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Old 05-11-2018, 02:49 PM
 
Location: los angeles county
1,069 posts, read 1,065,472 times
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Just a few I can think of...

-being ambidextrous- my parents told me I started off writing with my left hand, and they forced me to write with my right. It's a good skill to have 2 dominant hands, just in case. In 2nd grade, I had a classmate who could do this. My left hand is so clumsy.

-being low-key smart- Be super smart, but don't be a dweeb. No tiger mom stuff, making kids study study study, neglecting the other important stuff. They need to spend MORE time on social skills/activities and physical activity. There's a lot more important stuff to be learned other than what's in textbooks.

-Cooking. Who the hell knows how to cook these days? so sad.

-the value of money.

-being able to fight back. shut enemies down with smart word choice and make them look stupid, but be able to physically defend yourself if needed. It's ok to fight back, and getting suspended from school is inconsequential during pre-high school years.

-trying everything popular once, or in moderation. Rather than forbidding them from doing certain things, give them a taste to quench their desires. I have found that if kids are disallowed from trying something, they develop an extreme unhealthy desire for it. A stupid example- my bro never got to eat any candy as a child because my parents didn't buy any. He saw other kids at school eating candy, and later started spending ALL his lunch money buying overpriced candy from the vending machines.

-fail a lot, and learn how to deal with it. Less of our parents' scolding and punishment, which doesn't solve the problem.
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Old 05-11-2018, 04:37 PM
 
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I agree with some of what you said, but not the handedness. Your parents were wrong to try to change your dominant hand. It messes with the brain and can cause all sorts of problems. You were lucky if you have no lingering effects. Most people won't ever have two equally "dominant hands"--we just aren't wired that way.
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Old 05-15-2018, 05:30 AM
 
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I second "cooking." I learned to cook in college when I got my own apartment. My then-girlfriend, now-wife had no clue how to cook either. We both learned together. It is an invaluable skill. Some of my kids help me cook. I chop up the veggies and they put it in the pan while I cook them. Considering how little I knew about cooking, I intend to teach them.

Another general thing I intend to teach them - as a dad, I chip in doing what has been traditionally considered the "wife's" jobs around the house. We both cook. I help with the laundry as well as clean the house. And in turn, my wife sometimes mows the lawn. The other day, she pressure washed the driveway. We are both jacks of all trades. We hope to shatter the "gender norms" for our kids.

Funny you brought up "handedness." I don't know if I'd go so far as to teach my children to use their non-dominant hand... but I'm ambidextrous. That's mostly due to how I wrote with my left hand until 2nd grade when my parents switched me into catholic school. And I was wrapped on the wrist so much for using my left hand (that's devil's work!) that I was forced to write with my right. Unfortunately, my right-handed writing is terrible, and after 7 years of that, I was never comfortable going back to my left. However, nearly every thing else, I do with either hand.

Turns out, two of my kids are left-handed. I encourage them to use whatever hand they are more comfortable with for whatever task. So far, those two left-handed kids are becoming ambidextrous. One eats/writes/throws lefthanded, but swings a bat righthanded. The other eats/writes lefthanded but uses a hockey stick righthanded and brushes their teeth righthanded.
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Old 05-15-2018, 06:41 AM
 
Location: Johnson City, TN
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Definitely cooking. Had to figure that one out on my own once I was grown up.

Personal finance. My parents weren't spend-a-holics or gamblers or anything, but there was definitely no sophistication in regard to personal finances.

I think the most important is encouraging kids to look outside their immediate local area. I live in northeast TN. It's a "sticky" area. I'd say a good two-thirds of my high school and college peers have never lived outside the immediate local area. They operate in a little bubble. There's a big wide world out there, and honestly a lot of people are too afraid to actually go out and do something.
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Old 05-15-2018, 07:07 AM
 
Location: Brew City
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[quote=Serious Conversation;51897533]Definitely cooking. Had to figure that one out on my own once I was grown up.

Personal finance. My parents weren't spend-a-holics or gamblers or anything, but there was definitely no sophistication in regard to personal finances.

I think the most important is encouraging kids to look outside their immediate local area. I live in northeast TN. It's a "sticky" area. I'd say a good two-thirds of my high school and college peers have never lived outside the immediate local area. They operate in a little bubble. There's a big wide world out there, and honestly a lot of people are too afraid to actually go out and do something.[/quote]

This is one of the biggest things we consciously try to impart on our kids. We travel as much as we can and we encourage independence. We want our kids to feel confident enough when they leave the nest that they can chase their dreams wherever they may take them. We don't want them to be intimidated by "outside places". They're perfectly comfortable in Manhattan and Chicago as well as the mountains of British Columbia and the woods of the Upper Peninsula. By the time they graduate they'll hopefully be comfortable traveling the world and know that Earth really isn't a big scary place but a wonderful planet where the vast majority of people are good and one can make a life anywhere.

To tie it back to the original question, part of this stems from my husband's family who have never lived anywhere but their home county. They don't know any different and assume everywhere else is the same so there's no reason ever leave. They also seem to resent anyone who does move away or who advances their career and are more successful. They're the epitome of the crabs in a bucket who pull the one trying to escape back down.

Last edited by Vegabern; 05-15-2018 at 07:23 AM..
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Old 05-15-2018, 07:19 AM
 
4,863 posts, read 4,660,161 times
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How to do handstands. This is something my parents never taught me nor had an interest in. I still harbor resentment.
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Old 05-15-2018, 09:32 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn
48 posts, read 21,132 times
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It gets better.
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Old 05-15-2018, 09:49 AM
 
4,863 posts, read 4,660,161 times
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I think it's a fairly good assumption that the OP does not have kids. Being ambidextrous is not at the top of any parents' list. Kids are people. Some are more malleable than others. There is only so much influence you can have - sure, try to teach them the value of money. What are you going to do when they think your an idiot and roll their eyes at your advice and buy the shoes they feel they need to fit in?

OP, if you are an adult your personhood is not the fault of your parents or anyone else. The fantasizing about how awesome you are going to be is just that.

The things on your list are indicative of a non parent and the advice is completely sophomoric. Kind, compassionate, respectful, proud, secure with themselves - those are the types of things you should teach your kids. If you can help them achieve one or two of those when they are 30, especially if it is a boy, good job.

When you do have kids you are going to be very disappointed to find out that they are their own people.
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Old 05-15-2018, 01:26 PM
 
Location: Johnson City, TN
20,166 posts, read 14,551,668 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegabern View Post
This is one of the biggest things we consciously try to impart on our kids. We travel as much as we can and we encourage independence. We want our kids to feel confident enough when they leave the nest that they can chase their dreams wherever they may take them. We don't want them to be intimidated by "outside places". They're perfectly comfortable in Manhattan and Chicago as well as the mountains of British Columbia and the woods of the Upper Peninsula. By the time they graduate they'll hopefully be comfortable traveling the world and know that Earth really isn't a big scary place but a wonderful planet where the vast majority of people are good and one can make a life anywhere.

To tie it back to the original question, part of this stems from my husband's family who have never lived anywhere but their home county. They don't know any different and assume everywhere else is the same so there's no reason ever leave. They also seem to resent anyone who does move away or who advances their career and are more successful. They're the epitome of the crabs in a bucket who pull the one trying to escape back down.
That's a huge issue here. You wouldn't believe the number of people that have basically never been more than 50-100 miles from their home area, aside from trips to well-known tourist areas.
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Old 05-16-2018, 09:13 AM
 
Location: Brew City
2,834 posts, read 1,790,562 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
That's a huge issue here. You wouldn't believe the number of people that have basically never been more than 50-100 miles from their home area, aside from trips to well-known tourist areas.
I believe it. My husband's step sister lives in Johnson City. I wasn't impressed when we visited.

The only reason she's not still living in NW Ohio is because she met a man who took her back to daddy's house in JC.
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