location: Watervliet, NY
3,688 posts, read 1,202,642 times
Reputation: 6621


Originally Posted by AndyAMG View Post
I will work as many hours as I can for the next 20 years. My wife and I want to be financially set by 55. We are on the way and I don't want to derail progress.
That tells me everything I need to know about you. I feel sorry for your kids.

My father worked 40/week until he was 65 and my mom was a SAHM, and yet they've been "set for life" for years, AND they were also present as parents for my two brothers and myself. We didn't spend our free time the way you say your son does.
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Old 04-05-2018, 06:34 AM
628 posts, read 445,835 times
Reputation: 1146
OP I am sorry that is your status quo. I am equally sorry that it has gone on this long unexamined and untreated. This is a problem that starts with your relationship with your wife. From your description it seems like she perceives herself also as a "child" member of the family, not taking appropriate responsibility, not adulting. You have allowed the situation to continue and worsen and now you are powerless in your own family. You should start counseling with your wife. She needs to understand that you make decisions together, and enforce them together and you need to agree on common goals for child rearing that she will not undermine.

You need to effectively bond with your children, it is not too late. Start with something dramatic and isolating, like off ghe grid camping or wilderness adventure that forces people to put the electronics away. Take a week off, take the kids out of school, create a memory. If your wife wants to come and put down the phone, let her, otherwise leave her at home. Nobody will want to come. You will have to drag this heavy compaint-filled journey uphill, but if you don't- who will? They do not have the skills. But at the end of the adventure people will be glad they did it and more emotionally open. Once you open that emotional door you need to keep on doing things outside of their emotional comfort zone, or else the door will shut. So every weekend. . .on and on. . .compelling them to engage. It will be exhausting but worth it.
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Old 04-06-2018, 11:31 AM
770 posts, read 565,028 times
Reputation: 1475
Did you ever take him on a hiking camping trip when he was a little kid ?

Then did you pull out your compass and map, and show him how to use it ? if YOU didn't, then for crying out loud, how WOULD he know ?

Do you think they teach that in 3rd grade still ? I bet they don't, but instead teach autocad, social equal justice, or save the whales instead.
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