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Old 03-27-2008, 07:07 PM
 
947 posts, read 3,132,970 times
Reputation: 736

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerzstyle00 View Post
Ok my son is 1 year and 4 months,I think children in that age group are capable of understanding things.You make it sound like im really hurting my son which aint true at all im just trying to disipline the kid to where he knows what he does is wrong.For example before he used to always bang his head until i took him out of the crib but now if i make believe im going to pinch him he would stop.I believe my son is at a age where control plays a role.Im trying to teach him he can't get or do anything he wants because in the future it will be harder to discipline him because he already will be in a habit of it.Some might argue it is too early for discilpline and some may not.
But i just don't want my to go up to being one of those brats that when i say no he starts to cry and create a big fuss at a toys r us or something.
You need to relax. Your son may need some extra love. Not every child needs to "cry it out". Maybe that method is not meant for your child.

Everyone - I mean everyone told me to let my daughter cry it out - problem - she would cry until eternity. I thought it was ridiculous.

I decided to follow my own instincts and no one agreed with it. I continued to rock her to sleep until she was 22 months old. Everyone - from the pediatrician to my family said she would never become independent or learn to sleep on her own.

They couldn't have been more wrong - when she was 22 months old we moved her to a toddler bed. We took the crib and rocking chair out of her room and explained it was time to sleep like a big girl. I read books to her, kissed her goodnight and she of course looked at me like I had lost my mind. She cried for 15 minutes the first night, 10 minutes the second and that was that.

She is now 2 1/2 and sleeps on her own and through the night just fine. She stays in her room for an hour whether she naps or not and she doesn't complain about it she just plays with her toys or sings by herself.

It takes time to find out what a childs personality will be like you spanking him isn't positive - it's negative. Try holding him a little longer. All children will get to where they need to be it will just not always be on our terms.

I guess the moral of this story is Just because you child may need you longer doesn't mean he's going to grow up to be a brat.

Toddlers are hard - the best thing is patience.
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Old 03-27-2008, 07:08 PM
b75
 
950 posts, read 3,458,415 times
Reputation: 338
Honestly? Please try reading some of the books the previous poster suggested. It may help you to understand a bit more about the normal development of a child. He is a baby who is just expressing a biological need to be close to his mother. This is not a 12 year old banging his head against the wall to get a dirt bike (although if he were he should be in a mental health professional's office ASAP). Please, I implore you to read a little further into this topic from a developmental standpoint. This child is doing anything he can to be near you - that is all. Remember you can't spoil a child with love.



Quote:
Originally Posted by jerzstyle00 View Post
Ok my son is 1 year and 4 months,I think children in that age group are capable of understanding things.You make it sound like im really hurting my son which aint true at all im just trying to disipline the kid to where he knows what he does is wrong.For example before he used to always bang his head until i took him out of the crib but now if i make believe im going to pinch him he would stop.I believe my son is at a age where control plays a role.Im trying to teach him he can't get or do anything he wants because in the future it will be harder to discipline him because he already will be in a habit of it.Some might argue it is too early for discilpline and some may not.
But i just don't want my to go up to being one of those brats that when i say no he starts to cry and create a big fuss at a toys r us or something.
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Old 03-27-2008, 07:13 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 17,348,040 times
Reputation: 8075
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerzstyle00 View Post
Ok my son is 1 year and 4 months,I think children in that age group are capable of understanding things.You make it sound like im really hurting my son which aint true at all im just trying to disipline the kid to where he knows what he does is wrong.For example before he used to always bang his head until i took him out of the crib but now if i make believe im going to pinch him he would stop.I believe my son is at a age where control plays a role.Im trying to teach him he can't get or do anything he wants because in the future it will be harder to discipline him because he already will be in a habit of it.Some might argue it is too early for discilpline and some may not.
But i just don't want my to go up to being one of those brats that when i say no he starts to cry and create a big fuss at a toys r us or something.
I think you have a very strange idea of disciplining 1 year old. There are some things that children feel at that age: whether or not they feel good, whether or not they feel loved. They are following their instincts at this point. They are not capable of reasoning. Your job as a parent: a)show love, b)meet his basic needs c)keep him safe. That's the most important thing that you can do for your child. When a child feels loved and secure, it's the tool that you can use disciplining him later in life. By withholding attention for some strange ferber method, you are doing nothing but giving him mixed messages. Also - what do you mean you "pretend" like you are going to pinch him. Way to instill fear and confusion from such early age.
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Old 03-27-2008, 07:31 PM
b75
 
950 posts, read 3,458,415 times
Reputation: 338
Sadly I think this method is even beyond the Ferber methodology Sounds more like a Pearl or Ezzo mindset...

Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
I think you have a very strange idea of disciplining 1 year old. There are some things that children feel at that age: whether or not they feel good, whether or not they feel loved. They are following their instincts at this point. They are not capable of reasoning. Your job as a parent: a)show love, b)meet his basic needs c)keep him safe. That's the most important thing that you can do for your child. When a child feels loved and secure, it's the tool that you can use disciplining him later in life. By withholding attention for some strange ferber method, you are doing nothing but giving him mixed messages. Also - what do you mean you "pretend" like you are going to pinch him. Way to instill fear and confusion from such early age.
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Old 03-27-2008, 08:02 PM
 
13,783 posts, read 26,209,082 times
Reputation: 7445
She asked for advice not criticism. If she does not know better she will not do better and she asked for help here. I think that is a step in the right direction.

Please talk to your pediatrician and see if there is a good parenting class in your area. Your pediatrician needs to know about the head banging and about your frustration. Do you have anyone that is able to help you at home?

Take some deep breaths and if you feel angry, put him in his crib, shut the door and call someone that can help you. Hang in there.
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Old 03-27-2008, 08:21 PM
 
Location: Austin 'burbs
3,225 posts, read 14,035,323 times
Reputation: 783
Please, please read the parenting books mentioned here. PLEASE.
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Old 03-27-2008, 09:37 PM
 
1,623 posts, read 6,511,627 times
Reputation: 457
Unfortunately I think it all begins with the parents neglecting the kid in the first place. Then when the kid develops behavioral problems, they turn to corporal punishment to try to get them to stop doing what the parents caused them to do in the first place instead of showing the kid additional attention and establishing that bond that may not be there.

Only put the kid in the crib for naps. Let him play on the floor on a mat. Cover the crib rails in styrofoam pipe insulation if you are sure he can't won't bite it.

And spend more time playing with or holding him.

And stop hitting or pinching him - he's not even close enough to an age to get the connection. All he gets is "if Mommy threatens to pinch me, I'd better freeze, then she won't" which is just plain sad if you ask me - parents are supposed to provide security to infants, not instill fear.
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Old 03-27-2008, 10:03 PM
 
251 posts, read 1,528,615 times
Reputation: 144
Ok people i get the point geez gimme a break.I come here to ask for advice and i get ripped instead(by most).For those who replied with advice I appreciate it.And of by the way,for those who didn't know,Im the FATHER not the mother.Me and my wife are dealing with the same issue though so i guess it doesn't matter.I will take the advice of members who asked me to read more and only put the kid in crib when sleep time comes.And if there's any social workers reading along..DON'T WORRY IT'S NOT BAD AS IT SOUNDS I LOVE MY KID!!
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Old 03-27-2008, 10:26 PM
 
3,414 posts, read 7,128,562 times
Reputation: 1467
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerzstyle00 View Post
Ok people i get the point geez gimme a break.I come here to ask for advice and i get ripped instead(by most).For those who replied with advice I appreciate it.And of by the way,for those who didn't know,Im the FATHER not the mother.Me and my wife are dealing with the same issue though so i guess it doesn't matter.I will take the advice of members who asked me to read more and only put the kid in crib when sleep time comes.And if there's any social workers reading along..DON'T WORRY IT'S NOT BAD AS IT SOUNDS I LOVE MY KID!!
Good for you for taking the advice so well and in the right spirit.
I think many of us were just worried for your baby but your willingness
to reach out for help and accept it in the spirit in which it is given
is very reassuring. Keep him with you and near you and I think you'll
see that head-banging stuff go away.
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Old 03-27-2008, 11:37 PM
b75
 
950 posts, read 3,458,415 times
Reputation: 338
Well I'm sure you love your baby or you wouldn't be asking for advice . I really hope you take it & read some of those books. It will also allow you to enjoy your baby more too. They are only little once you know - just remember you can't spoil them by showing them affection. Good Luck

Quote:
Originally Posted by jerzstyle00 View Post
Ok people i get the point geez gimme a break.I come here to ask for advice and i get ripped instead(by most).For those who replied with advice I appreciate it.And of by the way,for those who didn't know,Im the FATHER not the mother.Me and my wife are dealing with the same issue though so i guess it doesn't matter.I will take the advice of members who asked me to read more and only put the kid in crib when sleep time comes.And if there's any social workers reading along..DON'T WORRY IT'S NOT BAD AS IT SOUNDS I LOVE MY KID!!
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