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Old 06-05-2018, 05:47 AM
 
1 posts, read 1,815 times
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My natural reaction was to get furious about my brother-in-law‘s way of disciplining my nine-year-old son. But he stands by his decision saying he would’ve done the same thing to one of his children. He has three daughters ages three and four. My nine-year-old son was pulling one of the three-year-old twins on a boogie board and jerked it out from under her making her fall. I guess he has done this a couple times while my brother-in-law and sister-in-law were babysitting him he was asked to stop but did it for a third of fourth time. So to teach him a lesson my brother-in-law had my son stand on the boogie board and yanked it out from underneath him. Although I know that my brother-in-law‘s intentions were not to hurt my child he did get hurt. I feel that this situation could’ve been handled so differently, for example if my son had done this a few times why was he still being allowed to pull his little cousin on a boogie board? I’m not sure how to handle this. My husband is furious and will definitely talk to his brother but wants to punch him naturally. My mother in law is dramatic and feels this is going to ruin her relationship as well as her sons friendship. I want to be the rational one here. My in laws love our kids and watch them out of pure kindness. But he feels that his decision to do this to my child was ok and will not apologize. I feel that he has no business watching my kids anymore if he thinks this is ok and doesn’t respect that me and my husband don’t punish our kids like that. My son hurt his arm and his neck and both my kids are so upset at their uncle. My son feels bad and understands that he hurt his cousin. He said she didn’t get hurt the first couple times and they thought it was funny. He saw when she got hurt it wasn’t funny anymore. But his uncle still hurt him. How would any of you handle this?
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Old 06-05-2018, 06:22 AM
 
5,841 posts, read 3,309,517 times
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A 9 yo boy should know better than to play that rough with a 3yo. From my experience, boys his age who enjoy that kind of "play" with younger children are actually just enjoying being mean. It isn't actually "play" if only the stronger smarter one is having fun playing tricks on the younger one.

Your son was told to stop it 2 times and he kept at it. So he was not only being mean, he disobeyed when told to stop. I think your BIL was correct, and I doubt that your son was hurt very badly.

Perhaps your son is spending too much time with the younger cousins and not enough time with boys his own age. I raised 4 boys, and I know they need to have appropriate opportunities for rougher, physically challenging, active play. None of mine would have been happy spending much time with 3-4 yo girls at that age.
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Old 06-05-2018, 06:50 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,491 posts, read 15,940,606 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
A 9 yo boy should know better than to play that rough with a 3yo.
From my experience, boys his age who enjoy that kind of "play" with younger children are actually just enjoying being mean. It isn't actually "play" if only the stronger smarter one is having fun playing tricks on the younger one.

Your son was told to stop it 2 times and he kept at it.
So he was not only being mean, he disobeyed when told to stop. I think your BIL was correct, and I doubt that your son was hurt very badly.

Perhaps your son is spending too much time with the younger cousins and not enough time with boys his own age. I raised 4 boys, and I know they need to have appropriate opportunities for rougher, physically challenging, active play. None of mine would have been happy spending much time with 3-4 yo girls at that age.
I agree.

While our children spent time with their cousins (of different ages) it was only under our supervision. We did not force babysitting on other parents who already had their hands full with two other children.

While I do not agree with what your BIL did, I think that you need to look in the mirror before you cast blame on other people.
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Old 06-05-2018, 07:08 AM
 
2,451 posts, read 1,055,991 times
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I’m conflicted about how your bil handled it BUT you could use this as a life lesson for your son that how he misbehaves out in the world will have different consequences and not under the softer more known or comfortable consequences from mummy and daddy. ThAt when your son misbehaves and is asked to stop by an adult , be it family or a teacher, that he should listen.

Having said that how would you have handled it?
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Old 06-05-2018, 07:10 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,491 posts, read 15,940,606 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
I’m conflicted about how your bil handled it BUT you could use this as a life lesson for your son that how he misbehaves out in the world will have different consequences and not under the softer more known or comfortable consequences from mummy and daddy. ThAt when your son misbehaves and is asked to stop by an adult , be it family or a teacher, that he should listen.

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Old 06-05-2018, 07:18 AM
 
6,774 posts, read 2,629,921 times
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No one pulls anyone on a boogie board. You ride a wave to the shore on them.

If you pulled a boogie board out from under someone, they would get a mouthful of beach water and sand.

First post, and all.
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Old 06-05-2018, 07:26 AM
 
4,112 posts, read 1,722,987 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
No one pulls anyone on a boogie board. You ride a wave to the shore on them.

If you pulled a boogie board out from under someone, they would get a mouthful of beach water and sand.

First post, and all.
Huh? The styrofoam kids ones have a rope attached.

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Old 06-05-2018, 08:09 AM
 
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,488 posts, read 1,795,030 times
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Put the shoe on the other foot. If someone was yanking something out from under your son and you had asked them to stop, what would you do when they didn't and your child got hurt?

Oh! Yeah! Someone did and your husband wants to punch them.

Can you even get how your BIL felt when he saw your son hurting his 3(!) year old child. Especially after he was told NOT to do that anymore? I think you do know since you're experiencing it over your own child.

It's all fun and games till someone gets hurt.

The appropriate thing that should have been done is the board should have been removed after the first incident.

Did the BIL go about this in a manner that could have been different, yeah. His emotions were high and his baby got hurt. He got frustrated since he had told your son (9 is really old enough to get it but he did it again anyway) so I can see your BIL showing that it does indeed hurt.

I really hope you didn't coddle your child after. He learned a lesson. I hope.
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Old 06-05-2018, 08:13 AM
 
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,488 posts, read 1,795,030 times
Reputation: 9683
From your first post you state: my first reaction was to be furious.

That was your BIL first reaction to what your son did.
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Old 06-05-2018, 08:20 AM
 
787 posts, read 573,748 times
Reputation: 2897
"Discipline" should not involve injury.

Make your BIL pay the medical bills, since he's clearly responsible for the injury.

If it's just an ouchie, then yall need to chill TF out. Don't make your BIL watch your kid if you don't agree with his parenting style.
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