Fiance's daughter has atrocious behavior (orphaned, married, learn, school)
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OP, re-think marriage. Even if he's sweet as pie to you, has a "package" that's the envy of both the men and the ladies, and, financially, has a bank account that rivals the Rockefeller family, he is forever linked to this hellspawn - even beyond his death - and his total inability to parent, or find professional help (which may be needed in this instance), speaks volumes. Moreover, this is being observed by your bio-kids. This 12 year old already runs the household, and it will only get worse once the hormones kick in (if they already haven't), and dear old dad remains as passive about the situation as he currently is, and has been, in the past. Keep your own apartment, wheels, job, and bank account. Most important, keep your hands off this cretin and her property. Remember, when push comes to shove, blood is thicker than water. Good luck.
[quote=Murk;51477265]Something that came to mind when reading all the ADD/Autism vs. Spoiled Brat thing. It is absolutely possible for a kid to be both at the same time.
Of course it is. The behavior described by the OP is more along the spoiled brat continuum in my opinion, though, especially given that the OP stated that the father simply doesn’t make any effort to correct the daughter. I am sure any concomitant condition exacerbates the problem.
I am glad you are on top of this with your son. His life and the lives of all around him have benefited from your efforts, I have no doubt.
I'm convinced ADHD, Asbergers, and emotional jamtart behaviour is re-inforced by cell phones. Phones reward the reprogramming of the brain. Like any narcotic, the younger you start the more likely it's going to be wired right into your head.
It's also considered "normal" within the context of this particular generation. IN five years it'll be considred an Amendment Right and a movement to enshrine the right in the Constitution. !!
I just read further and saw that you too have children. Don't marry this man, don't combine households, and don't take family trips together. This girl isn't going to get better for years, if ever. Unless it's the ONLY way for you to finish raising your girls, keep your own household and just see this man alone. You are going to make your kids absolutely miserable, having to live with this girl. And if this is how you feel about this girl now, imagine how you will feel when you're living with her!
I totally agree with this. It will only get worse, and from what you have said he will make you do all the disciplining (which is absolutely WRONG for a step parent). She will refuse and you, and your kids, will be absolutely miserable. Your home will be full of discord and constant fighting, arguing and maybe escalating to violence because he is refusing to deal with her behavior. Even his own family is telling him and he refuses to do anything about it! Does anything indicate that this situation will do anything other than get worse and worse?
You need to put your children first and marrying into this situation is not it. Sit down with him and tell him.
Thank you. This expresses my own feeling that this is “spoiled brat behavior.”
Too many on this thread, have this attitude. They say the child is a spoiled brat, and she needs hard discipline and punishment to straighten her out. They simply cannot accept the fact, that the 12 year old child has a serious medical condition. They can not and will not accept the fact, it is a child with a completely different mental condition than a normal child. Someone that is trying to react in a world, that they do not completely understand what is normal and what is not.
Just recently they are finding that Girls react to her medical condition different than boys. Not by choice but by being a different sex, and that the mental condition effects girls different than it does boys. When even the experts on this mental problem, are still trying to find how they differ, and learning how to treat them.
That this girl is displaying, is typical actions by a pre-teen girl, with a high level problem. Someone that is moving from a child to a teen age girl, and not understanding things the same way as a typical girl of her age. Her thought process is different. People are telling her to handle it the same as a girl without her problem would handle it. But, her brain does not work the same as typical girls of her age.
Over the next few years, most people with her problem, learn how to handle it to a level they can function as a normal person functions. But it is an act that is not exactly the way they feel or think. They learn to make others think they are normal, but they will not feel inside the same way as the normal person. They learn to become actors, and learn how to act as a normal person. But at the age this young girl is, she has not learned how to put on an act making her look and act normal.
It is time to accept the fact, that a young girl with her mental problems while learning to act as a normal person is going to take time.
If you think the father and the OP are at a loss as to what to do, just imagine what it is like to be the young girl trying to find her way into a world she does not completely understand.
Her problem is never going to be cured, and go away. What is going to happen, is she learns how to mask her problem, and learns how to act as a normal person.
I just read further and saw that you too have children. Don't marry this man, don't combine households, and don't take family trips together. This girl isn't going to get better for years, if ever. Unless it's the ONLY way for you to finish raising your girls, keep your own household and just see this man alone. You are going to make your kids absolutely miserable, having to live with this girl. And if this is how you feel about this girl now, imagine how you will feel when you're living with her!
THIS! This, this, this!!!!
There is more behind this girl's deplorable behavior than ADHD and Asperger, and I think she will remain a problem in adulthood. Your relationship stands a longer chance if you retain your own home and at least enjoy normalcy with your own kids. Don't expose them to this brat under one roof.
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