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Somebody help me out with the need to wear a bra here, please. At 12, breasts are shaped like ice cream cones with no nipple to speak of. I don't remember going through this with my daughter and grant that it may be that my nipples are the shape and size of fire hose nipples... so ... what is the downside to not wearing a bra? Do they get teased in school?
Every girls body is different. Back when I was 12 I noticed some classmates, during showers after gym class, clearly had B or C cups while others were fairly flat-chested. Not every 12 year old has A or AA cups with flat nipples (I know that I certainly didn't). Many girls do need bras to either support their breasts and/or to cover their nipples to keep them from showing through their clothes. Teasing in middle school can be brutal.
OTOH, if you are flat chested and your nipples do not show through your clothes (even in an airconditioned room), IMHO, a bra is not needed whether you are 12 or 22 or 32 or whatever age, but there are few women, above puberty, that are that flat chested..
Every girls body is different. Back when I was 12 I noticed some classmates, during showers after gym class, clearly had B or C cups while others were fairly flat-chested. Not every 12 year old has A or AA cups with flat nipples (I know that I certainly didn't). Many girls do need bras to either support their breasts and/or to cover their nipples to keep them from showing through their clothes. Teasing in middle school can be brutal.
OTOH, if you are flat chested and your nipples do not show through your clothes (even in an airconditioned room), IMHO, a bra is not needed whether you are 12 or 22 or 32 or whatever age, but there are few women, above puberty, that are that flat chested..
I was probably a C cup by 12 and definitely needed a bra. Not all girls are willing to wear one even if they really do need it. I know a girl in 7th grade whose parents were called into school because she would wear bulky sweatshirts to avoid wearing a bra, even in 90 degree heat. The school was worried about her fainting.
I was the same way as a kid. Best approach, IMO, is to casually leave a few topical books on her nightstand, with the assurance that she is free to ask any questions if/when she wants to.
The Care and Keeping of You (volumes 1 and 2)
Reaching For the Moon
I agree with this advice. My daughter was very forthcoming about body changes for a while, but when she hit around 11, she became much quieter and kept more to herself. She had the Care and Keeping of You books and really liked them. She gradually began to open up more about questions and concerns and now, at almost 15, is pretty open about that stuff. I've been talking about sex and puberty with all three of my kids from a young age because I wanted to keep open communication. My younger two are open about this stuff, my oldest (boy) is very, very private now.
My own mother never talked to us about sex, but left books out on the hallway book shelf. I learned a whole lot from those books!
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Originally Posted by Stagemomma
OP, how about sports bras? My youngest is 17 and still wears nothing but sports bras...fun colors and patterns, no hooks. Layering them with tanks or camis is fun also.
It will only take one jerk teasing her about her nipples for her to come around on the idea of bras really fast. You could warn her about that.
IMHO don't make it seem like a heavy thing you need to discuss, but something normal that can drop in and out of daily conversation. I've told the girls my embarrassing stories, they've told me theirs.
I agree with it being a normal topic that pops up when appropriate. There is nothing to be ashamed of in puberty, and having "the talk" puts more emphasis on it than there needs to be, imo. my daughter also loves sports bras and layering with camis/tanks. She refused to wear anything bra-like, even when I encouraged it and bought comfortable items for her, until the boys at school started taking notice of her very large chest.
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Originally Posted by izzy2017
I was probably a C cup by 12 and definitely needed a bra. Not all girls are willing to wear one even if they really do need it.
My daughter does not take after me- she's been a D cup since around age 12 and some measurement sites indicate she's much larger than that. She wears sports bras almost exclusively, so I'm not actually sure what size she is. I'm sad that my daughter wishes so fervently to have a flat chest. She is really self-conscious about her shape. I know many of us were insecure about our bodies at that age (and maybe many of us still are), but I hate to see such a beautiful young lady so unhappy with her body.
Somebody help me out with the need to wear a bra here, please. At 12, breasts are shaped like ice cream cones with no nipple to speak of. I don't remember going through this with my daughter and grant that it may be that my nipples are the shape and size of fire hose nipples... so ... what is the downside to not wearing a bra? Do they get teased in school?
When I was in middle school, it was mostly the girls who would tease you for not wearing a bra, because everyone had to change for PE in the same room. My mom wouldn't buy me a bra, so I wore a leotard under my uniform every day. My first bra that fit was a 36D, so I'd say I should have had a bra a lot sooner.
When I was in middle school, it was mostly the girls who would tease you for not wearing a bra, because everyone had to change for PE in the same room. My mom wouldn't buy me a bra, so I wore a leotard under my uniform every day. My first bra that fit was a 36D, so I'd say I should have had a bra a lot sooner.
Well when you're in 5th/6th grade and the first or second girl in class to get one, EVERYBODY teases you. The boys because they're immature, the girls because they're jealous. I lived in horror of having my bra strap snapped by the boys. I was grateful to be the second girl rather than the first.
Also, we've gone bra shopping with her and she's chosen the sports bras at Justice. She just feels weirded out having to wear one. I think she's a bit afraid of what's happening...on the one hand she's still a child, but on the other hand her body is changing, her personality is changing...and she just likes the way things were before. I know, that's not how life works, but I can see things from her point of view. we are young but for so long, really. she innately doesn't take change readily, so there's that too...
I think I would just approach it exactly as you are saying it and let her know that you understand what an awkward feeling it is to experience the changes that are happening but that it’s totally normal and something that happens to everyone. Since she’s feeling uncomfortable talking to you about it, I would get her some books and let her read through them on her own. I would buy them vs borrow them form a library so she can have them as long as she wants and look through them at her leisure. Your’e going to have to be the dorky annoying mom and go for it in terms of bringing it up, but also walk that fine line of expressing your support, providing access to educational material yet not going too far as to make her too uncomfortable.
I assume that you parents who are talking about puberty with their 10 and 11 year olds covered the sex and intimate relationships topic at least 2 years ago?
That seems like much more important info that you can't afford to be embarrassed about!
In all honesty, I think it’s best for it to be an ongoing conversation starting way younger then pre puberty. My kids knew about periods and the like from a very early age. It is helpful to make it a normal topic of conversation so that it doesn’t seem so weird and scary later on.
That does not seem to be what folks are talking about. The 12 year old, herself, does not see the need. So it does not sound like it is about support. I mean, if you need support, you won't have someone having to tell you you need it. It is more or less about comfort.
Yeah, I agree, it should be up to the child as to when she’s ready. If she deosn’t feel the need to wear one yet, it should be her decision.
As mentioned leave a book in her room and let her come to you if she has questions. As for bras, just buy sports bras and non underwire styles in fun colors and patterns you think she will like and put them in her drawer.
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