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Old 04-13-2018, 07:20 PM
 
627 posts, read 300,599 times
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Yeah I understand moving to a new state would make it easier on tuition but I’m not gonna do that. Like I said in my first post she likes living here. I’m not going to move her to a state where I’m the only person she knows. If she was a lot younger, yes but that opportunity is gone.
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Old 04-13-2018, 07:58 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
15,053 posts, read 14,342,914 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Va83 View Post
Yeah I understand moving to a new state would make it easier on tuition but I’m not gonna do that. Like I said in my first post she likes living here.
I’m not going to move her to a state where I’m the only person she knows. If she was a lot younger, yes but that opportunity is gone.
What?

When she goes off to college it will be pretty likely that she won't know anyone in her college town. Or, maybe, there may be a few kids from her HS but, IMHO, one of the main points of college is to become independent, meet new people, grow up, in addition to learning new things academically.
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Old 04-13-2018, 08:10 PM
 
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Maybe we’re not on the same page because I didn’t mention her age. She’s in middle school. Yeah this is a long ways away.
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Old 04-13-2018, 09:12 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
15,053 posts, read 14,342,914 times
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Originally Posted by Va83 View Post
Maybe we’re not on the same page because I didn’t mention her age. She’s in middle school. Yeah this is a long ways away.
By saying that you "started a countdown to when she will graduate" and then started talking about her heading off to college "preferably out of state" I was guessing that she was perhaps a sophomore or junior in high school. I suspect that most of the other posters were thinking the same thing.

If you did decide to move in the near future, I would suggest that you do it before she starts HS, but it is certainly not too late if she is only in MS. Almost every family that moves to a new city or new state (usually for a new job) do not know anyone who lives there. Neither the children or the parents know anyone there but they both make new friends.
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Old 04-14-2018, 09:59 AM
 
9,784 posts, read 5,840,558 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
By saying that you "started a countdown to when she will graduate" and then started talking about her heading off to college "preferably out of state" I was guessing that she was perhaps a sophomore or junior in high school. I suspect that most of the other posters were thinking the same thing.

If you did decide to move in the near future, I would suggest that you do it before she starts HS, but it is certainly not too late if she is only in MS. Almost every family that moves to a new city or new state (usually for a new job) do not know anyone who lives there. Neither the children or the parents know anyone there but they both make new friends.
I agree with all of this.

I have a kid in middle school...not even considering college issues right now. Just trying to manage the dramas of middle school.
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Old 04-14-2018, 05:41 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
24,522 posts, read 13,651,443 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Va83 View Post
Itís been for the most part just me and my kid from the start. If it wasnít for my aunt we would have moved to a beach community a long time ago. Anyway the kid is growing older and is happy here so Iím trapped here for a few more years. Iíve started a calendar count down to when she graduates. Sheís extremely smart. Thereís no reason for her to not attend and graduate from a good college. Of course Iím encouraging her to go out of state. Hereís my question. If you were in my situation would you move wherever she went to school or just ship her off and see her during the holidays? Iím sure sheíll have her own life and I wonít see her as much as I like either way. Can the college parents give me some advice?
Totally get where you are coming from. I was a solo parent of a son and I literally thought I would die when he left for college. He got a swimming scholarship to a school 6 hours away. The summer before he left - I cried at the drop of a hat. The ONLY reason he went out of state is because of the scholarship.

As it turned out - 6 hours is a long way away for the parent of a freshman kid. There was often little I could do to help when he needed it.

Four years later and after having lived in a big city on his own - he is moving to Florida - much further away.

I miss him but we text often and talk maybe once a week. ( I let him call me - it just works out better that way). We are still close - it's just a different kind of close.

That said - I would not follow her. She may not stay at that college all 4 years (mine didn't). And, ya'll need to learn how to be apart.

While I still miss my son, I also cherish MY new life. The one where I have my own friends, happy hour, movies, etc.

One day, I may move close to where he is. But I have a feeling that it will be awhile before he settles in one place so it would be silly to even think about following him now.


Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
I would consider a move to a state that my only child went to college if it was someplace I was interested in living anyway, and I wasn't going to live in her specific area.

For example, if I was interested in moving some place near the water, and my kid was going to school in Florida that might sway me to pick Florida over say California, but I would make sure I wasn't near her school.
I agree with this too.
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Old 04-14-2018, 08:37 PM
 
627 posts, read 300,599 times
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Jesus! Talking to her once a week! My eyes welled up at the thought. I have years to learn to deal with this.
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Old 04-15-2018, 09:59 AM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
24,522 posts, read 13,651,443 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Va83 View Post
Jesus! Talking to her once a week! My eyes welled up at the thought. I have years to learn to deal with this.
It seems like it will never come; but our kids do grow up and live their own lives. I know. I could never imagine it but .. . trust me, it happens anyway. I completely cried the entire summer before he left. I had to quit going to spin class because they played Enya for the 'cool off' and I would start crying in front of strangers! My boss was terribly worried about me the week-end I drove him 6 hours away and left him there. BUT I made it. We all do.

In September, there are usually tons of article written by parents of college freshmen. How it feels to let them go. The way you will think of every single thing you ever did for him and every single thing you didn't do.

Being that you have a daughter - it's possible she will call you more often? I initially got a lot of calls when he was walking home from class alone and stuff like that.

That said, I do believe that doing our job as parents means giving our kids wings to fly.

Your job, as she grows, will be to ask . . have I done enough to prepare her for the real world? For making good decisions? For knowing right from wrong?

It's also fun to relate to your child as an adult . . to just enjoy their company. It's pretty cool actually and to know that they enjoy yours. Not because they have to . . but because they want to.

Wow. I think that was cathartic. Sorry.
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Old 04-15-2018, 11:05 AM
 
Location: Denver CO
16,125 posts, read 8,407,290 times
Reputation: 23439
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
By saying that you "started a countdown to when she will graduate" and then started talking about her heading off to college "preferably out of state" I was guessing that she was perhaps a sophomore or junior in high school. I suspect that most of the other posters were thinking the same thing.

If you did decide to move in the near future, I would suggest that you do it before she starts HS, but it is certainly not too late if she is only in MS. Almost every family that moves to a new city or new state (usually for a new job) do not know anyone who lives there. Neither the children or the parents know anyone there but they both make new friends.
Yes, I was definitely thinking along those lines as far as the timing.

Completely agree that if you are miserable where you are, MS is not too late to move. Starting HS is a big reshuffling time.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Va83 View Post
Jesus! Talking to her once a week! My eyes welled up at the thought. I have years to learn to deal with this.
Yeah, I don't like to think about that either. Although at 13, my son hates to talk on the phone so who knows if that will actually change.

I do want him to leave the nest, and was just talking about sending him off on his own to visit some relatives this summer for a couple of days - grandparents were local so while he had many sleepovers over the years, he's never gone away without me.

But definitely, yes, it will be very hard when he's actually gone. There's no denying that a single parent with a single kid is a very intense bond.
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Old 04-15-2018, 02:36 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
12,376 posts, read 16,635,454 times
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wow why would you want to encourage your child to go to an out of state school and rack up some debt that she will likely be paying off well into her late twentys ? no don't encourage that . Let her go to school in your local area and not rack up some much debt in school loans . My god my brother had thousands in school loan debt and it took him quite a long while to pay it off . Please think ahead to ten to fifteen years down the road .
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