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Please read the above-mentioned books. They are excellent and can help you to understand what your baby is thinking and the reasons behind the behaviors you describe. Once you really understand, you will be better equipped to deal with the behaviors.
For now, please vow not to hit/pinch/spank your little one. This will not accomplish what you are trying to achieve and can cause some serious trust issues with your baby.
I wish you lots of luck. Please get informed so you can be a better parent!
First of all let me say, I do believe in spanking. Only in extreme circumstances though. I have a 6 yr old boy and 12 yr old daughter, both very loving children. my son did the "head banging thing" from about 1 yr to about 2 yrs. It was a soothing mechanism but I just let him do it. He sometimes ended with small bruising but never anything horrible. I talked to the pediatrician about it several times and she kept telling me not to worry about it (although she did tell me to watch closely for other signs of autism).
My son got plenty of love and attention during the day and I am a firm believer "when it is time for bed, it is time for bed". thats it. end of story. I would go in there once or twice to reassure him, but not pick him up. I also put some toys in the crib. once he understood mommy and daddy are not going to get me, he would play for a bit and then fall asleep. 1 yr olds know a lot more than some people give them credit for.
My first question is how old are you? Young moms have little patience these days. I was one of those. Now being a Grandma of a toddler and pretty much raising her, I see things I did wrong with my children. Even pretending to pinch is setting up a trusting issue. If you can, (i.e) time permitting, take him out of the crib, get his favorite blanket or stuffed animal and rock him untill he is sleepy. He wants your attention because you are his mommy. I would then say if the banging continues, get him to a doctor soon. Good luck and Believe in yourself.
Please don't punish him for banging his head. I know you're doing your best, but try another route. It can be very frustrating I know, but please don't be angry with him. Okay, so he's only one- and you are right.. he is smarter than you think- However, I don't think he's manipulating you. He's no dummy, so TALK to him. Tell him no, in a quiet gentle way. Explain to him "no, boo boo (or whatever term you use), stroke his head where he bangs it and gently and say "nice baby, no boo boo" give him a few minutes and see if he continues with you there.. if he does, just repeat it- "no owie, nice baby, be nice".. and be calm and gentle..Take his own hand and guide him to stroke his own head nicely. Keep repeating this a few times, then lay him down again. It may take some time for this to sink in, but keep trying. My daughter did this around the same age, maybe a little older but she banged her head on the carpet. I don't think any of us are judging you for trying your best to teach your child. Resorting to spanking or "pinching" (yikes) is a little harsh at this young age. He could be picking up on your anger, therefore he thinks that is the appropriate way to act. STAY calm, gentle and teach him that how he needs to be also. Keep the rails padded in the meantime--
Ok people i get the point geez gimme a break.I come here to ask for advice and i get ripped instead(by most).For those who replied with advice I appreciate it.And of by the way,for those who didn't know,Im the FATHER not the mother.Me and my wife are dealing with the same issue though so i guess it doesn't matter.I will take the advice of members who asked me to read more and only put the kid in crib when sleep time comes.And if there's any social workers reading along..DON'T WORRY IT'S NOT BAD AS IT SOUNDS I LOVE MY KID!!
You sound frustrated and I'm sorry you feel that way. But you came looking for advice from a anonoymous public forum. Where you will get some of the most honest opinions.
Whether you are the father or the mother -you have been treated pretty kindly considering the scenario you gave us.
I wish you peace and patience in your household - because as they grow the situations don't get easier, they just get different and you have to be educate yourself, be open minded and patient.
Why don't you just take him out of the crib? I never used a crib... Spend time with him..hold him..play with him..let him crawl around (keeping him safe).
My middle son was a head banger and it was extremely frustrating. If he didn't get his way, he would have a temper tantrum and bang his head on the floor, wall whatever he could find. My doctor told me it was for attention. He said it was rare that a child would seriously harm themselves(knock themselves out). His advice was to ignore it, to not give in to whatever it was the child wanted. He said it was a phase and eventually it would stop. In my case the doc was right. After about 3 months of cringing (by me) he quit. Talk to your doc. Hang in there it will get better.
If you are really worried buy him a helmet to protect his head. (LOL JOKE)
Please read all the advice you've been given here, because it's good. Your son isn't being a smart ass. You and his mom are the center of his universe and he wants to be with you. There will be lots of time in the future to teach him that he can't have everything he wants. But right now he needs your love and attention, and lots of it, in order to develop into a healthy human being.
One thing you said stands out--that from now on you will only put him in the crib at sleep time. That makes me wonder how much time he's in there now and what you're using the crib for. When he's awake he should be where you are, with you playing with him or keeping an eye on him while he's exploring. If you need to corral him while you cook or do something like that, you can put him in a playpen in the same room as you, but even then, not for too long. He's learning from every thing he does right now and he needs to be doing that.
And please--no more pinching or spanking. If believe in spanking as discipline, that's your business, but he's too young and more importantly, he's not misbehaving. He's just trying to communicate with you.
Ok people i get the point geez gimme a break.I come here to ask for advice and i get ripped instead(by most).For those who replied with advice I appreciate it.And of by the way,for those who didn't know,Im the FATHER not the mother.Me and my wife are dealing with the same issue though so i guess it doesn't matter.I will take the advice of members who asked me to read more and only put the kid in crib when sleep time comes.And if there's any social workers reading along..DON'T WORRY IT'S NOT BAD AS IT SOUNDS I LOVE MY KID!!
Hi,
Actually the fact that you are a father, not a mother, made me sigh with relief.
I think that you guys have just gotten a lot of conflicting advice and you are having a hard time dealing with it.
Please talk to your wife about all the advice you got here, I think much of it is very good.
One of the reasons that I haven't said: talk to your pediatrician is because majority of them are clueless on how to deal with behaviour issues. They will tell you to ignore your child when he does and to me this advice gets "thumbs down".
Have you considered the idea that he associates the crib with bad things happening to him -- like being pinched or spanked while there -- and that the head-banging is a stress induced result?
Talk to your pediatrician, stop pinching and spanking your baby, and put some nice cushy bumpers in the crib. It's going to take time for him to reassociate the crib with comfort rather than fear and pain, so you'll have to be patient and help him get past that by developing a set routine every time you put him to bed. Rock him or cuddle him or whatever, calm him down and get him sleepy before putting him in the bed, and then don't punish him once he's in there.
Eventually he'll get the message and the routine will soothe him.
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