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I lived over the road to a couple who were in their 50s with no family.. they were both school teachers.. went on lovely holidays together and were out in the car together all the time.. I think it keeps people closer in some ways without children..
Children can be very rewarding, but no one has the right to judge someone who chooses not to have them. There are several reasons why someone may not (myself included), and some people recognize that they may not be a good parent. That is way better to consciously know that, than to end up in a situation where both parent and child aren't in the best circumstances.
You mean relationships that involve fewer people are easier? Huh. Shocking.
That's pretty judgemental, btw.
Not judge-y. It's the truth based on my observations, and as you pointed out, it's LOGICAL. I have friends who have very good marriages with children, but yeah, they have their added worries and conflicts.
I don't think "judgemental" means what you think it means.
I doubt that. While there were a few who probably were, most people were probably just being nice.
I work from home and live in a really cool city. I have no kids to worry about. At the time I didn't have obligations to anyone but myself. There was definitely a little envy. But like I said, they weren't rethinking their choices - they were just thinking about having a choice to sleep in on a weekend or head out at the drop of a hat in response to an invitation. My point is that they weren't judging me, and they saw the pluses of my situation. Similarly, I wasn't sitting there going "You poor *******, you must be so boooored."
The discussion of children vs. childfree seems to get derailed by the perception (false, IMHO) of envy in one party or another.
Oh fer chrissakes... I was not sitting there saying everyone wants to be me. I was pointing out that my childhood friends aren't douchebags who would judge me for making different choices than them, and I'm not judging them for having kids. Most of them seemed to have really amazing lives, and there are parts of each other's lives that we can kind of wish we had for ourselves. Hell, maybe if I'd had that choice, I'd have been delighted to settle down with a highschool sweetheart and have a bunch of kids, but things didn't work out that way and I found a different path to happiness. I can be envious of my friends who are happily married having some benefits, like someone to have their back in a crisis, but I can also acknowledge that realistically that wouldn't ultimately lead to a happier situation for me overall.
I get the advantages of staying childless, and my kids have given me a good bit of worry over the years, and a stretched out belly, and smaller bank account, but I still would have them over again. They’re such a royal pain at times, but yet they’re so much fun.
I admit that I have trouble relating to women who don’t want children, because I don’t really understand them. I feel like it’s cheating, in a way.....like they haven’t paid their dues as women.
I admit that I have trouble relating to women who don’t want children, because I don’t really understand them. I feel like it’s cheating, in a way.....like they haven’t paid their dues as women.
Why do they or anyone have to "pay dues" to be a woman? What's there to understand? It's a preference like anything else. Do you feel the same way about women who have never been married?
Under the Non-Romantic Relationship forum, there was a recent thread, "Why is NOT wanting kids looked at as "different"? (female, male)". Check it out.
Anyway, you may want to find single women with no kids to develop friendships with. I've found that most married women with children are mostly always very consumed with their kids. When they get older, it's the grandkids. They don't seem interested in developing any other interests in life except doing things with their kids. I even know an adult widow who has ample financial resources to travel anywhere she wants to, but refuses to go anywhere unless her adult daughter goes with her!
Most women with kids are OK with childless women but really don't seem to want them around. If I'm at a banquet table with 4 other women and they all have kids, they will all ignore me and talk between themselves like I'm not even there. No matter how much I try to show an interest in them, it doesn't matter. They just don't want to associate with someone who doesn't have kids.
We decided not to have them. Never once was on the pill, just careful (for the most part) but just felt I was never ready to be a mom and now at 43 I’m not going to (yes I know people say you still can) in my case though, I’m trying to loose weight, on cholesterol meds and don’t feel I’d be healthy enough nor financially could afford it. I just feel like many people judge me....some people who meet me will ask “How many kids I have?” not even “Do you have kids?” I feel some friends or people I meet who have kids can’t relate to me and only want to be around others who have kids. Some other friends of mine talk about their kids nonstop. I love kids and want to be around them but I don’t like going to dinner with friends who talk about their kids the whole time or if their kids are there, have no discipline over them. I feel worthless sometimes as I know many people say having kids is our main purpose.
I really didn't know it was still such an anomaly for women to forgo having children. In my day it was downright suspicious, whispered about, unnatural, and anti-family for a couple not to have children.
The woman was barren (how horrible!) and the husband was pitied among his peers because his wife wasn't cooperating. It was like a sad marriage thing if couples were childless.
Yes, mothers tend to hang around others like them. They are focused on their little loves and one can't blame them for talking about it 24/7.
I am one of those childless women. It just wasn't meant to be and it wasn't the focus of my life. I was busy with survival and keeping my head above water. Most importantly I picked unreliable partners. A child's environment would not have been ideal. In retrospect if I would have made children more of a priority I might have gotten my act together and had the experience of such a wonderful part of life.
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What's there to understand? It's a preference like anything else. Do you feel the same way about women who have never been married?