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Old 05-05-2018, 10:15 AM
3,205 posts, read 2,810,962 times
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You have a different perspective after you have kids. Blow it off when they say something they have no idea about. They may apologize when they have kids themselves.
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Old 05-05-2018, 10:15 AM
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Originally Posted by agreen9189 View Post
Lol Yes but they were completely different one was all red, the other was like black with pink, blue and yellow stripes

What fun. . A fashion statement par excellence
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Old 05-05-2018, 11:10 AM
2,301 posts, read 1,114,298 times
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Nah they are being naive. Wait until they have kids.
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Old 05-05-2018, 11:15 AM
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Of course friends without kids usually don't know what goes into getting a child ready, feeding a child, etc, etc. If they do have some idea, they don't often know what is like on a day-to-day basis. One of my favorite Dave Barry quotes is this: A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children." It's so true. Let those comment roll off you. If they have kids someday, they'll realize it. Snarky comments in return won't mean anything to them now.

As for the visit part- I totally get that. I have 3 kids and had my first in my late 20s (before all of my friends). I so appreciated the friends who were happy to spend time with me AND my children. But not everyone liked that. And now that my kids are older, I don't want to spend time with friends and their younger children all that often (unless we plan for a date WITH all our children). There's nothing judgmental about that or a sign that they don't like your kid. It's just completely different to spend time with someone who has a child hanging around than time without kids. If you value these friendships, see if you can work out time together without your child. When your child is around, you are splitting your attention between your child and your friend and it also limits the way you and your friend can talk and what you talk about.

Get to know other moms with young kids through playgroups, library story time, visiting parks, etc. Some of my best memories and closest friends were friends made after I had kids through these informal events. When you both have kids around, it's much more relaxing and fun. And the other mom will "get you" on some level. Of course, then you may get into potential judgy mom wars, so choose those friends wisely. You might have to kiss a few frogs to find your princess
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Old 05-05-2018, 12:00 PM
Location: 500 miles from home
27,233 posts, read 15,024,326 times
Reputation: 20847
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
I wouldn't really say anything to them unless they were rude to your son or excessively rude. But you might look for more "mommy" friends if you don't have any. They are such a blessing when you have little ones.

This is so very true. Mommy friends can help each other and have fun too. I don't know if I could have done it without my Mommy friends.

Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
Just smile and say "I'll be sure to remind you of that statement when you have your own kids."
LOL. I cringe when I think of MY own statements before I had a kid.
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Old 05-07-2018, 11:45 AM
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You should have said, "He has another pair just like them at home!"
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Old 05-07-2018, 12:17 PM
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you are taking it too personally. There is a show on Netflix on this issue you are dealing with, its called "The Letdown". One specific episode where she brings her baby to hangout with friends because she couldn't find a sitter & the friends made excuse to end the night only to have after party without her.

I been in your friends shoe. Half of my friends were starting to have babies in late 20's while other half of my friends were dating/settling down around that time. Since college we always tried hosting a big gathering at someone's place & it was always fun to catch up. But then my friends started brining their babies with them to the parties. now in middle of a deep conversation about my dating life, a baby starts crying & ruins the moment and now we are off track. Soon more friends started having babies and toddlers & our hangout turned into daycare. The group automatically shifted in 2 parts (2 sides of the room with few quick conversation as we got food). We eventually realize this is not working & have cut down large hangouts.

As other posters say, priority is different. Even friends who had kids in earlier and are now pass the baby stage don't want to hangout with a friend and her baby all the time. But the OPs friends question about socks sounds innocent and not judge
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Old 05-07-2018, 03:40 PM
Location: Alabama and Ohio
170 posts, read 77,421 times
Reputation: 342
Yes. Thanks for the responses I decided against saying anything, Ive known all of them for over 10 years and know they have good intentions and hearts, like you all stated they just dont get it right now. But im definitely going to start looking for more Mom friends
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Old 05-07-2018, 04:03 PM
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,860 posts, read 18,875,631 times
Reputation: 25110
By the time they get around to having kids at 33 or 34, you'll have all the mommy stuff down pat, your son will be past the messy years, and you'll be secretly rolling your eyes at how inept their parenting is, at least at first.

My sister always made snide comments and made me feel like an inadequate parent. Now she's got a kid, and he runs wild, won't wear anything but pajamas, climbs everything in the house, won't sleep in his own bed, kicks his dad in the nuts every time he picks him up, and refuses to be toilet trained even though he's three.
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Old 05-07-2018, 05:05 PM
Location: Texas
6,414 posts, read 2,340,871 times
Reputation: 13783
Originally Posted by agreen9189 View Post
. I love my friends and Its not weird me being the only parent, but my only concern is they can be slightly judgy at times which is a peeve for example last week I visited my friends who are twin sisters, one of them noticed my son had on mismatched socks ( I couldn't find the other one in the suitcase and was in a rush so I was winging it) so she made a comment jokingly, but I could tell she was judging me as well. So I made a remark to her telling her "I hope once you have children , you have it all together".
I'd tell her off. It doesn't matter if kids wear mismatched socks or what they're wearing. I get those stupid comments too. I'm not sure why anyone cares what socks my kids wear.
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