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Old 05-10-2018, 10:19 AM
 
15,276 posts, read 16,789,544 times
Reputation: 15003

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Quote:
Originally Posted by gouligann View Post
Kids these days get away with so much more than they used to before the days of spanking (and I DON"T mean BEATING) and getting the strap at school. If they say spanking is so bad, then why are KIDS so bad these days? They have NO respect because talking to most of them just DOES NOT WORK.

Don't believe me? ask a teacher. They get told to F-off and the teacher can't do a thing except haul them down to the principal's office, if they even bother. Then the principal has his hands tied by parents who whine about their poor kids being treated unfairly. Boo hoo! Then discipline your kids!

My girlfriend is a school yard monitor. The stories she tells me about unruly/rude children and how they treat her would curl your hair. She is very diplomatic and has had this job for years. I don't think I'd last a week.

Personally, I am sick of unruly kids.

OP, ask your room mate what she wants you to do if her kids are being unruly and rude to YOU and follow through with what she says. As for how SHE handles them when they are unruly and rude to HER, that's HER business.
It is a MYTH that kids are worse behaved now than they were in the past.

https://curiosity.com/topics/juvenoi...ver-curiosity/

https://www.mdedge.com/pediatricnews...rse-today-past

Quote:
From the latest data from the Monitoring the Future Study, one of the nationís most reliable sources on teen substance use, the use of both alcohol and tobacco among youth is at the lowest level since the study began in 1975.
Quote:
From the National Center for Education Statistics and the National Crime Victimization Survey, the number of students who report being bullied at school has dropped from 32% in 2007 to an all-time low of 22% in 2013.
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Old 05-10-2018, 10:58 AM
 
Location: Greenville, SC
4,021 posts, read 3,250,188 times
Reputation: 7366
Stay out of it and keep your hands off them. Best friends and roommates have no business disciplining their friends/roommates children - and if the parent does not believe in spanking, keep your mouth shut because it's not your business. If you don't like it or disapprove, move out.
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Old 05-10-2018, 11:34 AM
 
Location: here
24,467 posts, read 28,670,793 times
Reputation: 31035
Quote:
Originally Posted by gouligann View Post
Kids these days get away with so much more than they used to before the days of spanking (and I DON"T mean BEATING) and getting the strap at school. If they say spanking is so bad, then why are KIDS so bad these days? They have NO respect because talking to most of them just DOES NOT WORK.

Don't believe me? ask a teacher. They get told to F-off and the teacher can't do a thing except haul them down to the principal's office, if they even bother. Then the principal has his hands tied by parents who whine about their poor kids being treated unfairly. Boo hoo! Then discipline your kids!

My girlfriend is a school yard monitor. The stories she tells me about unruly/rude children and how they treat her would curl your hair. She is very diplomatic and has had this job for years. I don't think I'd last a week.

Personally, I am sick of unruly kids.

OP, ask your room mate what she wants you to do if her kids are being unruly and rude to YOU and follow through with what she says. As for how SHE handles them when they are unruly and rude to HER, that's HER business.
A lot of people here have managed to raise respectful kids without spanking them. It's not necessary.
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Old 05-10-2018, 12:16 PM
 
Location: Greenville, SC
4,021 posts, read 3,250,188 times
Reputation: 7366
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
A lot of people here have managed to raise respectful kids without spanking them. It's not necessary.
I'm 71 years old, I and my siblings were never spanked or physically disciplined, and we turned out fine. So have the many other kids who were raised without corporal punishment. I spent six years working with hundreds of domestic violence offenders, and they all had had corporal punishment inflicted on them by parents and were under the misconception that you needed to hit your kids to get their respect. Worked really well for them, I'd point out. And if you can get good results by physically intimidating your kids, why not use the same tactic with your spouse?

Spanking teaches kids two things: (1) the bigger more powerful person always has the advantage and (2) violence empowers the perpetrator. Violence begets violence - it's called modeling. Kids learn by observing the adults in their life. The sins of the father are visited on his sons. Those who say, "I was spanked and I turned out OK" are mistaken in turning this into a general principle for parenting, or claiming the converse is true: "a kid needs to be spanked to turn out OK". Bull.
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Old 05-10-2018, 12:30 PM
 
4,782 posts, read 2,119,659 times
Reputation: 12170
When Co habitating with other adults and the younger generation ...it's the responsible modeling that sets the stage. I have used brief directives with little ones who resided in my home. Most have abided. This ...'you can't tell my child what to do' is defeating and somewhat domination. If the young one needs guidance or support...it takes a villager to influence the child .
Some have tunnel vision as adults...I'd suggest as a roommate to be on the same page in how the household can be a safe haven and that rules carry consequences. (Barring injury or demeaning words).
I welcomed my room mates guiding my son during the brief time we had shared. My son recalls some of the antics he learned from them . It's rather funny to learn how they collaborated on some tricks!
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Old 05-10-2018, 12:30 PM
 
Location: Alabama and Ohio
170 posts, read 76,656 times
Reputation: 342
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
I don't think most parents spank anymore. It's been shown to be detrimental.
LMAO...... Speak for yourself, SOME kids need spankings.
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Old 05-10-2018, 12:34 PM
 
Location: Texas
6,319 posts, read 2,296,009 times
Reputation: 13503
I'd find a different roommate.
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Old 05-10-2018, 01:46 PM
 
4,267 posts, read 1,452,138 times
Reputation: 9894
I think you should be allowed to discipline the kids. But NO spanking! That's you're friend's call.


But you can take away favorite toys when kids are acting up. You can give them a time out, send them to their room, deny them a treats until homework is done...there's lots of ways to discipline.


But I also think you should sit down with best friend, and pretty much tell her what you told us.
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Old 05-10-2018, 02:10 PM
 
Location: Greenville, SC
4,021 posts, read 3,250,188 times
Reputation: 7366
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
I think you should be allowed to discipline the kids. But NO spanking! That's you're friend's call.

But you can take away favorite toys when kids are acting up. You can give them a time out, send them to their room, deny them a treats until homework is done...there's lots of ways to discipline.

But I also think you should sit down with best friend, and pretty much tell her what you told us.
Whether the OP should participate in disciplining the children when the roommate is away should be a discussion early on between the OP and the roommate. The goal is to agree to what should be done regarding rules and the nature of the consequences of breaking them ONLY when the parent is absent. Consequences imposed by the OP if any when the parent is absent should be restricted to the time while the parent is absent (like a time out or being sent to their room) - any longer term consequences should be left for the parent to impose on her return This needs to be discussed with the children before the first time the parent is absent so they understand the parent and the OP are on the same page regarding the rules and consequences. When the parent is present, all discipline should be done by the parent - not by the OP.

This is based on my training in clinical psychology, family therapy, and child development as well as on my own experience as a stepdad. My stepdaughter was never spanked or hit - and she's grown now with a daughter she never spanked or hit. Discipling can be handled with timeouts for the very young, withholding of privileges when they get older. Spanking is the last resort of those who are too unimaginative to come up with effective nonphysical consequences for bad behavior.

A coworker had worked for years with kids with behavioral problems in a group home. They never used physical discipline - instead, they used timeouts and loss of privileges to great effect. See:

https://www.123magic.com

The other things to bear in mind are: NEVER impose a consequence when you're angry; be consistent in your rules and consequences; and be on the same page as parents/caregivers. This should be about application of dispassionate rules, not how P.O.ed you are at the little "monster". If you're angry, send the child to his room and tell him you'll discuss consequences later - else you'll find yourself backing off on a consequence later because it was too harsh. If a transgression results in an hour in his/her room, it should always carry that consequence - and one parent shouldn't lighten the consequence for the kid without consulting with the parent who imposed it. Kids see these things, and quickly figure out how they can "game the system".
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Old 05-10-2018, 07:11 PM
 
2,301 posts, read 1,107,446 times
Reputation: 2802
Stay out of it. They are not your kids.
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