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Old 04-10-2018, 11:14 PM
 
12 posts, read 8,687 times
Reputation: 96

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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Let's hope!



That really does go along with his whole approach to life, it sounds like.

I would tell him you are taking a break. For at least two months.

No visits, not much communication. It should shake him out of his malaise, if he is in love with you and if he recognizes that, but it probably won't. At any rate, it will give you a chance to pay attention to your gut feelings, which are SCREAMING at you, and stop trying to propel this relationship along by yourself.
Good idea....I need to give it some serious thought.
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Old 04-10-2018, 11:33 PM
 
12 posts, read 8,687 times
Reputation: 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatzPaw View Post
How do YOUR daughters react when his daughter is freaking out?

How do they get along when things are calm? (If ever.)

I just don't get why you would continue to expose them and yourself to this relationship and continue to think maybe with the right tips and tricks you can all be the Brady Bunch. Dad Brady was more tuned in.
When his daughter is yelling and being disrespectful, my daughters usually just tune her out. It happens a few to several times each weekend we're together, so they're used to it. They get along pretty well otherwise. They play video games, walk the dog, do crafts, and watch shows together.

The thing I have failed to convey is my kids really adore my fiance. They have a wonderful, close relationship. My older one will ask his advice about things, and they both tease him and enjoy talking to him. They look forward to the 5 of us being together, in spite of his daughter's behavior.

My late husband (their Dad) passed away from cancer five years ago, and while nobody will ever replace their Dad, they look up to my fiance as a father figure. He seriously has many redeeming qualities in spite of his parenting skills. And no, I'm not talking about s**, for those of you with your mind in the gutter!
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Old 04-11-2018, 09:11 AM
 
6,638 posts, read 2,581,944 times
Reputation: 18129
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vivace70 View Post
When his daughter is yelling and being disrespectful, my daughters usually just tune her out. It happens a few to several times each weekend we're together, so they're used to it. They get along pretty well otherwise. They play video games, walk the dog, do crafts, and watch shows together.

The thing I have failed to convey is my kids really adore my fiance. They have a wonderful, close relationship. My older one will ask his advice about things, and they both tease him and enjoy talking to him. They look forward to the 5 of us being together, in spite of his daughter's behavior.

My late husband (their Dad) passed away from cancer five years ago, and while nobody will ever replace their Dad, they look up to my fiance as a father figure. He seriously has many redeeming qualities in spite of his parenting skills. And no, I'm not talking about s**, for those of you with your mind in the gutter!
Then honestly, Vivance, it sounds like this family/impending marriage is a net positive.

His daughter is difficult. Doesn't sound like she's the most difficult that a step daughter could be. There are many, many step daughters who actively try to sabotage the new marriage by doing awful things to the siblings and new wife.

Your kids like her, on balance, although she is often tough to be around.

I think maybe you should focus on other things, and not keep complaining about her. Because this man is likely to say if you can't be around my daughter happily, it's time to break up.

Best wishes. You sound like a good mom, and he sounds like a fabulous husband/father to be.
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Old 04-11-2018, 09:12 AM
 
12 posts, read 8,687 times
Reputation: 96
Thank you, ClaraC
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Old 04-11-2018, 09:48 AM
 
9,497 posts, read 7,599,075 times
Reputation: 17414
Quote:
Originally Posted by ItIsWritten. View Post
She never said autism was a mental illness. She said this girl is mentally ill. And it sure looks that way so better to be safe than sorry.
Autism is a psychiatric disorder, btw.

NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) offers a free series of classes called Family To Family
- It is around 1.5 hrs once a week for about 2 months. Or sometimes it can be taken all in one weekend
Again, It's called Family to Family.
I know they are not a family unit but it is a very effective class to deal with these types of disorders.
Each family can enroll in regards to their own kin since they both have children with similar diagnosis
.

Here is NAMI's webpage regarding Autism & ADHD

https://www.nami.org/NAMI/media/NAMI.../Autism-FS.pdf

https://www.nami.org/NAMI/media/NAMI...ts/ADHD-FS.pdf

NAMI has a 24/7 FREE phone helpline .
if anyone feels they might become become violent with someone diagnosed with these disorders, or any other crisis.
especially good for those who are not placed in authority yet feel they are loosing control and may get physical with someone else's child.

.
At last something pertinent, helpful and productive, a pleasant contrast with this poster's previous contributions.
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Old 04-11-2018, 10:52 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
38,873 posts, read 37,555,977 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post

You sound like a good mom, and he sounds like a fabulous husband/father to be.
Your daughters may think he's great, OP, but I disagree that he sounds like a great husband and father, and I do think the problems will simmer under the surface as he continues to take a passive role in his own life while you try to blend your families and share that life with him.

Then you will feel like you have 4 children in your purview.
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Old 04-13-2018, 02:48 PM
 
1,922 posts, read 1,323,273 times
Reputation: 3021
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vivace70 View Post
Very well said, and great advice. Thank you.


She needs to run away. Because she's got to change HIM before THEY can help his daughter. Too many obstacles to jump and there's not guarantee she can surmount the first one before daughter reaches the age of 40.
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Old 04-13-2018, 03:43 PM
 
1,411 posts, read 502,688 times
Reputation: 4687
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
yep, I am pretty sure of it. If I would call my dad an idiot, throw a tantrum, or try to argue a rule I would get punished right away and never do it again. In my family we respect our parents.


I don't see this as a problem.
Same in my family.
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