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Old 05-03-2018, 06:08 AM
 
3,040 posts, read 2,981,995 times
Reputation: 7292

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Oh, you want to keep the dog? Great! Go get it a license in your name, take it to the vet, bring it indoors and housebreak it. When she leaves, tell her the dog is yours, since she never took care of it. Besides, most places one rents wouldn't allow a dog.
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Old 05-03-2018, 07:17 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
947 posts, read 460,572 times
Reputation: 1145
is there anyway you can just think of her room and bathroom as her own space and just let it go? i know you dont want it dirty but while shes staying there you could just not worry about it. shes probably just used to being mess and she works and then doesnt feel like dealing with it. but if it bothers you, you could think of it as your space.

i say this as a clean person from a messy family lol. Trust me, i had to share a bedroom my whole life with my sister who is the messiest person ever. i had to block it out or else i would have went crazy. trust me. Once i just ignored it, it made my life easier and I was way less stressed out about it.

you might just be thinking about the smaller things because you are mad about what happened in ya'lls past. i can understand that. but at least she came to you for help.She knew she could go home to her mom. i think that really says something.

She really does need to take care of puppy though. maybe you could do that, get the puppy her shots and then surprise your daughter with it. but also remind her that she needs to take care of the dog. especially as puppies, they definitely need to be watched a lot.

i'm sorry i have no more advice. i don't have a good relationship with my mom. but you do sound like an awesome mom and she is lucky to have you! i wish I had a mom like you lol. i hope you both work stuff out. Maybe now that shes had some time away yall can both get closer. Maybe on her next day off you can ask her to hang out? Go to lunch, see a movie and go get shots for puppy lol.
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Old 05-03-2018, 07:22 AM
 
Location: Central Mexico and Central Florida
5,825 posts, read 2,409,065 times
Reputation: 8261
She has a full-time job, you said. Help her find a place of her own.
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Old 05-03-2018, 07:28 AM
 
Location: Denver area
20,787 posts, read 21,323,231 times
Reputation: 33766
First off, of course it's a parenting issue. If you weren't her parent, you wouldn't allow her to move into your home.

I agree with poster(s) who have said to not be cleaning up her space (bathroom and bedroom).

It's been 2 weeks. Time to have a "come to Jesus" meeting about the expectations of adults living in your home.

If she has a job there is no reason to not encourage and assist her in the moving out process if she is not living up to the expectations outlined in the meeting.

If she is living up to expectations, consider assisting her in some kind of educational pursuit that would provide a liveable wage in the future.
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Old 05-03-2018, 07:30 AM
 
11,923 posts, read 13,873,645 times
Reputation: 13239
Quote:
Originally Posted by upsadaisy View Post
is there anyway you can just think of her room and bathroom as her own space and just let it go?
That's what I was thinking too....
There's no need for mom to go into daughters room to clean..that's her choice, and probably not her daughters.
Mother may have offered her home to her child, but that shouldn't include lack of privacy...she needs to think of her daughter as full grown, and not continue cleaning up after her...especially when it's in the daughters room.
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Old 05-03-2018, 07:32 AM
 
Location: Denver area
20,787 posts, read 21,323,231 times
Reputation: 33766
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
That's what I was thinking too....
There's no need for mom to go into daughters room to clean..that's her choice, and probably not her daughters.
Mother may have offered her home to her child, but that shouldn't include lack of privacy...she needs to think of her daughter as full grown, and not continue cleaning up after her...especially when it's in the daughters room.
Yes,my thought is mom is likely using "cleaning" as an excuse to be in daughter's room poking around.
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Old 05-03-2018, 07:43 AM
Status: "Cautiously optimistic" (set 7 days ago)
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
32,298 posts, read 40,468,297 times
Reputation: 52497
Your mistake was not having the “end game” agreed to up front. Since you didn’t tell her a time limit, now is the time.

Is her dad there too, or just you? Sit her down and calmly tell her you are glad to help her short term, but she has 3 months to find an apartment and move out. If you need to give her help with a deposit, do it. Let the high school stuff go. Start fresh now, by treating her like the grownup she is. She is the only one who can correct the damage from her bad choices.

As parentologist said, the dog has to go, unless she has a plan for its care during the day while she works.
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Old 05-03-2018, 07:51 AM
 
245 posts, read 71,072 times
Reputation: 293
Quote:
Originally Posted by picklejuice View Post
Your full grown "bird" does not belong in your empty nest. You are handicapping her NOT helping.
Couldn't agree more!! You've become her housekeeper and enabler, although I'm sure that's not what you intended. I'm curious why you would think letting her move back in was a good idea, especially since she was still with the BF, etc. And with a dog? NO.

You sound much too timid for a disrespectful young lady and she probably knows she is going to get over on you.

Did you have any ground rules for when she DID move back in? If not, sounds like you need to get this over and done with NOW and give her a period of time to comply. If she doesn't, out she goes, unless you want to be her maid, dog sitter, and probably eventually, cause I've seem this happen countless times, her babysitter when she starts having kids. Maybe she'll have the BF move in. Don't let this continue.

Last edited by pamjedlicka; 05-03-2018 at 07:52 AM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 05-03-2018, 08:42 AM
 
5,885 posts, read 4,889,802 times
Reputation: 7843
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
That's what I was thinking too....
There's no need for mom to go into daughters room to clean..that's her choice, and probably not her daughters.
Mother may have offered her home to her child, but that shouldn't include lack of privacy...she needs to think of her daughter as full grown, and not continue cleaning up after her...especially when it's in the daughters room.
This is true...but if I were Mom, I would absolutely DRAW THE LINE on her having any male overnight guests in that room.
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Old 05-03-2018, 08:50 AM
 
2,986 posts, read 1,791,500 times
Reputation: 5761
Tell her she needs to rehome the dog. If/when she moves out you know she will not take care of it. The poor thing is helpless. Please get it shots at a low cost clinic. It won't help your daughter but it will help the dog. She obviously doesn't care about it.
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