My 18 y/o just moved out-I was clueless. (college, friend, mother)
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No. Because men perpetrate exponentially more schemes and crimes against young women who follow predictable patterns of behavior described by the OP. I have as much right to speculate as anyone else on here, so lighten up on the social justice. I do have real experience with this kind of scenario, both personally and professionally.
For you to believe that it "equally possible" for a potential accomplice, perpetrator, or predator to be a woman--even if there is one--is incredible. Maybe you should just say "possible" instead of "equally possible".
From a professional standpoint, I'm here to tell you 100% that women perpetrate as much financial crimes against men as men do against women. There are millions of men just as emotionally vulnerable as lonely women out there being preyed upon, mostly over the internet, for financial gain.
Want her back? Press charges for unauthorized use of your bank funds. Sounds harsh yet if she wants to play adult...this is an adult result to her actions.
My sister drained my moms acct and drained her trust in her daughter. It was sad all around.
I second the motion. Want to play? Be prepared to pay.
In the grownup world, you get charges for stealing money.
Letting her continue to spend your money, apparently with no pangs of conscience whatsoever, will NOT fix this problem.
Sorry this is happening. You are in for a rough time, I believe.
From a professional standpoint, I'm here to tell you 100% that women perpetrate as much financial crimes against men as men do against women. There are millions of men just as emotionally vulnerable as lonely women out there being preyed upon, mostly over the internet, for financial gain.
I know of 2 families where the elderly female was so disabled the husband needed help. The nice church ladies came around to help out. Husband was so grateful. Granny wasn't cold in the ground until the church ladies got everything the old men had. Luckily, one came to his senses and got it back. Totaled around 2 million in stock and property.
I had an old Korean War vet living next to me up until Sept when he passed. He was alone and being fleeced by a friend of his deceased son, to the point that she changed his will and ended up with the house and everything. She took care of him, but only a few days a week. She really won out on that scam.
People are suggesting OP's daughter could have been influenced by someone to the point of coaxing her to leave. While it's awful for people to drain someone's bank account and take advantage, the type of predator much more likely to coax a young, naive woman away and be a danger to her is a man - not a woman. Women are not predators - or dangerous - in nearly the same way men tend to be. Crimes committed by men against women far outnumber crimes committed by women against men, and probably even other women as well.
This girl sounds like she's taking advantage of you. Stealing your money and lying to you are two red flags I wouldn't ignore. At least she's out of the house. Now either sell it and move and don't tell her or change the locks, or you're going to end up with more than your money missing and if she moves back in with a boyfriend, you going to have way more than you bargained for.
If I had a daughter like that, first I'd be upset, then I'd be mad, then I'd be "Good riddance to bad garbage."
If the OP leaves the credit cards "open" for the purposes of tracking her daughter, how much good is that going to do? Just the fact that you know she is (or was....) in Seattle or Chicago or New York City doesn't mean that the OP can go there and force her to come home. It also doesn't mean that the police will be any more interested in tracking her down than they are today. The daughter is legally an adult and, unfortunately, can do anything she darn well pleases.
Now, if the OP can show cause for the police to believe that the daughter is, say, autistic, mentally ill, retarded, or any other condition that might be construed as "being unable to make informed decisions for herself", she might get a little more official action. But, she has only mentioned some anxiety, which isn't going to impress the police at all. If the police had to track down everyone who is anxious and has decided to take off somewhere to "find themselves", then they wouldn't have time to devote to the important things....like catching ticket scalpers or arresting people who sit in Starbucks without buying anything.
From a professional standpoint, I'm here to tell you 100% that women perpetrate as much financial crimes against men as men do against women. There are millions of men just as emotionally vulnerable as lonely women out there being preyed upon, mostly over the internet, for financial gain.
I agree.
However, I doubt this scenario is simply a larceny between an adolescent and her mother. This study is a little old, but more related to the indicators made by the OP:
I feel like my heart has just been broke.
Up until 3 weeks ago we were a fine single family. Father deceased 10 years ago.
Just me and her. THen about 3 weeks, She began stealing mt debit card #'s (JUST found that out.0
She lied about working at the mall (I dropped her off and picked her up-she doesn't drive)
3 days ago she CLAIMED to was going out of state for a work conference in VA (LIE), just so happened to check my banking account and there was a airfare charge and airbnb. Called the companies, and they confirmed my daughter charges this to MASS. She only took a backpack and didn't pack toiletried and I think she only has 1 pr of shoes. It was well calculated, but she didn't pack what she needed.
She took her id, SSN, and BC. She claims she is not going out to the country, but every word is a lie.
She stated she needs to explore her independence, and has leased a place (SOMEWHERE) and has plenty of cash (from my acct), and not to worry
She won't give me any answers of what she is doing, claims, she is 18 I don't have to tell you.
She WILL reply to my texts, but after about 10 hours.
She just finished a semester at college with a 3.7 (so she claims- could be a lie, but stuck to this story for 34 months.
She was due a stipend, but if she was still attending.
No friends, she has had a social anxiety FOREVER.
I don't think she does drugs....she took classes online and I was always home. She doesn't like needle, has nasal issues, so wouldn't snort anything.
I just so worried. Being, she is 18, I guess there is nothing i can do legally, just wait to see if comes clean and PRAY she doesn't meet foul play.
I just needed to vent.....
Op, I know you are heartbroken right now but lets be real... your daughter made a decision. Not a smart one but she chose to do what she is doing and you have to accept that. She isn't stupid if she had a 3.7 in college. You need to cut her off... maybe not completely...like others have said but seriously... maybe put a limit of $100 a billing period on one card and cancel the rest.
If you choose not to, you will become an enabler and that will be on you.
Everyone keeps talking about "credit" cards....folks, she said it was a DEBIT card. The daughter could conceivably clean out the mom's bank account. What I can't figure out is that the mom seems terribly uninformed about the state of her own bank account.
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