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I stopped reading after the OP said " Special Ed is for kids who can't focus". I can tell just by that that it's the OP who NEEDS HELP, not the child!!
Maybe you should consider that many parents are imperfect, and some downright incompetent.
That doesn't mean the child should be abandoned by professionals.
If this kid WILL NOT do homework, and is in Special Ed., whose problem is that? I would think Special Ed. would accommodate that kind of resistance/defiance/whatever - why is that considered the "parent's problem?"
I think the term "home" work might be a clue.
As it is now in this case the mother is unwilling or unable to do anything, including attending meetings, to address the problem.
The teachers have likely pulled everything out of their bags of tricks and now need mom to step up and get to work. And, as someone else mentioned, the daughter is ultimately the responsibility of the parent.
I taught in high school. Every time we had an in-service or training day with no students we'd have a couple or three dozen parents still drop their kids off, sometimes at 6AM. We'd get there at 6:30 or so and there's that kid sitting on the curb in front of the door.
Why? The parents claimed they had to go to work and couldn't trust their 16 year old at home alone. Who's problem is that? The school's or the parent's.
The OP deserves every comment here. She doesn't care what happens to her daughter at school. She doesn't care enough to show up for IEP meetings. She couldn't be bothered to drive 45 minutes out of her way one time for an evaluation.
Ask for help with what? Her main issue seems to be that the school "complains" about her daughter to her. Everything in her post tells us that she doesn't want to be bothered to advocate for her daughter to get her the help she needs. She sounds like she wants help getting the school off her back.
I have a child with mild special needs. I've driven to all corners of the metro area to have him evaluated and hear what the specialists have to say. I've taken him to various therapies as often as once/week. I've been to every IEP and 504 meeting. I've asked questions. I've talked to his teachers. I've scheduled extra meetings when I wasn't 100% comfortable with something. I belong to online communities, and every one of those parents fights for every accommodation their kid gets.
The OP doesn't deserve a bit of slack. I'm not concerned about her. I'm concerned about her child. I can't even fathom a world where a parent doesn't bother to go to an IEP meeting and doesn't want the school to tell her about her child's difficulties. I just can't even.
Me either. I have never heard of a parent who couldn't be bothered to attend an IEP meeting, held for the benefit of their own child. My husband and I went to every single one, for 10 years. We partnered with the child study group to make sure our son had the best chance of having a successful education, and he did. When we didn't agree with the IEP, we spoke up.
Don't think your daughter doesn't notice your disinterest OP, she does. And if you don't care, why should she?
Our son also had homework meltdowns. We still required that he make an effort to get through it, before any TV or video games got turned on. And sometimes, that effort was enough in our opinion, so we would write a note to his teachers letting them know he had spent a certain amount of time on it, that we considered sufficient. We never had any complaints that it wasn't finished.
If this kid WILL NOT do homework, and is in Special Ed., whose problem is that? I would think Special Ed. would accommodate that kind of resistance/defiance/whatever - why is that considered the "parent's problem?"
Well, homework is done at home. Who is at home, parents or teachers? If the op went to the iep meeting she might have some clue about what accommodations are available, including reduced homework.
Ultimately the kid is the parent's responsibility. If my child gets in trouble at school, he's going to be punished at home, too.
I actually have a friend who didn't think the school's punishment was enough and asked them to do more. Essentially she put the burden of dealing with her kid back on the school. I didn't agree with that.
In my home I work out the problem, not punish based on school consequences. They are punished at school...at home we work the base problem.
I live and teach that my kids are acting in the best way they know at the time. Even if it is "naughty". So if my kid does something "bad" at school we talk, problem solve, pick a new reaction, practice that new response, follow up (sometimes daily). But no...I do not and will not punish my kid for an infraction at school.
Mind you, my kids are still tweens. If it was something bigger...like skipping school, drinking at school, etc, I might have a different response. But for now, we problem solve. And I wont be bullied into punishing them to please the school. And I tell the school that. I have an entire GIANT community that supports this parenting.
Well, homework is done at home. Who is at home, parents or teachers? If the op went to the iep meeting she might have some clue about what accommodations are available, including reduced homework.
Google, research, etc. Homework isn't at all beneficial until high school...maybe jr HS.
In my home I work out the problem, not punish based on school consequences. They are punished at school...at home we work the base problem.
I live and teach that my kids are acting in the best way they know at the time. Even if it is "naughty". So if my kid does something "bad" at school we talk, problem solve, pick a new reaction, practice that new response, follow up (sometimes daily). But no...I do not and will not punish my kid for an infraction at school.
Mind you, my kids are still tweens. If it was something bigger...like skipping school, drinking at school, etc, I might have a different response. But for now, we problem solve. And I wont be bullied into punishing them to please the school. And I tell the school that. I have an entire GIANT community that supports this parenting.
It would depend on the infraction, of course.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
Google, research, etc. Homework isn't at all beneficial until high school...maybe jr HS.
I don't see how this is relevant to my post. Maybe I'm missing something. If the OP's daughter needs to be in a SPED classroom, she probably doesn't need to be having homework. The OP could discuss this if she bothered to show up for IEP meetings. I know less severe SPED kids who have reduced homework in their IEP. The OP could probably request little or no homework and eliminate the problem of her daughter refusing to do it. She'd have to show up though.
As it is now in this case the mother is unwilling or unable to do anything, including attending meetings, to address the problem.
The teachers have likely pulled everything out of their bags of tricks and now need mom to step up and get to work. And, as someone else mentioned, the daughter is ultimately the responsibility of the parent.
I taught in high school. Every time we had an in-service or training day with no students we'd have a couple or three dozen parents still drop their kids off, sometimes at 6AM. We'd get there at 6:30 or so and there's that kid sitting on the curb in front of the door.
Why? The parents claimed they had to go to work and couldn't trust their 16 year old at home alone. Who's problem is that? The school's or the parent's.
There is no benefit to rote homework, and especially not for a special needs kid with "issues."
So the problem lies with the Special Ed. teachers who would assign such homework.
They are causing unnecessary stress on the child and the family.
There is no benefit to rote homework, and especially not for a special needs kid with "issues."
So the problem lies with the Special Ed. teachers who would assign such homework.
They are causing unnecessary stress on the child and the family.
All the more reason the OP should be at the school talking to them about this.
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