U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-19-2018, 12:35 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,467,629 times
Reputation: 23709

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by damba View Post
I agree with your comments except recommending that there be NO homework until middle school. Absolutely silly to broad brush stroke that when you don't know the individual kid in question. As you know, IEPs vary and the kids are all over the map. Those kids could have plenty to gain with even just a little homework, contrary to what other pedigreed research you cite to prove otherwise.
True not one size fits all. But homework is even more contraindicated in sped kids because they are working so hard during the day, harder then a typical child to learn, keep up, and the social-emotional pressures those bring. No homework is a very common IEP accommodation for these reasons.

I think if the child is responding well to homework, great. But most kids who have learning differences will fight homework tooth and nail. They are tired. Playful engagement that is educational (playing games, coloring together, etc) is much more effective.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-19-2018, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
9,830 posts, read 7,970,253 times
Reputation: 11158
Faced with this same dilemma, my parents chose to have me evaluated by a psychologist. It was, up to that time, the most humiliating experience in my life. He gave me a series of tests. I couldn't fathom them. Inkblots looked like inkblots, and i said so. He told me I was being uncooperative, and from there things went downhill.

Don't do that. Talk with him. Explain the situation and options factually. None of this: "Your father/mother and I think that it would be best for you to......, because...." Ask him what he wants to do and respect and support his decision. If it turns out less well than he had hoped, then you can always adjust.

Anyway, that's what we did with out oldest boy. He said he wanted to go on. Later on, as the year progressed, he saw that and he he said he wanted to repeat the previous grade, after all because he was not happy. We got this to happen and he felt much better.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-19-2018, 03:33 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,467,629 times
Reputation: 23709
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frihed89 View Post
Faced with this same dilemma, my parents chose to have me evaluated by a psychologist. It was, up to that time, the most humiliating experience in my life. He gave me a series of tests. I couldn't fathom them. Inkblots looked like inkblots, and i said so. He told me I was being uncooperative, and from there things went downhill.

Don't do that. Talk with him. Explain the situation and options factually. None of this: "Your father/mother and I think that it would be best for you to......, because...." Ask him what he wants to do and respect and support his decision. If it turns out less well than he had hoped, then you can always adjust.

Anyway, that's what we did with out oldest boy. He said he wanted to go on. Later on, as the year progressed, he saw that and he he said he wanted to repeat the previous grade, after all because he was not happy. We got this to happen and he felt much better.
Times have changed. First, no one really works with ink blots anymore. But a neuro psych exam is very warranted when a child is struggling. My 2 kids have done 3 each and it isn't painful. Not to mention the countless of other testing they have done for speech, sensory, OT, PT, and so on.

The therapists who collect the data have all been kid friendly. They have had positive attitudes, give breaks, use playful engagement when needed, give tons of praise, snacks. Sometimes even rewards. Everything is centered to the child's comfort, including the set up (kid sized tables or even the floor if the kid is young).

I am sorry you had a bad experience...but it is different now and a good neuro-psych eval is worth its weight in gold.

Not all are great, and sometimes kids don't cooperate. But they can provide the absolute best information on how to help a child quite often.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-19-2018, 04:12 PM
 
3,726 posts, read 2,900,968 times
Reputation: 4638
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Times have changed. First, no one really works with ink blots anymore. But a neuro psych exam is very warranted when a child is struggling. My 2 kids have done 3 each and it isn't painful. Not to mention the countless of other testing they have done for speech, sensory, OT, PT, and so on.

The therapists who collect the data have all been kid friendly. They have had positive attitudes, give breaks, use playful engagement when needed, give tons of praise, snacks. Sometimes even rewards. Everything is centered to the child's comfort, including the set up (kid sized tables or even the floor if the kid is young).

I am sorry you had a bad experience...but it is different now and a good neuro-psych eval is worth its weight in gold.

Not all are great, and sometimes kids don't cooperate. But they can provide the absolute best information on how to help a child quite often.
Yes, this.

And especially do not rely on a teacher's "diagnosis". (I know that teachers are not supposed to say what they think is the "problem", but some do anyway). Many conditions have overlapping "symptoms" and mimic each other. Dyslexia can look like ADD for example. An expert in educational psychology is a worthy investment. It helped us understand our son and his needs and allowed us to fight for him when needed.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-19-2018, 04:25 PM
 
1,777 posts, read 1,163,586 times
Reputation: 1363
Quote:
Originally Posted by NC211 View Post
Our 9 year old son is in the 4th grade with a late May birthday. He's a great kid! He is kind, he includes everyone, and is well balanced. We are so proud of him. But, he is falling way behind in school. He has tutors and an IEP. His grades are fine, but they come with a footnote per his IEP.


His performance is at the 3rd grade level. We're worried that we started him a year too soon, as he is one of the youngest in his class, and average size. His teachers are suggesting we hold him back for another year of 4th grade, as they don't think he is ready for the 5th (especially in math).


Homework is a struggle now, and we're starting to hear things that suggest he is just overwhelmed and giving up. Our thinking is that maybe holding him back would be a good idea in that regard.


But we're really worried about the social aspect hit to him, and how to frame the conversation to break this news to him. It's important to us that he understands that this isn't his fault and that his parents are VERY proud of him. We want to frame this as a chance for him to catch his breath and not feel like he is always trying to catch up. We all agree that his maturity level isn't quite there, and it is all pointing to his age. While most in his class are already 10 years old, he turns 10 at the end of the school year.


Has anyone here ever held their child back a year? How did it go? Wise move or regret doing it? Any advice is welcomed!
I will start this with I am a SPED teacher, and I have a son that is an August child that I am considering holding back (starts Kindergarten in the fall).


Why not talk to the IEP team about his homework. I am not a homework fan with elementary students. I developed that philosophy as a regular education classroom teacher before I became SPED, and I still believe that less homework is best.

Does he already get a reduced work load? Has he been taught different computation strategies? What sort of accommodations are he allowed?

As far as the social aspect, I am not sure without knowing your son. My son is tiny and he will be the youngest child in his class. I'm more concerned about his Middle and High school years vs elementary years.

Have you talked with your son? I know he shouldn't have all the power, but he should be allowed to voice his thoughts. Be positive with it, and you just might be surprised.

Last thoughts, is that I think 4th might be too late to hold back. Holding back is more effective the earlier it is done. That is just my professional and personal opinion.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-19-2018, 06:21 PM
 
Location: North Alabama
581 posts, read 1,743,259 times
Reputation: 492
I was accelerated a grade (straight from 3rd to 5th). Thereafter, I was always the youngest person in my class. Learning and maturing are both processes, but learning is easier in my opinion as you mature. Catching up academically admittedly was easy for me, but I never caught up in the maturity process until graduating college and completing military service. A lot of bad decisions were made during that period trying to appear mature to others. If anything, being held out/back a year to take advantage of athletic scholarships that may have become available would have perhaps been more advantageous for me in the long run.

If your child needs another year to mature and be able to accept the learning opportunities he is presented with, then I can't see a real downside to such a decision. After all, he has the rest of his life to learn everything he needs to know.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-19-2018, 06:32 PM
 
2,190 posts, read 1,218,512 times
Reputation: 2844
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Times have changed. First, no one really works with ink blots anymore. But a neuro psych exam is very warranted when a child is struggling. My 2 kids have done 3 each and it isn't painful. Not to mention the countless of other testing they have done for speech, sensory, OT, PT, and so on.
.
Lots of psychologists and psychologists still work with "ink blots" and other projective measures, but it certainly shouldn't be part of a neuropsych exam.

If anyone is thinking of getting a psychological assessment, you'd of course want to make sure to know what will be tested and the general idea of how it will be assessed.

OP, I don't know what the identified disability is that warranted an IEP (maybe I missed it somewhere), but I would take that into consideration as well. It sounds like you have some good ideas for moving forward with him and I wish you the best of luck in making a decision that will be the best move for your son.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-19-2018, 08:36 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,083 posts, read 3,613,473 times
Reputation: 13402
Our oldest son was born in November so he started JK in September when he was still 3. He wasn't as mature or intellectually advanced as most of the kids, especially the kids that had been born early in the year. At the end of SK, we decided to hold him back to repeat SK.

He didn't question it at the time, but by the time he was in grade 5 or so, he told us that was angry about it. I guess some of his peers made him feel like he had failed. Up until one day, he'd never mentioned it and we felt bad but thought we'd done the right thing.

He struggled all the way through school regardless, and never finished high school but got his GED a few years later.

If I could do it all over again? I'd either tell the school board that he was NOT going to attend school when he was still 3, and keep him home another year,
OR, if we'd sent him, I wouldn't have held him back. I don't think it would have made any difference. He just did NOT like school.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-19-2018, 09:07 PM
 
3,308 posts, read 3,246,671 times
Reputation: 8358
In my state, the cut off date is Dec 31st, so when you say he's young for his year with a May birthday, I'm puzzled. He will turn 18 before he graduates from high school now, and if you hold him back, he would be 19 before he graduates. That's one of the problems - kids who get too old in high school drop out.

You should not hold this kid back. He will turn 18 before the end of 11th grade, and drop out. Instead, and especially if money is no object, engage wonderful fun high school age or college age tutors for him - you know, the incredibly fun sweet creative playful guy who turns practicing multiplication tables into a game, by combining it with tossing a football or shooting hoops. This will give both you and him a break from the parents being the enforcers. Get modified homework assignments for him, so that he's not bogged down with busy work in areas that he's up to speed on.

Do get a neuropsych eval for him. It will help by identifying strengths and weaknesses, and give recommendations as to the best ways to help him learn. Ask the school psychologist and the pediatrician for recommendations. Some school districts will do this for a kid, on the school's dime. Other times you may find someone who takes insurance, or have to pay out of pocket.

Also, see if there are "wrap around" services available for your daughter, where you can get some respite care, someone to take her out in the afternoon, to give you a break, and allow you time with your son, without your daughter.

But don't hold a kid this age back. Pour time and energy into him, to keep him up. Eventually, he'll find what he's best at, and excel in that. There is life and learning beyond memorizing the times tables!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-20-2018, 12:53 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
9,830 posts, read 7,970,253 times
Reputation: 11158
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Times have changed. First, no one really works with ink blots anymore. But a neuro psych exam is very warranted when a child is struggling. My 2 kids have done 3 each and it isn't painful. Not to mention the countless of other testing they have done for speech, sensory, OT, PT, and so on.

The therapists who collect the data have all been kid friendly. They have had positive attitudes, give breaks, use playful engagement when needed, give tons of praise, snacks. Sometimes even rewards. Everything is centered to the child's comfort, including the set up (kid sized tables or even the floor if the kid is young).

I am sorry you had a bad experience...but it is different now and a good neuro-psych eval is worth its weight in gold.

Not all are great, and sometimes kids don't cooperate. But they can provide the absolute best information on how to help a child quite often.
Thanks for the update. That's nice to know. In his case, it was the age difference. He was almost a year younger than anyone else in his class. My boy thrived after this experience. It took me a little longer to blossom intellectullay...not until college.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top