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Old 05-09-2018, 06:59 PM
 
Location: Bloomington, IL
12,523 posts, read 6,627,784 times
Reputation: 29215

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You didn't discuss kid issues before you "got" a house together? Are you buying it or sharing the rent? Anyway, that should have been a major discussion to come to terms with before sharing a space together - start talking NOW. And no spanking allowed because she'll likely kick you out or even call the police on you! If you can't handle how she raises her kids you need to move out/on.
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Old 05-09-2018, 08:26 PM
 
3,195 posts, read 3,137,187 times
Reputation: 7870
She's living her own nightmare - you shouldn't share it. Get your own place, or get a place with a roommate without kids.
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Old 05-10-2018, 02:23 AM
 
15,682 posts, read 17,996,515 times
Reputation: 25064
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I agree. Your room mate also needs to work with the teachers and school on the homework and school related issues.

I bet that if the oldest child is physically violent against his mother (leaving marks/bruises), he is also having behavioral problems at school.
Or, witnessed an abusive father who he learned this behavior from. Kids who come from homes like this do act out when they leave the home. Your roommate needs counseling, and her kids need counseling. I had extensive counseling, including co-dependency counseling....and this program (below) was to help my children and myself unlearn the dysfunctional survival behaviors that you learn when you live with emotional/physical abuse.

She should look for a "Nurturing" program, usually ran by a social service agency in your local area....It is to help children and parents adjust when transitioning from an abusive or controlling home. I took my 4 sons to this type program back in the late 80's. I attended adult sessions, while my children attended age appropriate sessions, at the same time....learning to unlearn bad behaviors.....like abuse emotion and or physical. It works!

Do not touch those kids in any disciplinary or angry way. Model good behavior.....talk to them ask why he is angry....and listen. Help your roommate to reach out to the proper agencies for the help that she so needs right now.....it will change their lives for the better.....but it is needed immediately.

I couldn't find the specific program that my family attended. It was free, and it was a referral by school, churches, social services, I think that I found out about was referred by my counselor or a domestic violence group. Help her find where and how to get involved with this type program....That is the absolute best thing, beyond counseling that she can do for herself and her kids.

Just a few links. Research, there were many more programs listed.
https://www.dc4k.org/

ww.blueprintsprograms.com/factsheet/new-beginnings-for-children-of-divorce

https://www.childrensinstitute.net/programs/codip

https://rainbows.org/services/divorce-support
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Old 05-10-2018, 05:08 AM
 
2,619 posts, read 2,744,338 times
Reputation: 2536
Quote:
Originally Posted by citylove101 View Post
Are these kids doing anything to make your life uncomfortable? Are they bothering, disturbing, or hurting you (or your belongings)? If so, I would talk to the Mom specifically about that and how to control/end the children's behavior insofar as it affects you personally.
I agree with many other posters here about staying out of it, but this here is a great point. If the kids are disrespecting you or your belongings, you should bring it into the conversation. Keep in mind that this might result in a very difficult discussion with your roommate.
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Old 05-10-2018, 07:36 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
1,140 posts, read 572,743 times
Reputation: 1491
you really shouldn't hit/spank kids, especially if theyre not yours. It's not your place to discipline them at all. But even if you were going to why spank them?! Have you ever been hit? Its horrible and makes you eel bad about yourself.

you are a grown man, don't be hitting kids!
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Old 05-10-2018, 08:50 AM
 
Location: Staten Island, NY
7,534 posts, read 6,263,961 times
Reputation: 6637
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Mind your own business. Don't hit children. You don't know what she is dealing with.
It's 100% her business. She lives with them. Of course she knows what the other is dealing with.
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Old 05-10-2018, 09:23 AM
 
Location: La Mesa Aka The Table
7,099 posts, read 7,342,861 times
Reputation: 7860
I love how some of the responses only focused on spanking children but not on helping solve the problem.
I would talk to you roommate and see if she may into getting her and the kids into counseling.
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Old 05-10-2018, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Canada
4,926 posts, read 3,474,984 times
Reputation: 12935
Kids these days get away with so much more than they used to before the days of spanking (and I DON"T mean BEATING) and getting the strap at school. If they say spanking is so bad, then why are KIDS so bad these days? They have NO respect because talking to most of them just DOES NOT WORK.

Don't believe me? ask a teacher. They get told to F-off and the teacher can't do a thing except haul them down to the principal's office, if they even bother. Then the principal has his hands tied by parents who whine about their poor kids being treated unfairly. Boo hoo! Then discipline your kids!

My girlfriend is a school yard monitor. The stories she tells me about unruly/rude children and how they treat her would curl your hair. She is very diplomatic and has had this job for years. I don't think I'd last a week.

Personally, I am sick of unruly kids.

OP, ask your room mate what she wants you to do if her kids are being unruly and rude to YOU and follow through with what she says. As for how SHE handles them when they are unruly and rude to HER, that's HER business.
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Old 05-10-2018, 09:31 AM
 
2,385 posts, read 830,284 times
Reputation: 2120
Quote:
Originally Posted by hitman619 View Post
I love how some of the responses only focused on spanking children but not on helping solve the problem.
I would talk to you roommate and see if she may into getting her and the kids into counseling.
Oh my gosh ...how did parents ever manage to raise children into becoming responsible adults before seeking out a counselor to assist became the norm ...?
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Old 05-10-2018, 09:38 AM
 
1,860 posts, read 1,104,223 times
Reputation: 8758
Quote:
Originally Posted by RomulusXXV View Post
Oh my gosh ...how did parents ever manage to raise children into becoming responsible adults before seeking out a counselor to assist became the norm ...?
I have to admit this is what I was thinking through this thread.

A couple of episodes of Super Nanny would help as much. Or maybe reading a few how-to parenting blogs. Not saying she's THE WAY to do things, but there is a huge gulf between not doing anything, spanking, and actually setting boundaries and enforcing them.

I really can't imagine why anyone would need counseling JUST to set up some house rules and stick to them.

To the OP -- A roommate has no business disciplining someone else's kids unless they are hired to do so or left specifically in care of the kids for a certain time like a babysitter. The limit otherwise should be if they are doing something naughty and you tell them to stop and if they don't, get their parent.
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