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My parents made it known at an early age that we were to move out when we turned 18. In fact, our HS graduation present was the same for all 7 kids. Luggage. It was not meant to be a sarcastic present, it made total sense. We all worked at an early age and could support ourselves when we graduated. Of course this meant working and going to school, having room-mates, etc. Of the seven, 5 have college degrees and the other two have technical degrees. There was some support at times but nothing major. I think the most money I ever received after I moved out was a new set of tires for my car when I visited and my father noticed they were worn.
Although he never got in trouble, a friend of mine couldn't wait for her son to turn 18 so she could "kick him out". He had a low paying job and could barely scrape enough together for rent and food. His mother treated her boyfriend's son better. Her own son probably felt unloved. He took his own life at 24.
I do not know anyone who kicked their child out at 18 or any other age for that matter. You do read about it here on CD, either from parents or from posters who say they were kicked out. But none of my friends were kicked out at 18 or any other age (and they didn't all go to college) and I nor any of my friends kicked out their own kids. I've known of a few people who did tell married 20 somethings they could not stay at the parents' home indefinitely.
I think its quite sad for a parent to kick their child out at 18, expecting a 18 yr old to know the ins and outs about adulting is a extremely far fetched unless you drilled that into their head at very young ages that they had to leave which is morbid in my opinion. I would not kick my son out as soon as he turns 18 but he WOULD have to be productive in the home ie. having a job and learning a trade if he chooses not to go to college, I refuse to have a lazy grown man , son or not sitting around my house. So in that sense that would be the only time I would kick my child out if he just refuses to man up.... but allowing him to save money so he can financially provide for himself would be the main goal, leaving your kids high and dry and expecting a miracle isnt the way the goal, hell I still needed guidance at 25yrs old
I've known two families who did this. In one, they kicked him out on his birthday because he was gay. The second was quite clear throughout their kids' lives that they were expected to be independent and out within 6 weeks of their 18th birthdays. The son I knew said they formulated a 3-year plan when the kids turned 15 and they had to stick to it or be punished (privileges were taken away). He joined the military. His younger sister is currently paying her own way through college. No financial help from the family at all once 18 hits.
I think both are sad.
Absolutely it is sad. They are setting them up for financial distress in a big way by forcing them to fend for themselves before they even have an opportunity to start a career full time. If they intended that from the beginning, they shouldn't have had kids in the first place (and I don't say that often). That doesn't always teach them to be independently successful and many who are sheltered from that at 18-22 come out ahead too. There are other ways to make them independent. Something so drastic is more like washing your hands of your parental responsibility simply because the law says you can. 18 is still just a number.
I was "kicked out" so to speak, immediately after graduation. I was 6 months past my 18th birthday. I don't feel that what I really needed was a parent to let me keep living with them longer, but I really could have used some coaching and support in making a "big picture" plan on what direction to take with my life. When I was pushed out of the nest, I had a part time, minimum wage job, had no idea how to go about getting health care or health insurance, how one even started to look into college, trade school, or anything. I did not know how to drive, nor did anyone care to help me learn. I was riding the city bus to and from work. I could barely afford the apartment that I moved out into, and the only way I knew how to get help in adulting, was to get a boyfriend, and/or other friends, to live with me and share costs.
Talk about a recipe for disaster. No healthcare = no birth control pills. We relied on condoms, and of course one eventually failed. I didn't even know that I needed to see a doctor for prenatal visits, until my Mom moved in with me when I was 4 months pregnant. I lived in serious poverty for the first few years, partnered up with the first man who was "loyal" enough to want a long term relationship, and had kids before I was ready. My family, except my Mom, wrote me off, but my Mom was a train wreck and took advantage as much as she helped. We (my ex and I, and our baby) had to abandon ship and get away from her.
I am now a mother of two teenage sons. They are 19 and 16. The 19 year old was encouraged to pursue various paths, but has shown a remarkable lack of motivation to accomplish anything for himself. So we are sending him to Job Corps soon. I do want him to move out and move on, but not without a plan, not without a trade, not without resources. And I feel the same way about how I want things to go for my younger son. I am not willing to keep supporting them indefinitely, but I'm not going to toss them out cold unless they are pulling some really abusive or toxic stuff. I've known single Mothers whose teen and young adult sons actually beat them up, physically. I wouldn't tolerate that.
My parents kicked me out at 18. My husband's mom kicked him out at 18.
I had a full scholarship to a university in town but couldn't afford books and fees when I suddenly had to start paying rent, and my mom wouldn't sign any paperwork applying for financial aid so I could live on campus. I moved in with my boyfriend who rented a room in someone's house, because I had nowhere else to go, and we got married because the landlady wouldn't let me live with him unless we were married. Two people with crappy, low paying jobs can manage better together than alone.
My mom didn't kick my sisters out. She's still financially supporting my younger sister, who's 30 now. I really feel like she kicked me out so she'd have room for each of my sisters to have their own rooms. It sucked. I started my adult life at a disadvantage, when I'd always been a good kid and a good student and I had the full scholarship, so things shouldn't have been so hard for me, it she hadn't decided to kick me out.
We have a family member whose daughter is a complete mess. Had to repeat a grade in high school, somehow managed to get into college and dropped out after one semester. The daughter moved back home. She attended junior college but only half-heartedly. She worked part-time and spent all her money on tattoos (she has 25 tattoos and counting).
She wanted to move out and rent someplace with roommates. By this time she was 20. They live in a very affordable small city. Her parents said no, you have to live with us until you are married or you can fully support yourself.
She married a kid in the military who had just turned 18. They knew each other for 6 weeks when they walked down the aisle. It's been less than a year and predictably they are having problems. But hey, she got out of that house.
I think the parents thought they were doing the right thing by making sure she had a strong support system and not making her be independent. But in this case it backfired.
Last edited by calgirlinnc; 04-27-2018 at 11:23 AM..
I know one family whose son had major drug issues and despite pouring their all into getting him help, he was not improving. They just couldn't allow him to live there anymore, especially because it got to the point where he was stealing money, bringing shady characters to the house, lashing out physically, etc. They did NOT make the decision lightly, but ultimately felt there was no way they could allow him to live there while keeping their family - especially their younger child - safe. It was a sad situation all around, but I don't know what else they could have done. You can't help someone who won't help themselves...
That said, I don't know anyone who kicked their child out just because they turned 18. That there are parents who would do that makes me very sad.
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