Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My daughter knows what it's all about. She's heard about it enough. She sees the changes with her body. but she is very embarrassed/reluctant to talk about it. With anyone. She watched a video at her school and it made her very uncomfortable.
How can I handle this subject given her personality?
My mom was very direct, plus I looked at puberty as a good thing. That meant that I was growing up and becoming a "big girl".
My daughter is more reserved about it and nervous.
The extends into her wearing a bra. She doesn't wear it on a consistent basis and now she's developed enough where she should. Again, how to handle this delicate subject.
I was the same way as a kid. Best approach, IMO, is to casually leave a few topical books on her nightstand, with the assurance that she is free to ask any questions if/when she wants to. My daughter is the opposite, but I gave her a few books too, just in case she ever does get embarrassed, or simply doesn't know what her questions are yet. I gave her:
The Care and Keeping of You (volumes 1 and 2)
Reaching For the Moon
I'm facing similar with my 10.5 yo. She started developing 2 years ago, and given that timing, it's very likely she will start her period within the next few months at some point during this school year. While she is good about wearing her bra, that's where it seems to end. She really needs to wear deodorant daily, but often forgets. TBH, she doesn't have the greatest hygiene and grooming habits (yet). Her 7 yo sister is much more fastidious about those things.
While she knows about about the biology and anatomy, I am concerned about the logistics of managing things, so I just look for teachable moments using myself as an example. Her reaction varies from mortified, complete with eyerolls, to occasionally seeming willing to listen to me. Just depends on her mood. There's a learning curve for me as well, because she began developing at a much younger age than I did.
Good luck.
Last edited by Texas Ag 93; 07-30-2018 at 03:56 PM..
My daughter knows what it's all about. She's heard about it enough. She sees the changes with her body. but she is very embarrassed/reluctant to talk about it. With anyone. She watched a video at her school and it made her very uncomfortable.
How can I handle this subject given her personality?
My mom was very direct, plus I looked at puberty as a good thing. That meant that I was growing up and becoming a "big girl".
My daughter is more reserved about it and nervous.
The extends into her wearing a bra. She doesn't wear it on a consistent basis and now she's developed enough where she should. Again, how to handle this delicate subject.
Since she's watched "a video" and she knows what it's all about, what more is there to talk about since she is really uncomfortable talking about it?
I think you need to buy her teen tampons for when she starts her period, and pads, and tell her where they are for when she starts to need them, and offer your help.
And when she gets dressed without a bra, tell her honey you need to put on a bra.
I don't know that there is any need for further uncomfortable discussions.
I'm facing similar with my 10.5 yo. She started developing 2 years ago, and given that timing, it's very likely she will start her period within the next few months at some point during this school year. While she is good about wearing her bra, that's where it seems to end. She really needs to wear deodorant daily, but often forgets. TBH, she doesn't have the greatest hygiene and grooming habits (yet). Her 7 yo sister is much more fastidious about those things.
While she knows about about the biology and anatomy, I am concerned about the logistics of managing things, so I just look for teachable moments using myself as an example. Her reaction varies from mortified, complete with eyerolls, to occasionally seeming willing to listen to me. Just depends on her mood. There's a learning curve for me as well, because she began developing at a much younger age than I did.
Good luck.
At only 10? That must be really rough for her! Patience.
At only 10? That must be really rough for her! Patience.
She'll be 11 in just a couple of months, but yes, she started developing at 8.5 and I was concerned enough about it to take her to a pediatric endocrinologist because her experience had been so vastly different from mine. She had some testing done and everything was normal, but even before the testing, the endocrinologist and her general pediatrician were unconcerned and told me they see it all the time. The onset of puberty, particularly in girls, seems to be happening earlier now. Hormones in food, outgassing from plastics? Who knows, but I feel there likely is some environmental connection.
I was the same way as a kid. Best approach, IMO, is to casually leave a few topical books on her nightstand, with the assurance that she is free to ask any questions if/when she wants to.
Could always include a block of post-it notes and invite her to mark anything she has questions about or wants further information on.
My daughter got her period at 10, but she was totally fine with it. She knew what to expect, and I was very intentional with giving her a positive message about it, rather than it being something she has to “deal with”. I started young too, but was completely traumatized and in denial; I wanted better for her.
OP, how about sports bras? My youngest is 17 and still wears nothing but sports bras...fun colors and patterns, no hooks. Layering them with tanks or camis is fun also.
It will only take one jerk teasing her about her nipples for her to come around on the idea of bras really fast. You could warn her about that.
I have 2 daughters and we've always been very open about such things and now can joke around and/ or talk frankly. My youngest has phases where she refuses to participate and others where she okay with it.
IMHO don't make it seem like a heavy thing you need to discuss, but something normal that can drop in and out of daily conversation. I've told the girls my embarrassing stories, they've told me theirs.
I was the same way as a kid. Best approach, IMO, is to casually leave a few topical books on her nightstand, with the assurance that she is free to ask any questions if/when she wants to. My daughter is the opposite, but I gave her a few books too, just in case she ever does get embarrassed, or simply doesn't know what her questions are yet. I gave her:
The Care and Keeping of You (volumes 1 and 2)
Reaching For the Moon
You beat me to it!
The above books are FANTASTIC!!! I bought them for my two girls! that "The Care and Keeping of You" is a book by American Girl Doll and it explains everything at their level. I had my girls read it alone and then we went over it together. In your case maybe leave it open to discussion, but make sure she reads it! You can find it at the AG store (here's the link) or on Ebay for probably cheaper. AG has lots of books designed for the 9-13 age range on many topics and I highly recommend them!!
As far as the bra goes, I also started mine with a sports type training bra. They have a nice selection for their age at Justice (ShopJustice.com) or Kohls (Kohls.com). Insist she wears one! Mine refused as first as well and now I have to bug her to take it off when she sleeps!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.