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View Poll Results: What is the obvious main problem?
Dad 0 0%
Mom 3 11.54%
Bad parenting in general 5 19.23%
Other 18 69.23%
Voters: 26. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 04-16-2018, 10:19 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,659 posts, read 64,111,757 times
Reputation: 68406

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catgirl64 View Post
Talk to her doctor with complete honesty, and get a referral to at least a therapist, and possibly a psychiatrist. It is not normal for an 8-year-old to steal credit cards. Actually, it's also not normal for a kindergartener to choke a classmate. Please do not delay taking action. This child needs help, before it's too late.
Yes. Reviewing the facts today, I can't help wondering how it is that the parents didn't see this not just as a red flag, but as a 5-alarm fire, indicating that a professional evaluation was needed. My first thought is that mom and dad have been doormats to this little girl, since kindergarten. Lecturing her on how that's not a nice thing to do is like taking a fly swatter to an out-of-control dog.

I'm not saying that to be rude, OP. And of course it's easier to see things from a detached distance; it's not our child. But there's something deep going on with this child. Choking is far beyond the kind of acting-out sometimes seen on a playground: the kid who pushes other kids, or who might occasionally hit another child. Choking is on a whole other level, and then combined with all the other bullying---scary stuff!

And to answer your recent question: please post your plan here, on this thread, as a continuation of this topic. Offhand, I suspect that she's learned how to be daddy's good little girl, to win points with daddy, and she's learned how far she can push mommy, to get what she wants. Deep down, she's clearly unhappy, possibly knowing, if only subconsciously, that small children aren't supposed to be running the show? IDK. Hopefully, a skilled child psychologist will be able to diagnose the root issue/s.

Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 04-16-2018 at 10:44 AM..
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Old 04-16-2018, 01:51 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,119 posts, read 3,633,578 times
Reputation: 13519
Quote:
Originally Posted by LiveAz View Post
After much research and consideration from advise.. I have decided to implement and stick to a plan of action. I would really value feedback....

Should I continue on this thread or post a new one referring this one. Considering this impacts my daughters future and life, I would like as much feedback as possible. Should I continue on this thread or post new one referencing this one??
OP, I hope your plan of action involves a thorough medical assessment of your daughter. She definitely has issues and I DO NOT think that her issues have ANYTHING to do with your parenting. I just hope a doctor or psychologist can diagnose her troubles and can help her and YOU.


I find it interesting and QUITE surprising that the poll you posted came up with the results of "Other" being the most popular in choice.

Usually when someone has a child with problems on CD, I have found that most people point their fingers at the parents. MOST of the time with these "problem child" threads,

I disagree. I don't feel that it is the parents or the environment the child grew up in that causes a child to have problems. (unless of COURSE, there is abuse or neglect and lack of love and affection)

Here's why I feel that way:

We raised one difficult child (first born, son) and one easier child, 3 years apart (second born, son).

From birth, our oldest son was a difficult child to raise. He had major temper tantrums, (banged bruises across his forehead on the floor before he was talking or walking), pulled drawers out of his dresser and emptied them- clothes all over the floor), didn't sleep well, bucked discipline and didn't care about consequences from poor choices, etc. He had anger issues starting from an infant screaming to be fed or not wanting to be put down or go to sleep, and was angry about various things right up into adulthood, etc.

Our second son, the easier child was happy go lucky from birth. He was easy going and was pleasant to be around most of the time. He slept well, and if something upset him, it was over before you knew it.

These two boys were raised by my and my husband in the same way, same values, same discipline, with the same love, etc. One thing we were lucky with, is that the two boys got along very well through the years. They are still very close.

This brings me to say that I think every child is born with their personalities. You just have to do the best you can with them if they are difficult, and hope they grow up to be good people, which I'm happy to say, that both our sons are.
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Old 04-16-2018, 03:19 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
3,996 posts, read 1,774,084 times
Reputation: 13784
Quote:
Originally Posted by LiveAz View Post
After much research and consideration from advise.. I have decided to implement and stick to a plan of action. I would really value feedback....

Should I continue on this thread or post a new one referring this one. Considering this impacts my daughters future and life, I would like as much feedback as possible. Should I continue on this thread or post new one referencing this one??
Wait! Stay here ...

You get an A+ in my book as a dad. You know why? Because YOU wrote the OP. That means a lot.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LiveAz View Post
I am in need of some serious help. For my daughter's sake. I am a 28 year old father. I try my best, but has lead my daughter to something I can't comprehend.. She ran away.
That should be the least of your concerns. Seriously; it's in the last place. Here are your top priorities:

Quote:
Originally Posted by LiveAz View Post
Since her first day in school she has had issues with bullying other kids, kicking, she choked one girl her first week in kindergarten.

She thoroughly enjoys the opportunity to show her dominance.

swiped my credit card ... and stole probably 15-20 items from the toy store.

She will lie, manipulate, and bend the truth to her will.
I am very glad that there are no younger siblings in the home. Please, please do not get a pet.

You should understand that in a few short years; an incident such as choking somebody will result in criminal charges & you will lose her. She will be placed in a residential treatment center with bigger, stronger, meaner girls who do not come from nice homes with a nice mommy & a nice daddy & they will resent her for it.

She will not enjoy being dominant there & if she makes the mistake of thinking so she will become a target, very quickly. I know you don't hear about it much but there is a very high potential for children to be abused when placed outside of the home.

This is your first priority. Lucky for the both of you; you are holding the cards right now.

It sounds like she is mainly acting predatory towards females. Please stop saying things like "She gets into trouble for little things at school." You need to absolutely uphold every "little" thing the school has an issue with, for right now. Crossing the school needs to be seen as crossing YOU: United front.

Please stop insinuating that your wife is "weak", even if it seems she is acting that way. Kids pick up on this really easily. Yes; your wife needs to knuckle down but in your case; it's YOUR move first. You need to absolutely support your wife with everything that is an issue right now. Once your wife can trust that she has backup from you (instead of more demeaning), she can step up.

And, BTW; avoid saying: "Do not disrespect your mother". Instead, try: "Do not disrespect my wife".

She needs to know that you chose her mother as your wife before she was here. She needs to know that her mom & her teachers were women first; strong adults, worthy of respect & admiration in their own right. She's looking to you for direction on this; you can't just say it, you have to show it.
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Old 04-16-2018, 04:19 PM
 
Location: Mt. Lebanon
1,793 posts, read 1,824,630 times
Reputation: 1745
My dears, you and your wife have my sympathy, especially that you are SO young.
You can't face this alone. You need the advice of a professional. Talk to a child psychologist. Anyway your daughter shouldn't be allowed to go to school and back alone. Not at this age. Aren't there school buses where you live? Also I think she should be busy, perhaps join the girl scout or some other extra curricular activities based on her talents and interests.
then you and your wife have to present common front to her. If you continue to be the disciplinarian and she perceived as weak you will have nothing but trouble from her.
The road to recovery is long but you can do it. I sincerely wish you best of luck.
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Old 04-16-2018, 05:56 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,659 posts, read 64,111,757 times
Reputation: 68406
Quote:
Originally Posted by XRiteMA98 View Post
My dears, you and your wife have my sympathy, especially that you are SO young.
You can't face this alone. You need the advice of a professional. Talk to a child psychologist. Anyway your daughter shouldn't be allowed to go to school and back alone. Not at this age. Aren't there school buses where you live? Also I think she should be busy, perhaps join the girl scout or some other extra curricular activities based on her talents and interests.
then you and your wife have to present common front to her. If you continue to be the disciplinarian and she perceived as weak you will have nothing but trouble from her.
The road to recovery is long but you can do it. I sincerely wish you best of luck.
Did you read the OP's recent post, explaining that the school is attached to the family's apartment building? She literally walks next door.
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Old 04-16-2018, 06:02 PM
 
953 posts, read 605,028 times
Reputation: 1512
Perhaps her notion of right and wrong needs to be developed.
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Old 04-17-2018, 06:22 AM
 
2,962 posts, read 2,869,867 times
Reputation: 2839
I'm surprised an 8 year old could plan things like that out. I've heard of kids "running away from home" that young, but they don't think past "I'm getting out of here." They usually wind up going to a friend's house because they realize that they need food and shelter.

I'm not sure what the cause is. Maybe some psychiatric help? Good luck.
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Old 04-17-2018, 10:55 AM
 
4,377 posts, read 1,487,020 times
Reputation: 10105
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
Others are concentrating on the running away....I'm more concerned about her very aggressive/violent behavior with classmates and her lying and lack of concern and empathy. Sounds like early sociopathic behavior and THAT is what you need to see a child psychologist for. Not a "therapist" - but a full-blown PhD psychologist.

I agree with this, but with most people's insurance, you start out the therapist route, then the physchologist, and THEN the psychiatrist.


OP, what kind of grades does you daughter get in school? Does she struggle with grades? I'm wondering if School life is unhappy for her.
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Old 04-17-2018, 01:55 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,489,790 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
I agree with this, but with most people's insurance, you start out the therapist route, then the physchologist, and THEN the psychiatrist.


OP, what kind of grades does you daughter get in school? Does she struggle with grades? I'm wondering if School life is unhappy for her.
Just for clarification, depending on the state, all "therapists" are PhD psychologists or psy-d. Some states lower educated people can be therapists by licensure. Usually a masters. But you could call any psychologist a therapist...because they are. In some states you cant call a lesser trained practitioner a therapist. They will have different licenses.

You don't have to be a PhD if you have advanced training in the field the client needs. Last I heard, the profession was moving away from PhDs except for people interested in research, teaching, testing or advanced cases because of the cost and the low pay rate for people in mental health.

I would agree to work with a therapist before seeing a psychiatrist, but make the psych appointment now because they can take FOREVER to get in (6 months + in some areas).

psychologytoday.com is a good place to look.
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Old 04-20-2018, 10:57 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,659 posts, read 64,111,757 times
Reputation: 68406
OK, so the OP has abandoned the thread? We were too frank, perhaps? . I'm curious as to what his plan was going to be, and how things will turn out.
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