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Old 05-07-2018, 06:58 AM
 
Location: Metro Detroit
1,758 posts, read 1,655,684 times
Reputation: 3401

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I'm not sure why this is a discussion and debate we're having. I can easily say that in my own personal life, I in no way, shape or form, want to have a baby in my 50s. I'm 32, I have two toddlers, and they drive my insane. I would not want to experience this as me +20 years.

I am not you. I am not this woman. I am not another person. I only get to tell you that Geo-Aggie should not have a kid at 50. It would be wrong of me to try and extend this perspective to someone else.

Other people have different tolerances for different things. If someone wants to have a kid at 50 and chase a toddler around at 52, cool. I don't understand it, but I don't have to. It is their choice, not mine. I'm sure there are people who don't understand why I'd spend my early 30s chasing toddlers around, but that was mine and my partner's choice - not theirs.
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Old 05-07-2018, 07:34 AM
 
2,882 posts, read 1,477,253 times
Reputation: 7782
I had an older mother for the times (my mom was near 40 when I was born) and while I loved my mom dearly, I would have preferred if she had been a younger mom when I was growing up. And also, I was dealing with her having Alzheimer's when I was in my early 30s which should have been my child-bearing years. It would have been easier to deal with the issues of an aging parent with cognitive issues if I had already had my own established family and not trying to build a career too.

Lots of people talk about what it's like for the mother giving birth, but that is my perspective as the kid.
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Old 05-07-2018, 08:40 AM
 
126 posts, read 73,734 times
Reputation: 217
Default re

Quote:
Originally Posted by Geo-Aggie View Post
I'm not sure why this is a discussion and debate we're having. I can easily say that in my own personal life, I in no way, shape or form, want to have a baby in my 50s. I'm 32, I have two toddlers, and they drive my insane. I would not want to experience this as me +20 years.

I am not you. I am not this woman. I am not another person. I only get to tell you that Geo-Aggie should not have a kid at 50. It would be wrong of me to try and extend this perspective to someone else.

Other people have different tolerances for different things. If someone wants to have a kid at 50 and chase a toddler around at 52, cool. I don't understand it, but I don't have to. It is their choice, not mine. I'm sure there are people who don't understand why I'd spend my early 30s chasing toddlers around, but that was mine and my partner's choice - not theirs.
Same reason abortion is still a debate. and immigration.
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Old 05-07-2018, 08:58 AM
 
1,101 posts, read 753,116 times
Reputation: 2062
My neighbor had a baby last year at 48 and I see the exhaustion and way she looks at us. We were grandparents at 44 and now have tween grandchildren. Her face sometimes has that “what did we do?” look when she see us with our grands. My hat is off to her because there is no way I could have done it that way.
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Old 05-07-2018, 09:08 AM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
85,982 posts, read 100,734,871 times
Reputation: 32383
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel View Post
I had an older mother for the times (my mom was near 40 when I was born) and while I loved my mom dearly, I would have preferred if she had been a younger mom when I was growing up. And also, I was dealing with her having Alzheimer's when I was in my early 30s which should have been my child-bearing years. It would have been easier to deal with the issues of an aging parent with cognitive issues if I had already had my own established family and not trying to build a career too.

Lots of people talk about what it's like for the mother giving birth, but that is my perspective as the kid.
I started composing a reply to this earlier and had to delete it and take a break. I am appalled at your post, to use the only word I can think of right now.

We all can think of things we'd prefer to have been different in our lives. You don't even say why you would have preferred a younger mom. I've a newsflash for you-all moms seem "old" to their kids. The moms are the "enforcers" (as Barbara Bush was quoted as saying at her funeral), the ones who stopped all the fun, made the rules, made the kids make their beds, clean up their rooms, take out the trash, yada, yada.

I'm sorry you had to deal with Alzheimer's in your mom. That is probably the one real reason for taking pause of having children quite late in the childbearing cycle. However, Alzheimer's can strike at any age. "Early-onset" Alzheimer's is that which is diagnosed before age 65. About 5% of Alzheimer's patients have early onset, which can start in the 40s. So even a mom who has kids in her 20s can develop Alzheimer's when her kids are in their 20s. And lots of people end up being caregivers for their parents at various phases of their own lives.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-...s/art-20048356
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Old 05-07-2018, 09:36 AM
 
Location: Winterpeg
761 posts, read 278,837 times
Reputation: 3188
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharpydove View Post
My neighbor had a baby last year at 48 and I see the exhaustion and way she looks at us. We were grandparents at 44 and now have tween grandchildren. Her face sometimes has that “what did we do?” look when she see us with our grands. My hat is off to her because there is no way I could have done it that way.
I have the same thing with my twin brother. At a family wedding a couple of years ago he and his wife were chasing their bored 2 and 4 year olds around, and my husband and I were relaxing having a great time visiting with our daughter and her boyfriend, and they were grabbing us drinks when they went to the bar.

I wouldn't want to be in my early 50 and three kids in early elementary school, like them. My sister-in-law is not enjoying herself, either. I feel bad for her.
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Old 05-07-2018, 09:47 AM
 
2,962 posts, read 2,964,886 times
Reputation: 2861
I see no problems with it. As long as they are cognizant that they'll want to make some arrangements for their children if the parent(s) die before the kids are adults.

I have a relative whom at 57 adopted 5 girls - ages 3 to 8 or something. So while she did not give birth to these girls, she decided to leverage her current financial situation to help these girls grow up together. I'd imagine placing 5 girls in the same home is difficult. 10 years later, she's 67 and the girls are all teenagers. She did explicitly say that at great expense, so lined up finances for them in case she and her husband die before the girls are 21+.
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Old 05-07-2018, 09:50 AM
 
2,882 posts, read 1,477,253 times
Reputation: 7782
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katarina Witt View Post
I started composing a reply to this earlier and had to delete it and take a break. I am appalled at your post, to use the only word I can think of right now.

We all can think of things we'd prefer to have been different in our lives. You don't even say why you would have preferred a younger mom. I've a newsflash for you-all moms seem "old" to their kids. The moms are the "enforcers" (as Barbara Bush was quoted as saying at her funeral), the ones who stopped all the fun, made the rules, made the kids make their beds, clean up their rooms, take out the trash, yada, yada.

I'm sorry you had to deal with Alzheimer's in your mom. That is probably the one real reason for taking pause of having children quite late in the childbearing cycle. However, Alzheimer's can strike at any age. "Early-onset" Alzheimer's is that which is diagnosed before age 65. About 5% of Alzheimer's patients have early onset, which can start in the 40s. So even a mom who has kids in her 20s can develop Alzheimer's when her kids are in their 20s. And lots of people end up being caregivers for their parents at various phases of their own lives.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-...s/art-20048356
Ok! You do you.
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Old 05-07-2018, 09:54 AM
 
15,258 posts, read 16,455,631 times
Reputation: 25403
There is a couple in our community who had 5 or 6 children, the youngest of whom was in high school. The couple was in their late 50s when they had two more children, I assume via frozen embryos. I think they're crazy, but they seem happy enough. The mom seemed to hide the last pregnancy because everyone was surprised when she delivered. I've also heard gossip that they're adult children weren't happy about the new babies, but I don't know if that's true.

Another couple in their mid-40s with a daughter who just graduated from high school now have a toddler and twins born before Christmas. They had been very outspoken about their difficulties getting pregnant after the first child and they used a surrogate. They're wealthy and have at least one nanny. It's not for me, but as long as they're happy and the kids are well cared for, it's not anyone else's business.
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Old 05-07-2018, 10:00 AM
 
15,258 posts, read 16,455,631 times
Reputation: 25403
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel View Post
I had an older mother for the times (my mom was near 40 when I was born) and while I loved my mom dearly, I would have preferred if she had been a younger mom when I was growing up. And also, I was dealing with her having Alzheimer's when I was in my early 30s which should have been my child-bearing years. It would have been easier to deal with the issues of an aging parent with cognitive issues if I had already had my own established family and not trying to build a career too.

Lots of people talk about what it's like for the mother giving birth, but that is my perspective as the kid.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katarina Witt View Post
I started composing a reply to this earlier and had to delete it and take a break. I am appalled at your post, to use the only word I can think of right now.

We all can think of things we'd prefer to have been different in our lives. You don't even say why you would have preferred a younger mom. I've a newsflash for you-all moms seem "old" to their kids. The moms are the "enforcers" (as Barbara Bush was quoted as saying at her funeral), the ones who stopped all the fun, made the rules, made the kids make their beds, clean up their rooms, take out the trash, yada, yada.

I'm sorry you had to deal with Alzheimer's in your mom. That is probably the one real reason for taking pause of having children quite late in the childbearing cycle. However, Alzheimer's can strike at any age. "Early-onset" Alzheimer's is that which is diagnosed before age 65. About 5% of Alzheimer's patients have early onset, which can start in the 40s. So even a mom who has kids in her 20s can develop Alzheimer's when her kids are in their 20s. And lots of people end up being caregivers for their parents at various phases of their own lives.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-...s/art-20048356
KW, I don't understand why you're appalled. This thread is about older moms and Wasel wrote about having an older mom. My mom was 36 when I was born and I was 36 when my daughter was born. I wish we'd both been younger so she would have been in my life longer and I would have the potential to be in my daughter's life longer. I, too, had to take care of my mom with dementia while my daughter was in elementary and middle school. I'm not resentful, but I wish my daughter had enjoyed a fully functional grandma. Don't get me wrong--they loved each other. But my daughter won't have many memories of my mom because after my daughter was about 10, all they could do was watch TV together. And my father, who was 38 when I was born, died when my daughter was 3. I just wish we'd all had more time together.
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