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Old 08-02-2018, 01:59 PM
 
12,035 posts, read 9,825,071 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ginge McFantaPants View Post
Thank you for posting this part, in particular. I pack my kids lunches, and sometimes wonder if I should expect them to do it themselves. But I didn't have a mother, let alone someone packing lunches for my younger brother and I, so really take great joy in packing little Bento boxes for them (well, until they get too embarrassed to bring a Bento box). I have flashbacks of the random **** I scrounged together to make "lunch" when I was a kid, and I just want to stuff my kids with heart-shaped cheese wedges and sandwiches. They can cook basic things and assemble their own lunches if they need to, but I like putting together their lunches. I pack them for myself and my husband, so why not the kids?
Yeah, we need to remember that all of this stuff is considered ON BALANCE. No one needs to die on the sword of lunches. I made my kids lunches a lot. Most often, they did not because they were busy taking care of other chores.
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Old 08-02-2018, 02:47 PM
 
3,411 posts, read 3,202,799 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ginge McFantaPants View Post
Thank you for posting this part, in particular. I pack my kids lunches, and sometimes wonder if I should expect them to do it themselves. But I didn't have a mother, let alone someone packing lunches for my younger brother and I, so really take great joy in packing little Bento boxes for them (well, until they get too embarrassed to bring a Bento box). I have flashbacks of the random **** I scrounged together to make "lunch" when I was a kid, and I just want to stuff my kids with heart-shaped cheese wedges and sandwiches. They can cook basic things and assemble their own lunches if they need to, but I like putting together their lunches. I pack them for myself and my husband, so why not the kids?
I made it a point for my kids to pack their own lunches now that they do so willingly; I have no problem doing it together. This was a major point of contention between my son and I. He's now 10 but when he was 8/9 he refused to pack his lunch. He wanted to be able to eat his breakfast and watch a show before school and didn't want to "waste his time" packing his lunch. I suggested he do it at night before bed but he didn't want to do that either.
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Old 08-02-2018, 03:02 PM
 
5,321 posts, read 5,273,871 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zengha View Post
How to Parent like the Japanese Do | Time

Saw this and found it interesting, but from what I have seen is totally way better than American parenting. In Japan kids are expected to be self-sufficient and capable of taking care of themselves, making them much more mature when they grow up. Unlike Americans where they are constantly babied, have mothers drive them everywhere, kept very close tabs etc.

Before you reply I highly recommend at least reading it, it is very interesting!
First our cars sucked, now it's our parenting.
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Old 08-02-2018, 03:21 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
86,897 posts, read 102,352,012 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Riley09swb View Post
I made it a point for my kids to pack their own lunches now that they do so willingly; I have no problem doing it together. This was a major point of contention between my son and I. He's now 10 but when he was 8/9 he refused to pack his lunch. He wanted to be able to eat his breakfast and watch a show before school and didn't want to "waste his time" packing his lunch. I suggested he do it at night before bed but he didn't want to do that either.
We did have a rule about no TV until everyone was ready in elementary school. If one was sick, and it didn't matter which one, the other could get ready much faster.
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Old 08-02-2018, 04:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katarina Witt View Post
We did have a rule about no TV until everyone was ready in elementary school. If one was sick, and it didn't matter which one, the other could get ready much faster.

We had a similar rule. The TV could go on when everyone was ready.


Edited to add-We also restricted driving into Miami when the kids were young and did not permit the kids to drink with their friends at home. We did allow them to have a drink with us but not with other kids.
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Old 08-02-2018, 04:42 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
86,897 posts, read 102,352,012 times
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Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
We had a similar rule. The TV could go on when everyone was ready.


Edited to add-We also restricted driving into Miami when the kids were young and did not permit the kids to drink with their friends at home. We did allow them to have a drink with us but not with other kids.
We had similar rules about drinking! Great minds!
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Old 08-02-2018, 06:19 PM
 
2,947 posts, read 1,532,129 times
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We have a super clean house and it is funny when people come to visit, they think I needed to be rough and tough to get my daughter to clean.

When they want to know the *secret* of how we got our daughter to clean, we have her explain the rule to our guests: If you use a room, leave it cleaner than you found it. Of course, guests are not expected to follow this rule.

Most guests assume we are scrubbing down the entire room. Not really. We just pick one thing, say, the mirror and wipe it down or we can pick up dropped towels. This helps keep nagging to a minimum and if there are any family members who *have* to have a super clean environment, well, here's their chance to make it happen.

Sometimes a room is so clean that nobody can tell that you chose not to make it cleaner a couple of times. LOL. But it does become obvious when family members are becoming sloppy, such as leaving toothpaste in the sink. So then we revisit the rule and nobody gets internet access until I see they are independently following that rule.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Idk about this. After all, in the US we are raising children in the US. The culture here is different from Japan. I don't think that whether a child grows up to be independent and self sufficient depends on whether they were accompanied to school when they were 6, or had an ugly boxed lunch.


Like others on this forum I managed to raise three children to adulthood. My kids are 24, 22, 19. The two oldest are college graduates and living on their own, in different states, without our financial support. The oldest is married. The middle has a nice girlfriend but isn't married. The youngest is still in college so we still support him. We think he his appropriately independent. He is spending the summer between Philadelphia and Washington DC. Although we have helped him pay for housing he has been shopping, cooking, cleaning, figuring out mass transit and living independently.


Edited to add: I made my kids lunch until they graduated from high school. I took a lot of heat on this board for it. Despite the fact that I did that they all know how to cook. Sometimes parents just do stuff for their kids because they love them. It doesn't have to be coddling.



All this despite the fact that I drove them to/from school when they were young. I liked the time we spent in the car after school. They were usually still enthusiastic about whatever happened in school and I found out a lot about their lives in that time after school. They liked being picked up even though many kids at their school walked/rode their bike. Coddling isn't always the motive for everything a parent does. My kids enjoyed Friday afternoon ice cream or coffee with me even when they were in high school and could drive themselves to/from school. It was a habit we continued because we all enjoyed it.



We also did the worst thing possible (according to this particular forum) and we paid for college. We paid for everything. Tuition, room/board, car insurance, health insurance, books, supplies. Everything except their personal spending money. According to some we were coddling them. In our family we were providing the foundation for a successful life.



Despite our terrible terrible parenting we managed to raise independent, happy adult children. How? Discipline and connection. Not hitting. Teaching. We taught our kids how to be competent adults along the way. We connected with them and made sure they each had the love and support they needed to be successful.



Each of them is very different and we parented them differently. My oldest/youngest never needed their homework supervised past middle school. Organization came easily to them. My middle needed help with organization until his sophomore year of high school. So he got what he needed. The other 2 don't get a prize for getting there early. We didn't draw a line in the sand. You can raise kids to be independent but they have to be ready to do it before you remove all the scaffolding. That isn't always coddling and it looks different for different kids.


My middle son was better about choosing appropriate clothing for the time/place than his brothers. He also knows how to fix things better than his brothers. My youngest is a great cook. They were all raised in the same house but they took different things from their upbringing. I am not sure Japan allows that kind of independence. Everyone has to appear the same. Since the culture is different, raising children within that culture will be different.
Your posts on the parenting forum have been inspirational and I truly believe that if I had not come across them on City-data, it would have taken me a lot longer to figure out positive discipline. As a result, my daughter is living a completely different life than mine when I was growing up. She has friends, is doing well in school and loves her family and they love her back. So here is one family that is positively impacted by you.
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Old 08-03-2018, 06:47 AM
 
11,636 posts, read 20,394,104 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elyn02 View Post
Your posts on the parenting forum have been inspirational and I truly believe that if I had not come across them on City-data, it would have taken me a lot longer to figure out positive discipline. As a result, my daughter is living a completely different life than mine when I was growing up. She has friends, is doing well in school and loves her family and they love her back. So here is one family that is positively impacted by you.

Wow. I don't know what to say. I truly do believe in teaching vs punishing and I think it has helped my children grow up to be productive adults who are sure of themselves. I am honored that I have been able to make a positive impact on your family as well. Thank you for your kind words.
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Old 08-03-2018, 07:23 AM
 
12,035 posts, read 9,825,071 times
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Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Wow. I don't know what to say. I truly do believe in teaching vs punishing and I think it has helped my children grow up to be productive adults who are sure of themselves. I am honored that I have been able to make a positive impact on your family as well. Thank you for your kind words.
Ayuh. You do rather rock. Just sayin'.
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Old 08-03-2018, 07:36 AM
 
26,323 posts, read 24,433,196 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Wow. I don't know what to say. I truly do believe in teaching vs punishing and I think it has helped my children grow up to be productive adults who are sure of themselves. I am honored that I have been able to make a positive impact on your family as well. Thank you for your kind words.
Agree, totally love your parenting skills.....and reading you
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