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My daughter is 20 and graduated high school. She got dismissed from a community college due to her low GPA. Since then she has been volunteering at the library since April, selling donated books, toys and jewelry. She refuses to apply for SSI, despite everyone insisting including us, her therapist, her social worker. Her boyfriend gives her his money even though we told him not to. She is disorganized. She was in special ed and my friend whose son was also in special ed told me I can give SSI her IEP and special education records and she will be approved. Problem is she won’t sign record releases. Every time we talk about SSI she gets mad. When she was a senior in HS I called the counselor to talk to her about this, and not to tell her they will be talking about SSI. When she was called in to the counselors office and found out they were going to talk about SSI, she immediately stormed out. She refuses to listen to anyone. I have a social worker who told me when she was a child to apply for SSI. Unfortunatlely we did not qualify because my husband makes too much money. The social worker was shocked that we didn't get approved. The social worker told me to fill out an online application and we can sign everything online so the school and her doctors can release her records. I am worried that they will send her to a doctor for examination and she won't come. I don't know if she has a bank account where her boyfriend writes her checks, and whether she will give this information to SSI. I asked her why she doesn't want SSI. She says she won't be approved. I told her it doesn't hurt to apply as she'll never know if she'll be approved. But I believe she will be approved. Another reason is because she says she can't have over $2,000. I told her no one will give her a job so she isn't going to have over $2,000 anyway. I mean, people with degrees have trouble finding a job these days. At least with SSI she will have her own money without having to do anything.
Why was she in special ed? SSI is for disabled people, and special ed can be for anything from speech issues to low IQ to dyslexia to mentally retarded to a variety of physical ailments.
As far as your daughter, it seems like she needs therapy. If she's not capable of holding a job and will never be capable, then she does need to apply for SSi and she also needs to be on a long term or semi permanent form of birth control. Because if she can't hold down a job, she is not capable of raising small children.
I have a sister with severe mental issues. She is permanently disabled and can't work and will never be able to work more than maybe a few hours a week. She's on SSI, but in her state the amount is very low, around $700/month. It's not enough to live independently, but it's enough to help my mom, who pays for everything for her.
Why was she in special ed? SSI is for disabled people, and special ed can be for anything from speech issues to low IQ to dyslexia to mentally retarded to a variety of physical ailments.
As far as your daughter, it seems like she needs therapy. If she's not capable of holding a job and will never be capable, then she does need to apply for SSi and she also needs to be on a long term or semi permanent form of birth control. Because if she can't hold down a job, she is not capable of raising small children.
I have a sister with severe mental issues. She is permanently disabled and can't work and will never be able to work more than maybe a few hours a week. She's on SSI, but in her state the amount is very low, around $700/month. It's not enough to live independently, but it's enough to help my mom, who pays for everything for her.
Excellent points.
I believe that the SSI amount is quite low ($700 a month sounds right). Can your daughter live on that amount? Perhaps she should try to find a job. Even at minimum wage she would be making more than that.
Frankly, if she is so low functioning that numerous people feel that she will never be able to hold a job, what will happen if she gets pregnant and has a child? If she has a boyfriend, have you discussed birth control with her? Maybe she is not interested in getting a job because she wants to be a full time mother?
If she doesn't want to apply, there isn't anything you can do to make her apply.
Also, qualifying for SSI based on a mental impairment is difficult, because you have to be unable to do any work. Being in Special Education classes does not mean you automatically qualify for SSI.
SSI for a disability is a dangerous cycle to get on. They make it nearly impossible to get off of. I know people stuck on it. I know this is a first time poster, so if OP comes back, I would focus on helping her learn how to navigate in the world and learn to support herself in some way.
Do you think she doesn't want to apply because it feels like she is being written off as someone who will never be independent or a productive member of society?
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I agree with the birth control thing... i know once a person is on disability and if that person happen to earn more than they should in a month. then that disability check can be cut or revoked and then can be difficult getting it back when it is needed again.
I know if you can claim guardianship for her, then she can get ssi. At least that was what happened to my sister when she had severe mental issues
It's actually very difficult to get ssi. You must truly prove to be disabled and incapable of working. I don't think she should apply. Instead, maybe she should apply to food stamps to help contribute to your household?
My daughter is 20 and graduated high school. She got dismissed from a community college due to her low GPA. Since then she has been volunteering at the library since April, selling donated books, toys and jewelry. She refuses to apply for SSI, despite everyone insisting including us, her therapist, her social worker. Her boyfriend gives her his money even though we told him not to. She is disorganized. She was in special ed and my friend whose son was also in special ed told me I can give SSI her IEP and special education records and she will be approved. Problem is she won’t sign record releases. Every time we talk about SSI she gets mad. When she was a senior in HS I called the counselor to talk to her about this, and not to tell her they will be talking about SSI. When she was called in to the counselors office and found out they were going to talk about SSI, she immediately stormed out. She refuses to listen to anyone. I have a social worker who told me when she was a child to apply for SSI. Unfortunatlely we did not qualify because my husband makes too much money. The social worker was shocked that we didn't get approved. The social worker told me to fill out an online application and we can sign everything online so the school and her doctors can release her records. I am worried that they will send her to a doctor for examination and she won't come. I don't know if she has a bank account where her boyfriend writes her checks, and whether she will give this information to SSI. I asked her why she doesn't want SSI. She says she won't be approved. I told her it doesn't hurt to apply as she'll never know if she'll be approved. But I believe she will be approved. Another reason is because she says she can't have over $2,000. I told her no one will give her a job so she isn't going to have over $2,000 anyway. I mean, people with degrees have trouble finding a job these days. At least with SSI she will have her own money without having to do anything.
I understand your concern but this sentence is just cruel. Please do not tell her this nor can you state this as fact. Just forget about it for a while. She doesn't want that Disabled SSI label, and is likely resisting you. As an adult, she will take the leap when ready. This is rough, hang in there.
Last edited by ItIsWritten.; 03-31-2018 at 01:57 AM..
My daughter is 20 and graduated high school. She got dismissed from a community college due to her low GPA. Since then she has been volunteering at the library since April, selling donated books, toys and jewelry. She refuses to apply for SSI, despite everyone insisting including us, her therapist, her social worker. Her boyfriend gives her his money even though we told him not to. She is disorganized. She was in special ed and my friend whose son was also in special ed told me I can give SSI her IEP and special education records and she will be approved. Problem is she won’t sign record releases. Every time we talk about SSI she gets mad. When she was a senior in HS I called the counselor to talk to her about this, and not to tell her they will be talking about SSI. When she was called in to the counselors office and found out they were going to talk about SSI, she immediately stormed out. She refuses to listen to anyone. I have a social worker who told me when she was a child to apply for SSI. Unfortunatlely we did not qualify because my husband makes too much money. The social worker was shocked that we didn't get approved. The social worker told me to fill out an online application and we can sign everything online so the school and her doctors can release her records. I am worried that they will send her to a doctor for examination and she won't come. I don't know if she has a bank account where her boyfriend writes her checks, and whether she will give this information to SSI. I asked her why she doesn't want SSI. She says she won't be approved. I told her it doesn't hurt to apply as she'll never know if she'll be approved. But I believe she will be approved. Another reason is because she says she can't have over $2,000. I told her no one will give her a job so she isn't going to have over $2,000 anyway. I mean, people with degrees have trouble finding a job these days. At least with SSI she will have her own money without having to do anything.
If she wants to work and has been volunteering for a year at the library, support her in working with the State Vocational Rehabilitation services to get a job with a paycheck.
Voc Rehab would be a great place for her to start. They have counselors, job coaches, financial incentives for employers, ... Some states give priority to those on SSI and SSDI, so she may have to be waitlisted for a time.
She may not be able to get a full-time with benefits job, but I bet they'll be able to help her obtain and maintain a job where she will have the dignity and independence she is yearning for.
The Voc Rehab assessment and experience will be useful when either she realizes she needs the monthly benefits check and the health insurance that goes along with SSI or when you obtain guardianship and apply for her.
Good for you for raising a daughter who wants to be an independent, contributing member of the world.
Also, I would also encourage you to have her meet with her doctor and discuss long-term, reversible birth control such as an implant.
I have known a number of lower functioning women who had children as a way to get the adult status they crave.
It has never worked out well.
Social services have been involved ever time. Often resentful and tired grandparents ended up raising the child(ren) as well as taking care of their daughter.
One of our former neighbors insisted that her daughter had a perfect right to have children with the military man she was keeping company with. Just because she was cognitively challenged did not mean she couldn't be a good mother and didn't have the right to do so.
After the second baby, the neighbor insisted that her tubes be tied. The military man wandered away, and our neighbor was left raising two low functioning grandchildren as well as caring for her daughter the rest of her days.
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