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Old 05-19-2018, 07:49 AM
 
26,646 posts, read 13,585,354 times
Reputation: 19104

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katarina Witt View Post
So start out by lying? I don't think so.

The only thing all these electronic gizmos would do is give the parents a false sense of security.
Yes, a white lie used in an attempt to offer help to the family without seeming nosy or judgmental is a way better option for the OP who expressed that she wants to help but doesn’t know how to approach the situation then just picking up the phone and calling CPS on them.
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Old 05-19-2018, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
90,316 posts, read 120,193,363 times
Reputation: 35920
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
Truthfully, everyone involved knows this is too young to be alone unsupervised.....I don't care how much you try to rationalize it.

OP.............I truly think that you don't know your neighbors at all, otherwise you wouldn't be observing them and starting a thread trying to decide what to do. your concern shows you obviously agree that these young children are in harms way being left alone daily.

One suggestion that I have is to park yourself outside daily, and make sure that the person dropping those kids off sees you. If the parents don't know their small children are being dropped off......being observed.....this driver will stop doing it.

If the parents do .....they will themselves get scared to continue doing it.
Or, It may be that there is someone in the home everyday that you are not aware of.

I would have already either walked over and confronted these "from outward appearances" neglectful parents, or called the police so that they could observe the small children being dropped off alone......anything that will result in this "neglect" or "misunderstanding on your part" stopping is what you should do. Doing nothing has made you part of the problem.
This, particularly the bold.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chicagoliz View Post
I'm not "concocting" anything. There are constant stories about these sorts of caregivers. I'm not on a soapbox - I'm addressing the point that was made that since the kids are alone for a short while, they need to be removed. And I'm saying this is dangerous. (BTW: Do you think I made up the story about the kids whose aunt was denied custody and then they were subsequently used and starved by their adoptive parents and ultimately killed by them driving off a cliff? Then you haven't been paying attention to the news. This is a recent, high profile story.)

The false dichotomy is this imaginary fire that everyone is pointing to. For some reason, everyone is assuming there will be a whole-house conflagration just because the kids are home. While yes, fires can and do happen, I would guess that they happen less often than abuse or trauma caused by CPS removing kids and putting them into the foster care system.

There are some good people who work in the CPS system. I'm not saying that everyone there is some evil monster looking to ruin children. But the whole thing is woefully underfunded, understaffed, and under supervised. Even the best people can't provide what the children in the system really need. And the amount of abuse that occurs within it is mind boggling. Everything about it needs a complete overhaul, but that would involve creating multiple other programs that certain people will always object to.
Allow me to remind you of the OP:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
My neighbor has someone pick up his 4 and 5 year olds from school and drop them off at home at 3pm, where they're alone until the parents get home at 5. He hasn't said anything about it, but it's obvious to me, and I'm sure other neighbors have noticed. Our state doesn't have an official age at which kids can stay home alone, but people do get in trouble for leaving little kids home alone.

I have a 16 year old daughter who would be happy to watch the little girls and doesn't care at all if she gets paid to watch them. I just can't figure out how to approach the neighbor about it. I don't want him to think it's creepy that I've noticed, or if I should just ignore it or tell him at the very least that I'm home if the kids have an emergency.

What should I do? Mind my own business because the school year is almost over, or say something?
What do you see in there about any abusive care provider?

Nobody said that. Several people from the get-go have recommended calling CPS. From there, a giant leap was made that the kids would be removed from the home.

Your hyperbole about the fear of fire notwithstanding, people are saying things can happen which the kids wouldn't be able to handle. More likely than a fire would be an accident-one child falls down the basement steps or whatever, hits their head, scalds themself with hot water from the faucet, stuff like that. Poo-pooing personal safety is foolish, to say the least. To imply it's better to leave kids that age home alone unsupervised is safer than hiring a care-giver because you know about all these abuse stories, replete with anecdotes, is, not to put too fine a point on it, nuts.

If you think everything about the system needs an overhaul, start a thread about that. That's not going to help these kids.
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Old 05-19-2018, 08:28 AM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
90,316 posts, read 120,193,363 times
Reputation: 35920
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissTerri View Post
Yes, a white lie used in an attempt to offer help to the family without seeming nosy or judgmental is a way better option for the OP who expressed that she wants to help but doesn’t know how to approach the situation then just picking up the phone and calling CPS on them.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave! What would be wrong with telling the truth, that you've noticed the kids are left alone for two hours a day?
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Old 05-19-2018, 08:51 AM
 
26,646 posts, read 13,585,354 times
Reputation: 19104
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katarina Witt View Post
Oh, what a tangled web we weave! What would be wrong with telling the truth, that you've noticed the kids are left alone for two hours a day?
The OP very clearly stated that she didn’t want the neighbor to think she was creepy for noticing that the kids were home alone. It was a concern for the op and she was trying to figure out how to approach without telling the neighbor that she knew that the kids were home alone. You may think it’s better for the op to march on over and tell them that she had noticed this but the op was not feeling comfortable with that. She knows the specifics of the situation better then any of us. If telling a simple white lie might make it easier to approach then so be it.

Last edited by MissTerri; 05-19-2018 at 09:02 AM..
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Old 05-19-2018, 09:05 AM
 
581 posts, read 452,965 times
Reputation: 2511
If the OP goes over, offers her daughter to sit and the husband says "no, thanks, we're fine," then what?

Call CPS and have a permanently tense and uncomfortable relationship because the neighbors know she's the one who did it?

There's just no way I can see this going smoothly.
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Old 05-19-2018, 09:16 AM
 
26,646 posts, read 13,585,354 times
Reputation: 19104
Quote:
Originally Posted by SparklesNShine View Post
If the OP goes over, offers her daughter to sit and the husband says "no, thanks, we're fine," then what?

Call CPS and have a permanently tense and uncomfortable relationship because the neighbors know she's the one who did it?

There's just no way I can see this going smoothly.
In post 105 the OP states that she’s not going to call the police or CPS. I would guess that if the neighbor refused help the op would still not call CPS or the police.
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Old 05-19-2018, 09:54 AM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
90,316 posts, read 120,193,363 times
Reputation: 35920
Quote:
Originally Posted by SparklesNShine View Post
If the OP goes over, offers her daughter to sit and the husband says "no, thanks, we're fine," then what?

Call CPS and have a permanently tense and uncomfortable relationship because the neighbors know she's the one who did it?

There's just no way I can see this going smoothly.
You have a point. I like the idea of talking to the school counselor, see what s/he says. I don't think the counselor would have to report it b/c s/he isn't the one who saw anything.
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Old 05-19-2018, 10:32 AM
 
9,722 posts, read 7,546,577 times
Reputation: 24134
Quote:
Originally Posted by SparklesNShine View Post
If the OP goes over, offers her daughter to sit and the husband says "no, thanks, we're fine," then what?

Call CPS and have a permanently tense and uncomfortable relationship because the neighbors know she's the one who did it?

There's just no way I can see this going smoothly.
The next step doesn't have to be CPS.

It could be "okay, here's our number, one of us is here most afternoons if you or the girls need help."

Or, "that's awesome, had no idea your non-driving mother/aunt/cousin was living with you, how nice that she can help with the older girls and they help her"

Or, "gosh, I never noticed Susie walking over over after middle school"

Or, "they're 8 & 9? Time flies, I thought they were younger"
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Old 05-19-2018, 10:37 AM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
90,316 posts, read 120,193,363 times
Reputation: 35920
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
The next step doesn't have to be CPS.

It could be "okay, here's our number, one of us is here most afternoons if you or the girls need help."

Or, "that's awesome, had no idea your non-driving mother/aunt/cousin was living with you, how nice that she can help with the older girls and they help her"

Or, "gosh, I never noticed Susie walking over over after middle school"

Or, "they're 8 & 9? Time flies, I thought they were younger"
The first is enabling. I might or might not call CPS, but I'd never enable that!

The other three are possible, but I have my doubts.
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Old 05-19-2018, 10:45 AM
 
26,646 posts, read 13,585,354 times
Reputation: 19104
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
The next step doesn't have to be CPS.

It could be "okay, here's our number, one of us is here most afternoons if you or the girls need help."

Or, "that's awesome, had no idea your non-driving mother/aunt/cousin was living with you, how nice that she can help with the older girls and they help her"

Or, "gosh, I never noticed Susie walking over over after middle school"

Or, "they're 8 & 9? Time flies, I thought they were younger"
If the family declines the offer for babysitting, I think that the OP giving the family her phone number in case the girls need anything is a good idea.

I wouldn’t leave my kids home alone at the age of 5 but in all honesty, they both would have followed rules if I had laid them out for them, “no cooking, no opening the door for strangers, when you get home you can watch TV or play with your toys, no going outside, there’s a snack on the table or in the fridge”.

While the situation is far from ideal, getting CPS involved is also not ideal.
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