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I hear it as advice all the time on internet forums that parents should kids out if they can't respect them or rules of the house (which is fair) but how often do parents actually follow through with it?
Where I live in Ireland, I don't know any teenagers who have been kicked out, even the really terrible ones I knew in school; by that I mean I haven't seen any on the street because a teen who is kicked out by reasonable parents is most likely failing school, no future prospects and only working at best minimum wage which can't provide for them. I suppose they'd be living with a friend.
Most people here live in the U.S where I assume it's much more common for parents to kick teens out. I'm wondering if you have any anecdotal stories. As well as that; would you kick your 18/19/20yr old if they had no job, no desire to go to school, no friends, wanted to end their life and was aggressive towards you?
Although he never got in trouble, a friend of mine couldn't wait for her son to turn 18 so she could "kick him out". He had a low paying job and could barely scrape enough together for rent and food. His mother treated her boyfriend's son better. Her own son probably felt unloved. He took his own life at 24.
My son will be 18 in January. We’ve talked about him needing to be an adult in the sense that he should have a job and pay for his cellphone and things like that. At the moment, he does not want to pursue higher education and wants to start his own business. The only way I’d consider kicking him out would be if he were abusive. If he were on drugs (meaning serious drugs, not smoking pot occasionally), I’d insist that he go for treatment. In theory, I’d kick him out if he refused... but in reality? I’d do whatever I could to keep him safe.
I've known two families who did this. In one, they kicked him out on his birthday because he was gay. The second was quite clear throughout their kids' lives that they were expected to be independent and out within 6 weeks of their 18th birthdays. The son I knew said they formulated a 3-year plan when the kids turned 15 and they had to stick to it or be punished (privileges were taken away). He joined the military. His younger sister is currently paying her own way through college. No financial help from the family at all once 18 hits.
From my perspective, kids at 18 go to college so aren't kicked out but leave. I personally have not come across a parent who kicked their kid out of the house for misbehavior. I do know of kids leaving themselves when they have the means to do so.
I don't know of any personally, but run into them often at the non-profit I work at, they come in requesting services. And there's a young lady here in town who was kicked out of the house after disagreeing with her parents on what college to attend. Seriously. I'm part of a philanthropic group that managed to completely outfit her and her dorm room 3 weeks before the semester began. Her parents made her leave with nothing but the clothes on her back.
Although he never got in trouble, a friend of mine couldn't wait for her son to turn 18 so she could "kick him out". He had a low paying job and could barely scrape enough together for rent and food. His mother treated her boyfriend's son better. Her own son probably felt unloved. He took his own life at 24.
How did she expect a teenager to get a high paying job? It seems a given fact that someone under 18 is going to working at something that doesn't pay much.
I hear it as advice all the time on internet forums that parents should kids out if they can't respect them or rules of the house (which is fair) but how often do parents actually follow through with it?
Where I live in Ireland, I don't know any teenagers who have been kicked out, even the really terrible ones I knew in school; by that I mean I haven't seen any on the street because a teen who is kicked out by reasonable parents is most likely failing school, no future prospects and only working at best minimum wage which can't provide for them. I suppose they'd be living with a friend.
Most people here live in the U.S where I assume it's much more common for parents to kick teens out. I'm wondering if you have any anecdotal stories. As well as that; would you kick your 18/19/20yr old if they had no job, no desire to go to school, no friends, wanted to end their life and was aggressive towards you?
Parents should be teaching the skills needed to live independently starting at an early age. IMHO potty training is the first step. Isn't it UNFAIR to tell a 17 year old that he will be kicked out of the house at 18 if the parents haven't taught him the skills needed to live on his own or with others?
First, I don't know any families that kicked their kids out at 18.
Regarding parents that kick their kids out at 18--most kids are still finishing high school at 18. Kicking them out the door at 18 sends a message that completing high school and education is not important.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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I'm so glad this thread is here. Thank you so much, OP.
It disheartens me to see threads on the Parenting forum where know-it-alls advise parents who are struggling with difficult young adult sons/daughters to just kick them out and change the locks.
That almost never goes well.
I know several families who did this - either because the young adult was acting out, or in some cases, because the parent had married a new partner and didn't want the otherwise very pleasant, normal 18 year old in the way.
It doesn't end well. The kids see this for what it is - complete rejection and lack of normal parental love - and they don't thrive. Even if they appear to be doing "okay" at a glance, they are wounded by the complete lack of caring.
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