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Old 05-02-2018, 07:48 AM
 
1,068 posts, read 288,215 times
Reputation: 1423

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This is why I don't have kids

The majority of the time you're gonna be disappointed. All of them seem to have mental problems these days. It is a result of the society we live in.

We need to fix this society before bringing more children into it. They will just become a part of the dysfunction.

You can do everything right, the society will still have a negative effect on your child. Good luck, but then I would say your job is technically done. It's up to her what she wants to do now.
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Old 05-02-2018, 08:44 AM
 
14,815 posts, read 15,695,298 times
Reputation: 24583
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Siegel View Post
A legitimate romance LOOKS like a legitimate romance. You date, you have friends in common, you're on Facebook together, you brag a little about your partner, the guy pays for stuff at least half the time, you meet the parent(s) - over the phone if in person is too far away.

I am worried about this situation, especially because you said your daughter has social anxiety; she may think her online boyfriend (if that is the case) is a way to start over or her last hope, something like that.

Keep the credit card accounts open!
All very good points. Whatever is going on with the OP's daughter, it's not legitimate.
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Old 05-02-2018, 09:15 AM
 
4,190 posts, read 7,741,842 times
Reputation: 4872
Quote:
Originally Posted by MechaMan View Post
This is why I don't have kids

...

We need to fix this society before bringing more children into it.
Do you think the society is the reason?

This Be The Verse
BY PHILIP LARKIN

They **** you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were ****ed up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one anotherís throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And donít have any kids yourself.
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Old 05-02-2018, 11:39 AM
 
Location: S.W. Florida
1,520 posts, read 592,034 times
Reputation: 4186
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
OP, DON'T cancel the cards.

That's the only way you'll know where she is, and if she's ok.

I don't know what she's up to, but she is extremely fragile, and if you cut off her access to money, who knows what will happen to her.

It sounds like she's having a mental health break.

Does mental illness run in your family or your late husbands?
I agree. Have the bank place a $100.00 24 hour withdraw limit on them. Get yourself a new card if you need one.
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Old 05-02-2018, 11:50 AM
 
9,386 posts, read 14,717,306 times
Reputation: 15236
Contact Polaris.com


Also a private investigator.
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Old 05-02-2018, 12:19 PM
 
11,784 posts, read 9,336,574 times
Reputation: 15849
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
You cannot let her keep stealing from you. She's going to ruin your credit, because she could run up far more than you can pay.

Cancel the cards, close the accounts. I do not think you should press charges against her, because it will probably do more harm than good, and you'll wind up paying all the legal bills, plus she could wind up with a criminal record. That might happen anyway, but at least it doesn't have to be by your hand. At the same time, keep texting her, only supportively. Ask how she is. Ask how the weather is. Tell her mundane news from your life. Tell her you'll always be there for her. Tell her she can call you any time. Tell her she is welcome home any time.

If she eventually decides she wants to come home, and believe me, she will, get her an Uber to the airport and a ticket waiting for her at the terminal counter immediately. And when she arrives, get into counseling together as quickly as possible.
I agree, it's tough because it IS a way to track her, but she's an adult and she can't/shouldn't get away with stealing from her mom, especially if her mom isn't in the best financial situation right now (assuming OP isn't). Even if money isn't an issue, her daughter shouldn't be allowed to run off and keep stealing mom's money, and live a life like that as long as she feels like it. Pretending to have a job and possibly pretending to go to school, this daughter is either lazy/manipulative, mentally ill, or possibly a combination of both. Even if there is a mental illness going on, what is happening now isn't sustainable and she needs to come back to reality eventually.

She is an adult, unfortunately. There really isn't much OP can do except try to maintain contact with her.
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Old 05-02-2018, 12:29 PM
 
Location: Greater LA area
15,375 posts, read 11,306,343 times
Reputation: 29450
Does she have any friends you could contact and ask what is going on?
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Old 05-02-2018, 01:01 PM
 
67 posts, read 35,935 times
Reputation: 68
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
File a missing person's report.

Post on her FB for her to contact you, asap.

You DON'T know if it is her responding.

Ask the police what to do when you file the report. Don't hesitate any longer. This is not normal behavior.
She doesn't use Fb, as far as I know. She would log onto mine. I did send her a text with a question only she would know and it anwered it correctly.
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Old 05-02-2018, 01:15 PM
 
11,784 posts, read 9,336,574 times
Reputation: 15849
OP, I have some completely non-judgmental questions - they may sound judgy, but I am not intending to be that way and I'm just curious about something.

You said she definitely lied about her job, and you think she lied about college. Had you ever asked her, especially more recently, what classes she was taking? Whether she liked her professors (even if online, she had professors and she may like and dislike some as she would if she had an in-person class)? What assignments she was working on at any given time? How her day at work went? Etc., other detailed questions about her job.

I'm basically trying to find out how deep the lies were, or if you have the type of relationship where you don't really talk much in detail about things and you would just trust what she said with no questions asked; not even for the purpose to see if she's lying, just basic curiosity about how her life is going.
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Old 05-02-2018, 01:50 PM
 
9,386 posts, read 14,717,306 times
Reputation: 15236
This bit of advice is a bit late for the OP, but my son sometimes leads a less than ideal lifestyle. At times I've wondered if someone else is answering his texts, etc. We have a code for just that reason. Its transparent to someone else, but we know. Once it cam in handy. Today is a different world from what we grew up in, with social media, newer forms of communications, etc.
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