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Old 07-30-2018, 05:54 PM
 
116 posts, read 51,839 times
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How to Parent like the Japanese Do | Time

Saw this and found it interesting, but from what I have seen is totally way better than American parenting. In Japan kids are expected to be self-sufficient and capable of taking care of themselves, making them much more mature when they grow up. Unlike Americans where they are constantly babied, have mothers drive them everywhere, kept very close tabs etc.

Before you reply I highly recommend at least reading it, it is very interesting!
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Old 07-30-2018, 07:11 PM
 
12,914 posts, read 19,792,997 times
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Have you parented? I read the article. I'm not sure how you can compare a childhood in a largely homogeneous country like Japan to the melting pot of America. Nor can you compare the freedoms offered to children in a country with little crime and strict gun control to the precautions many parents here feel are necessary.

But, for the record, I, and many, many other parents I know somehow managed to raise self-sufficient, mature, and successful adults right here in the US. Go figure.
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Old 07-30-2018, 08:36 PM
 
Location: TX
255 posts, read 70,361 times
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Totally different country. For some reason everyone hates on America. And for the record, i know several parents who DO NOT baby their children . they let the kids figure stuff out on their own.
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Old 07-30-2018, 08:48 PM
 
Location: I am right here.
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Suicide rates are pretty high in Japan.

OP, have you raised kids to adulthood?

I've raised 3, and each is now in their 20s. Every single one is self-sufficient, independent, and successful.

I drove them to school, picked them up every day (seeing as how their school was 10 miles away, that would have been a heck of a long walk), knew where they were going, knew who they were going with, insisted they bring their friends home so I could meet them, and <gasp> invited their friends' parents over so I could get to know them too! My kids are amazing young adults who continue to make good choices, show excellent judgment, are kind and compassionate, and are great young people.

I would not change a thing in how I raised them.
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Old 07-30-2018, 10:17 PM
 
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there are facets within every culture that parents can use or admire but trying to apply them all is impossible and unfair comparison. First big difference is the public transport system in japan vs the USA, different crime rates also.
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Old 07-31-2018, 05:55 AM
 
25,455 posts, read 23,279,677 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zengha View Post
How to Parent like the Japanese Do | Time

Saw this and found it interesting, but from what I have seen is totally way better than American parenting. In Japan kids are expected to be self-sufficient and capable of taking care of themselves, making them much more mature when they grow up. Unlike Americans where they are constantly babied, have mothers drive them everywhere, kept very close tabs etc.

Before you reply I highly recommend at least reading it, it is very interesting!
I believe the same way you do, and also with my Asian friends...our society is making our kids way too weak and unable to cope with real life.

Our children need to be taught manners, as well as self discipline, and how to be independent & responsible.

I taught my son, how to clean, shop, do laundry, iron, cook, etc. He also got a job when he was young, and we taught him how to save and manage money, how to live on a budget....and how to be at home alone...how to understand, that their are other rules in different households and while in someone else's home, you must adhere to those rules. How to be responsible enough to recognize, when someone gives you a gift you take the time, yourself to call and thank them, not text them, but call them.

Our society has become one of pampering kids...to the point of when they do get out on their own, they don't know how to deal with life....and life isn't easy...so by never allowing your child to lose, to fail, they won't learn to deal with disappointments, and when they don't get their way, they will act out, dangerously sometimes, as your seeing happen today right before your eyes.

I'm thankful your awareness allows you to view this and want to make a change....Kudos.

I think our society needs to step back and make some necessary changes. Especially those who think and believe a parent has to be hovering over their children 24/7.

I just watched a boy, who actually did the boiling water challenge on TV...he burnt himself horribly, and I just cannot conceive of anyone doing that to themselves....my gosh, what is wrong with kids, eating Tide Pods, pouring boiling water on themselves...? If someone is constantly doing your thinking for you, how will you ever be able to discern or be aware yourself.

I see grown teenager's parents at work thinking actually believing that they have to take off work and be home with their 14 year old kid, b/c he stayed home from school and doesn't feel well????? Are you kidding me. If you can't trust your child at 14 years of age, to be home alone, something is wrong, not to mention, how will he ever learn those skills? To be trusted to do the right thing? Make the proper decisions?

Of course you can't be Japanese, but you can be a concerned responsible parent, which means, teaching independence, awareness and discernment.

Last edited by cremebrulee; 07-31-2018 at 06:05 AM..
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Old 07-31-2018, 07:07 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,050 posts, read 37,695,377 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
I believe the same way you do, and also with my Asian friends...our society is making our kids way too weak and unable to cope with real life.

Our children need to be taught manners, as well as self discipline, and how to be independent & responsible.

...

Of course you can't be Japanese, but you can be a concerned responsible parent, which means, teaching independence, awareness and discernment.
Yes, I wish I could thank my grandmother, who was of French Huguenot descent and born and raised in Mississippi, for raising all of us the "Japanese" way.
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Old 07-31-2018, 07:12 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,081 posts, read 3,064,397 times
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Every culture is different. It's not better or worse, just different.

We host exchange students and I'm also an active volunteer in the organization, so I have had a lot of contact with a lot of students, as well as parents and volunteers, from a lot of countries. The Japanese teens are independent in some ways but very dependent in others. The girls, in particular, do not make many of their own decisions, so they are a bit mind-boggled when they come here and can choose what classes they want to take, what extracurricular activities to try, what to do on a Saturday afternoon. They are also not used to talking about their feelings, so they do a lot of smiling and nodding even when they are miserable. They can be tough nuts to crack! I loved my Japanese "daughter" to pieces, but it was so hard to drag any type of opinion out of her until she had been here a good six months.

We had an even harder time with our Thai daughter. Everything was smiling and nodding until she blew up in May or June over something that had happened in November that I barely even remembered. She had been taught to be polite at all costs and not to make waves, but she was extremely bothered by something that could have been solved with a talk and an explanation if she had said something about it then.

This is a big world and there are many, many cultural differences that the average American (and the average world citizen!) is completely unaware of. I learn more and more and more every year and I've been doing this since 2006. To latch onto a few behaviors of one particular culture and deem it The Way is not realistic or productive; there are so many nuances in the Japanese culture that allow parents to be that way and children to thrive *within that collectivist culture* that it would be extremely difficult to replicate the system here in the United States, where we top the charts on individualism, and get similar results.
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Old 07-31-2018, 07:29 AM
 
25,455 posts, read 23,279,677 times
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Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
Every culture is different. It's not better or worse, just different.

We host exchange students and I'm also an active volunteer in the organization, so I have had a lot of contact with a lot of students, as well as parents and volunteers, from a lot of countries. The Japanese teens are independent in some ways but very dependent in others. The girls, in particular, do not make many of their own decisions, so they are a bit mind-boggled when they come here and can choose what classes they want to take, what extracurricular activities to try, what to do on a Saturday afternoon. They are also not used to talking about their feelings, so they do a lot of smiling and nodding even when they are miserable. They can be tough nuts to crack! I loved my Japanese "daughter" to pieces, but it was so hard to drag any type of opinion out of her until she had been here a good six months.

We had an even harder time with our Thai daughter. Everything was smiling and nodding until she blew up in May or June over something that had happened in November that I barely even remembered. She had been taught to be polite at all costs and not to make waves, but she was extremely bothered by something that could have been solved with a talk and an explanation if she had said something about it then.

This is a big world and there are many, many cultural differences that the average American (and the average world citizen!) is completely unaware of. I learn more and more and more every year and I've been doing this since 2006. To latch onto a few behaviors of one particular culture and deem it The Way is not realistic or productive; there are so many nuances in the Japanese culture that allow parents to be that way and children to thrive *within that collectivist culture* that it would be extremely difficult to replicate the system here in the United States, where we top the charts on individualism, and get similar results.
I don't believe anyone disputes anything you have presented here.....nor has anyone claimed that a culture, is completely "the Way". However, there are parts of Asian cultures that are good, and I thank you for pointing out the bad of it....

No, you certainly cannot compare parents of Japanese to American Parents, for certain...however, it would serve us all is we discerned the good from the bad and applied it sometime...

again, I found your facts around the emotional part of the Japanese Culture interesting, and it does make sense....now if we could only can the good parts of it and apply it to some degree to our society... and visa versa....we could all benefit.
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Old 07-31-2018, 07:32 AM
 
25,455 posts, read 23,279,677 times
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Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Have you parented? I read the article. I'm not sure how you can compare a childhood in a largely homogeneous country like Japan to the melting pot of America. Nor can you compare the freedoms offered to children in a country with little crime and strict gun control to the precautions many parents here feel are necessary.

But, for the record, I, and many, many other parents I know somehow managed to raise self-sufficient, mature, and successful adults right here in the US. Go figure.
no, your right, in one aspect you can't compare, but in others you can...and those others I believe is what the OP is referring to.

Her first paragraph, about the 6 year old running off...now I'm certain, it wasn't this way all over the U.S. but we grew up in a very small town...and we were left to run all around town all by ourselves at 5 and 6 years old. We rode our bikes over to the park in the summer, to swim in the wading pool, which was supervised by an adult.

We were told we had to be home for supper so watch the time....and be home when it got dark. Otherwise, our parents didn't much know where we were....we might have been ice skating all day over at the ice skating rink...when we were 12 years old, our older brother or father took us over to the stables, and we rode all day.

We were given a free rein so to speak, but along with that came responsibility to not get into trouble, to not speak to strangers, and always stay around people, to never venture off alone. Oh, and we had the movies in the afternoons, during the school year, we mostly walked to school, by ourselves. When I was in kinder garden, my cousin and I waked 3 blocks to school by ourselves. My mother worked two and 3 jobs, so I had to learn how to cook and clean, and shop for groceries, with the list she made every week. I also did laundry and ironed.

And I had a job at 13 years old....

I'm glad I did all those things as a child....it taught me diversity in ability and confidence that there wasn't anything I can't do. Never gave up easily....

Her 2nd paragraph reasures the reader that while Japanese do not boast about their child's progress and activities, they are indeed very competitive, which is a good thing all the way around, the more a child learns I believe the more they develop the more confidence they earn....I have witnessed this with the Asian Cultures...which is a good thing...

Last edited by cremebrulee; 07-31-2018 at 07:49 AM..
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