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Old 05-15-2018, 08:59 PM
 
936 posts, read 937,053 times
Reputation: 572

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New parent here, this is more of a vent post

I've never been one to struggle with the feeling of guilt before. Sure I have a lot of regrets in life, but nothing that keeps me up so much and burns me inside everyday.
Out of an avg month of 30 days, I travel for work approx 20/30 days. I am away from my child and I miss him so much. I feel guilt for 1. Not being there with him, taking care of him, being there first thing and last thing and 2. Guilt for not helping my wife. She is so strong to be able to take care of our son solo and tolerate him. I know I can't do it myself.

Again, just a vent post. As a new parent, this is a feeling I have never experienced before and it just hurts
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Old 05-15-2018, 09:12 PM
 
12,726 posts, read 19,119,976 times
Reputation: 32678
People do what they have to do in order to support their families. And, of course, many of our military members see their children less often than the weekends you have with you son. But that won't make you feel better, I know.

Feeling guilty won't help anyone. Finding another job may be the answer.
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Old 05-16-2018, 06:25 AM
 
4,725 posts, read 4,511,489 times
Reputation: 10763
I get it. Consider this - in your own way you are supporting the family and suffering because of it. It stinks all around but people do what they need to do to make things work.

Best of luck.
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Old 05-16-2018, 07:45 AM
 
3,006 posts, read 985,238 times
Reputation: 7020
Aw. I bet most of us have 'been there'. It's hard to look at his sweet, innocent, cute little face, knowing he's totally dependent on you...and you feel like you're somehow letting him down. Plus, they change so quickly.
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Old 05-16-2018, 07:49 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
15,378 posts, read 14,730,178 times
Reputation: 35196
I know that it is difficult but look at it another way. I have a close friend whose whole work ethic changed when he had children. He had always been a top performer on his job, not a workaholic, but just an extremely conscientious employee, always going the extra mile and doing extra things. He had a very, very bright future in his career.

When he had children his whole perspective changed. Now he is out of work at 5 PM sharp (whether the work is done or not, even if he is in the middle of an important phone call or an important task) as his children need to picked up from day care. He and his wife, take every vacation day that is available to them, plus extra days, and take long weekend trips with their young children. This is very different than before he had children.

Sounds like his is being a great father. Right? Well, maybe or maybe not. He had been in line for several years for a huge, huge promotion, something that would (hopefully) set his career for life. And, he did not get the promotion. While he will never know for sure, it is pretty likely that his bosses and his team did not feel that he truly valued his job anymore. As an outsider, it appears that his devotion to his family, right now, is so excessive that it is hurting his ability to provide for them in the long run.

IMHO, it is a balancing act. You need to be a good provider as well as a good father. Is there a way to make your current position more "family friendly"? Can you Skype with your wife and child every night from your hotel room? Can you negotiate more vacation time with your boss? Can your wife and child occasionally travel with you and you can spend the evenings and weekend exploring other cities? Are there ways to make it easier on your wife (who has the full brunt of household responsibilities and caregiving)?

Good luck to you.
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Old 05-16-2018, 07:50 AM
 
3,056 posts, read 2,620,947 times
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I felt that way daily by putting my babies in daycare when I had the first two. Fortunately, we were able to move and my husband got a better job. I got to stay home to spend more time with them.

I'd look around for a way to relieve your burden. Is there a promotion or job change where you could stay in the office more? Or is there a possibility of switching to another company? Could your wife and child travel with you once in a while so you could see them more? Sometimes we just have to push through do what is best for the family. It's not always an easy thing to do. I hope this is a temporary situation for you and you find some sort of compromise that works.
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Old 05-16-2018, 09:09 AM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,243 posts, read 4,671,527 times
Reputation: 2708
Is it something you can change?
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Old 05-16-2018, 09:15 AM
Status: "The list doesn’t destroy culture; it creates it" (set 5 days ago)
 
Location: Denver CO
16,978 posts, read 8,839,271 times
Reputation: 24512
between this and your other thread Vent - company just won't promote me and now hiring another it sounds like it's time to look for something that is more family friendly and with a title and salary that more accurately reflect your contributions
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Old 05-16-2018, 09:30 AM
 
1,584 posts, read 1,933,944 times
Reputation: 2295
Quote:
Originally Posted by unknown00 View Post
New parent here, this is more of a vent post

I've never been one to struggle with the feeling of guilt before. Sure I have a lot of regrets in life, but nothing that keeps me up so much and burns me inside everyday.
Out of an avg month of 30 days, I travel for work approx 20/30 days. I am away from my child and I miss him so much. I feel guilt for 1. Not being there with him, taking care of him, being there first thing and last thing and 2. Guilt for not helping my wife. She is so strong to be able to take care of our son solo and tolerate him. I know I can't do it myself.

Again, just a vent post. As a new parent, this is a feeling I have never experienced before and it just hurts
What sort of job has you doing all of this travelling? Four months ago, you were a hospital nurse. Five months ago, you were a director seeking a promotion and three months ago you were again a director, newly hired and upset that people were treating you like, in your words, a "dumbass."
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Old 05-16-2018, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Canada
4,750 posts, read 3,331,629 times
Reputation: 12383
OP, look at it this way: you'd probably feel guiltier if you couldn't get a job and support the family that you love.

You are doing what you have to do because you love your family.

You care. That's the IMPORTANT part and spending quality time with them whenever you can.
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