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Old 03-30-2018, 12:18 PM
Status: "420 ish" (set 1 hour ago)
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
16,858 posts, read 20,625,155 times
Reputation: 40762

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eastern Long Island Tom View Post
Forgive me but I just do not understand how anyone would consider spending and sharing their life with a man who lacks both courage and a spine.
I agree.

And to those who say "she'll be gone at 18" - don't bet on it. Kids come and go. She may decide to commute to college. She may go away to college, dislike it, and return. With this personality and behavior, she will be in the OP's life for a long time.

Even average 18 year olds seldom leave for good. They come home on holidays, in the summer, after a divorce - you get the picture.

Consider not marrying this person. You can have a relationship with her as adults, that does not include the daughter or family things.

You and her parent will NEVER agree about how this should be handled.
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Old 03-30-2018, 12:20 PM
Status: "Choose life - support BSL" (set 29 days ago)
 
544 posts, read 128,904 times
Reputation: 1433
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
I agree.

And to those who say "she'll be gone at 18" - don't bet on it. Kids come and go. She may decide to commute to college. She may go away to college, dislike it, and return. With this personality and behavior, she will be in the OP's life for a long time.

Even average 18 year olds seldom leave for good. They come home on holidays, in the summer, after a divorce - you get the picture.

Consider not marrying this person. You can have a relationship with her as adults, that does not include the daughter or family things.

You and her parent will NEVER agree about how this should be handled.
Even if she is long gone at 18, that's 6 years she has to spend with this obnoxious brat! She's twelve, just wait until 2-3 years from now! OP needs to be talking about her EX fiance!
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Old 03-30-2018, 01:35 PM
 
Location: Arkansas
3,836 posts, read 1,285,810 times
Reputation: 8241
Quote:
Originally Posted by SparklesNShine View Post
Excellent point. I had a friend who found herself in that situation. Dated a guy with a six year-old son, who he had on weekends. At first it was fun to do the cutesy family stuff, but gradually my friend realized she was spending more and more time babysitting so the Dad could do stuff with friends and spend Sundays watching football. .
Of course. He probably didn't care about his girlfriend's needs at all. She was just a convenient babysitter. It beats having to spend $15 an hour to pay someone to watch the kids.
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Old 03-30-2018, 02:22 PM
Status: "420 ish" (set 1 hour ago)
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
16,858 posts, read 20,625,155 times
Reputation: 40762
Quote:
Originally Posted by OttoR View Post
Even if she is long gone at 18, that's 6 years she has to spend with this obnoxious brat! She's twelve, just wait until 2-3 years from now! OP needs to be talking about her EX fiance!

I could not agree more, OTTO!
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Old 03-30-2018, 02:49 PM
 
428 posts, read 89,837 times
Reputation: 1249
I haven't read the whole thing but there is sure some good advice on the first page. It would be nuts to marry into this family.
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Old 03-30-2018, 02:49 PM
 
Location: Arkansas
3,836 posts, read 1,285,810 times
Reputation: 8241
Quote:
Originally Posted by OttoR View Post
Even if she is long gone at 18, that's 6 years she has to spend with this obnoxious brat! She's twelve, just wait until 2-3 years from now! OP needs to be talking about her EX fiance!
And not all kids leave home. If she has special needs, she could well be living at home into adulthood, needing financial support from parents. It's just something to consider.
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Old 03-30-2018, 02:50 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
23,168 posts, read 56,833,610 times
Reputation: 23736
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
This sounds great. However, I think the main problem is the dad. He is not on board with disciplining the girl because "HE IS TOO TIRED." OP cannot just start disciplining a kid who isn't hers.
Yes I confused the which one has the 12 year old spoiled brat. Need to read more carefully. She probably needs to tell him the daughter is going to be subject to discipline if they get married. If he is too tired, she will have to do it. If she is not up to it, then they definitely should not get married.

She could tell him he is ruining his daughter's life by being to tired to help her become a decent person. She will end up being an awful person, no one will like her and she will spend her whole life feeling slighted and unhappy. Sorry you are too tired. You have a kid. You are a parent. Being tired is part of being a parent. Providing no discipline is being neglectful.
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Old 03-30-2018, 03:49 PM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
9,291 posts, read 1,381,739 times
Reputation: 14178
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gusano View Post
Why has your fiancť allowed this behavior?

No, you are not over-reacting, IMHO, if she is as bad as it seems. He is lucky you havenít bolted yet.

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Old 03-30-2018, 04:01 PM
 
2,020 posts, read 786,473 times
Reputation: 4002
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe View Post
The OP has her own child with the same thing as this kid. To say she has no idea of what's she getting into is not fair and wrong. As it is, she's seeing a very particular BIG problem: The dad. Lots of posters addressed that as well.



"Not being unreasonable"? She's subverting. And the dad is not on the case to deal it. If that is "acceptance" on the dad's part, then it needs to be pointed out to the OP that these issues are going to extremely problematic. Already it takes 15 mins for the OP get upset, and she's in a powerless position to do something about it.
First of all, the OPís child does not have the *same* thing as this kid. It is called Autism Spectrum Disorder because it is a spectrum and the term Aspergerís is no longer used. Just because her child has X and Y symptoms doesnít mean that her boyfriendís daughter can and will act the same way, particularly when taken out of her routine on a vacation. Presumably, the OP also doesnít know what sort of treatment the daughter has already undergone and how far she has come. I have one friend who has a daughter with significant behavioral issues and while it isnít ASD (she does have ADHD and OCD), sheís spent quite a bit of time in therapy, is on medication, etc. Itís not due to a lack of trying when the daughter acts out.
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Old 03-30-2018, 04:50 PM
 
2,496 posts, read 3,654,411 times
Reputation: 5410
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
It is amazing what aging single women will put up with for a relationship of some kind.

Being alone is far superior to contorting yourself to fit in with and fix some man's complicated life.
This
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