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It’s been for the most part just me and my kid from the start. If it wasn’t for my aunt we would have moved to a beach community a long time ago. Anyway the kid is growing older and is happy here so I’m trapped here for a few more years. I’ve started a calendar count down to when she graduates. She’s extremely smart. There’s no reason for her to not attend and graduate from a good college. Of course I’m encouraging her to go out of state. Here’s my question. If you were in my situation would you move wherever she went to school or just ship her off and see her during the holidays? I’m sure she’ll have her own life and I won’t see her as much as I like either way. Can the college parents give me some advice?
most parents (whether they are single parents or not, whether they have only one child or not) do NOT move with their child where they go to college.
part of going to college is independence and making their own life and leaving home. that is healthy and natural and age-appropriate, and developmental-stage-appropriate. mom tagging along is NOT part of that healthy natural process.
this is also time for YOU to live your life however you want, and live wherever you want. that was something i had not anticipated. i was so in the trenches raising children and keeping afloat that when they went off to college and left home......it was utterly astounding to me when I eventually realised it was a whole different life. I was single most of their growing up and then it finally dawned on me when they left home......what am i going to do with the rest of my life? that is happy joyful exciting dream-filled place you are soon to inhabit. ENJOY!
if you want to leave town, leave the state, move.....DO IT.
The op would like 'the kid' to go out of state so she can move with little guilt. This isn't about the quality of education for 'the kid'. It's about the parent wishing to leave state under the guise of her 'kid' going off to further the degree.
My son chose 2 hrs away. The college's had the curriculum he wanted. The hassles of the train travel wore on him though. He had married in his junior year....and his 'princess' wife chose to rule his ambition. Or was that rue his ambition. ?
As a parent ...it's wise to transition ourselves to a new life schedule once the young adult attends higher education.
You know how something seems like a good idea until it’s said out loud. Yeah. I’m just going to miss her so much. Thanks for pointing me in the right direction.
We live in RVA. I was thinking maybe the university of Maryland...
Look up in state tuition and then look up out of state tuition at Univ of M. Then re-think that plan.
Going out of state to college sounds good but it is just an expensive field trip. I would encourage your daughter to go to a local public university. You/she will save a ton of money and she may find that living in a dorm is a lot less enjoyable than living at home and driving to school. When I graduated from high school I went away (even though it was just 40 miles) to college and lived on campus. It was a miserable experience and I quit after a couple of months. The following year I started at a local public university. I lived at home, and then when I could afford it in a few nearby studio apartments, commuting to school. I finished in 4 years, got my B.A., was able to work part time, participated in sports and activities, and enjoyed myself. My last semester I worked in the dorm kitchen, and pitied the people that had to live there.
+1
Unless my child gets a full scholarship somewhere they will probably be going to Purdue which the satellite campus is only 30 minutes away so they can still live at home or the main campus is a little over an hour from here. I have a few years yet as they are only 12 & 9, but if you were to ask my oldest where she's going to college she will already tell you Purdue!
The op would like 'the kid' to go out of state so she can move with little guilt. This isn't about the quality of education for 'the kid'. It's about the parent wishing to leave state under the guise of her 'kid' going off to further the degree.
My son chose 2 hrs away. The college's had the curriculum he wanted. The hassles of the train travel wore on him though. He had married in his junior year....and his 'princess' wife chose to rule his ambition. Or was that rue his ambition. ?
As a parent ...it's wise to transition ourselves to a new life schedule once the young adult attends higher education.
I think this is the core of OP's problem. OP really want to move away from where she is now but didn't have the courage to do so earlier. She stayed for her daughter, for convenience of having aunt around. OP still wants to live the city and move. But it sounds like OP still doesn't have courage to make the move alone. So you trying to use the daughter college as an excuse to move out.
I would suggest "you do you" OP. Move to the destination you want to move. talk to your daughter, see how she feels about it. I am saying this just incase your daughter does hate university and wants to move back home or moves in with you after university like many young adults. Is there any job prospect for her? Or plan where you want to move and wait until your daughter is done with her first semester, see how she is adjusting and then move. She can easily visit you in beach town as well as the town she is in now.
Just my .02, as someone that went to school 8 hours away from home. I think there's a sweet spot, around 2-4 hours, for distance from home. Far enough that its inconvenient when the first "challenge" hits you, close enough that its doable if something big happens (death in the family, you get really sick, etc...)
We were about that far away from our older kids when they went to college. We didn't follow them (out of state tuition is INSANE...esp if they are going to a good uni), we just lived in state. It was perfect. They weren't running home every time they have a problem, wanted to do laundry, were bored, etc. So they have to build their own life. But they could come home on weekends if they needed a break or wanted to visit their home town. They could easily come during breaks. It was such a treat to wake up and see one of them crashed out on the couch or have one walk in and say he was going to stay for the weekend.
We moved when the younger one had a year left and he felt jipped. But I had been dying to move since we moved there. And my husband got a great job offer. But we really didn't see him his final year of college and missed that.
Anyways, that's my experience.
I was waiting in an airport and this nice but chatty woman sat down. She told me her life story. But it was funny because she said how she moved cross country to be with her kid when they went to college. One day her kid/adult said "You know mom...you should read this book. You are co-dependent". She read the book, apologized and then moved to the beach, where she always wanted to live. So I wouldn't follow her to college Or you might be given a book too.
So moving kids is really hard and should be weighed very carefully. Esp when they are older. But you may want to discuss with your daughter where she would like to go to school now, and perhaps move to that state to get residency before she is in college. How old is she?
Depending on her intended major, if its competitive, you might want to move to a state with a lot of choices. And you can have some input on where you would like to live this way.
I do feel your pain. I moved to a state/city I HATED and fell in love with a man (divorced) who had small children. So when we decided to get married, I had to commit to staying in a place I didn't like until the kids graduated HS. Which was a long time. But then when they went to college, they still needed us enough that moving had to be put off a few more years. They weren't around a lot. But they did need us as supports here and there...and we would have missed them like crazy if we only got to see them on winter break.
my parents moved cross country literally the day after i started college. I was 19 years old. I thought it was great. my mom had a fit (it was a job transfer for my dad).
It’s been for the most part just me and my kid from the start. If it wasn’t for my aunt we would have moved to a beach community a long time ago. Anyway the kid is growing older and is happy here so I’m trapped here for a few more years. I’ve started a calendar count down to when she graduates. She’s extremely smart. There’s no reason for her to not attend and graduate from a good college. Of course I’m encouraging her to go out of state. Here’s my question. If you were in my situation would you move wherever she went to school or just ship her off and see her during the holidays? I’m sure she’ll have her own life and I won’t see her as much as I like either way. Can the college parents give me some advice?
I would consider a move to a state that my only child went to college if it was someplace I was interested in living anyway, and I wasn't going to live in her specific area.
For example, if I was interested in moving some place near the water, and my kid was going to school in Florida that might sway me to pick Florida over say California, but I would make sure I wasn't near her school.
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Or you might be given a book too.
