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Old Yesterday, 05:41 PM
 
Location: planet earth
1,137 posts, read 406,152 times
Reputation: 2823

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Quote:
Originally Posted by kenneth.24 View Post
My mom was so nasty to my sister (and me) when we were growing up. Trust me, I'm not assuming anything, I was there and saw it as well as experienced it with my own two eyes. She is not a good person, it has nothing to do with perception it's a fact. My dad is a good person. He has a kind heart and I think that any parent deserves to have that one last moment with their child before they pass (which, for my dad, will be very soon). it's selfish of her to take that away from him.
You don't get it.

Your sister has another perspective.

It's okay.

You don't have to agree with it.
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Old Yesterday, 05:47 PM
 
Location: Denver CO
16,481 posts, read 8,558,349 times
Reputation: 23890
A lie by omission is still a lie. Are you prepared for your daughters to potentially resent the fact that you lied when they do learn the truth?

As for your sister, you need to let go of that. She's not you, she is entitled to her own opinions and decisions about both of your parents. Move on, because she's not going to do what you want her to do.
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Old Yesterday, 05:48 PM
 
Location: planet earth
1,137 posts, read 406,152 times
Reputation: 2823
Why would they "learn the truth?" Medical records are private.
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Old Yesterday, 05:48 PM
 
Location: Northern CA area
73 posts, read 25,594 times
Reputation: 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
You don't get it.

Your sister has another perspective.

It's okay.

You don't have to agree with it.
I don't agree with it. At all. In fact I don't understand it in the slightest, either. Given we've been dealing with this since we were kids you'd think she'd understand how severe clinical depression works by now. It isn't, wasn't, and has never been his choice.
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Old Yesterday, 05:49 PM
 
Location: Denver CO
16,481 posts, read 8,558,349 times
Reputation: 23890
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Why would they "learn the truth?" Medical records are private.
Because other people in the family will know and they will find out at some point. That's just reality.
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Old Yesterday, 05:50 PM
 
Location: Northern CA area
73 posts, read 25,594 times
Reputation: 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Why would they "learn the truth?" Medical records are private.
If my sister tells my nieces (which, she will, I know her and I'm sure she won't hold back) it will definitely come up at some point.
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Old Yesterday, 05:52 PM
 
Location: Northern CA area
73 posts, read 25,594 times
Reputation: 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
A lie by omission is still a lie. Are you prepared for your daughters to potentially resent the fact that you lied when they do learn the truth?

As for your sister, you need to let go of that. She's not you, she is entitled to her own opinions and decisions about both of your parents. Move on, because she's not going to do what you want her to do.

But maybe the end justifies the means in this case.
I'm starting to think my sister is just turning into our mom. And I don't mean that as a good thing.
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Old Yesterday, 05:56 PM
 
Location: Pikeville, Ky.
13,395 posts, read 20,760,349 times
Reputation: 17416
Moderator cut: interrupt

Just a word of caution guys. We usually do not allow suicide threads, but this one is about a posters children and how and if he should explain suicide to them if their grandfather who is in hospital dies from the attempt and if he should even tell his children that grampa has attempted suicid in the likelihood he survives.

Please stay on that topic and be respectful to each other.
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Old Yesterday, 06:32 PM
 
Location: Denver CO
16,481 posts, read 8,558,349 times
Reputation: 23890
Quote:
Originally Posted by kenneth.24 View Post
But maybe the end justifies the means in this case.
I'm starting to think my sister is just turning into our mom. And I don't mean that as a good thing.
just because your sister isn't willing to live her life according to your terms doesn't make her a bad person. but that's off topic for this parenting question. In this case, the relevance of your sister is that she and her children will know the truth about your father's suicide which means that sooner rather than later (and likely sooner if your children spend time with their cousins) your daughters will find out too.

And frankly, I think wanting to keep it secret means you are the one stigmatizing suicide and making it seem as if it's something shameful, something to be embarrassed about. It's not. It's a very tragic expression of your father's depression. It's sad, not shameful.
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Old Yesterday, 06:39 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
36,011 posts, read 34,671,806 times
Reputation: 67374
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
just because your sister isn't willing to live her life according to your terms doesn't make her a bad person.
The way she lives her life, with gossip and general disrespect of HIS feelings, is infringing on the way he is trying to raise his children.

OP, given that your sister is apparently a loose cannon with a questionable sense of decency or restraint, in this case the only thing you can do to diffuse the situation and have some influence over how your daughters deal with this is to go ahead and tell them.

It's not the worst thing in the world to share, and it's not too much for them to handle if your youngest is 12. I was thinking your kids were much younger.

If you explain it (briefly) to them, share your own emotions and give them a chance to process their emotions and ask questions, there will be no stigma and no secret for you to worry about your sister exposing.

Good luck to you. I am very sorry this happened, and I hope your sister gets some help for her issues.
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