Social Media and how to keeps your kids away from it (teenage, parents)
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This falls into the Exact same area as drugs/alcohol, sex, guns, etc.... anything forbidden becomes more desirable and any "risks" used to try and scare them away will be ignored. The only Safe option is to educate them. It's easy with social media, there are a billion examples of people losing jobs, being crucified for what they've said, deleting years worth of posts out of Fear of someone finding Something damaging. The main issue here is that *you* will have to set your biases to the side and learn the information yourself so you can answer their questions.
Always remember that the human mind doesn't finish developing until ~22 for girls and ~25 for boys. The very last area to develop (if it's not stunted by alcohol/drugs) is the prefrontal cortex. This is the area of the brain responsible for understanding cause and effect. If I do this, these are potential consequences. Kids really Don't understand, are incapable of doing so, that "sexting" is a criminal offense that could see them labeled for life. They don't understand that unprotected sex, just one time, can lead to pregnancy and/or STD's that don't just "go away". They are incapable of figuring this stuff out and need education... they won't get it in school, but they DO get it from peers. It's generally the Wrong information, but when that's the only source ho do they know it's wrong? Avoidance parenting means you push 100% of that education into the hands of others. Do you really want your kids learning, and accepting as truth, information from unknown sources?
If you don't teach your children how to use social media responsibly what do you think will happen when they're older (e.g., 16 or 18) and use it? Because not matter what rules you put down when they're young, there is a 99% chance that they will use social media when they get older. They will have had no guidance and no experience navigating it's ups (and there are some benefits) and downs.
I also agree it will hurt them socially if you don't allow them to use it.
Regardless of what people think who grew up without social media, it's here to stay and it's a part of everyday life.
It's also absolutely possible to use it responsibly, have other interests and live a life not glued to a phone.
I'm dealing with this now. My 17-year-old daughter has known since she was in elementary school the safety rules of using social media, the internet, and safety in general. Well, that iPhone and social media have her disregarding every rule. It could be a combination of peer pressure and boy crazy as well. I went from setting standard time restricts of after 10 pm for using the phone and internet to monitoring everything she does on the internet. It's exhausting.
Always remember that the human mind doesn't finish developing until ~22 for girls and ~25 for boys. The very last area to develop (if it's not stunted by alcohol/drugs) is the prefrontal cortex. This is the area of the brain responsible for understanding cause and effect. If I do this, these are potential consequences. Kids really Don't understand, are incapable of doing so, that "sexting" is a criminal offense that could see them labeled for life. They don't understand that unprotected sex, just one time, can lead to pregnancy and/or STD's that don't just "go away". They are incapable of figuring this stuff out and need education... they won't get it in school, but they DO get it from peers. It's generally the Wrong information, but when that's the only source ho do they know it's wrong? Avoidance parenting means you push 100% of that education into the hands of others. Do you really want your kids learning, and accepting as truth, information from unknown sources?
An SJW liberal feminist, especially one that is a mother-in-law, would probably take pride with such a development.
I've been watching Shark Tank reruns (don't judge!) and they had a woman on there who developed an app that helps parents and schools give kids the chance to think twice before sending texts or posting comments on social media. The show was a couple of years ago, but I looked up her app and its still going strong - ReThink - Before the Damage is Done
From her site: "Research shows that when adolescents are alerted to "ReThink" their decision, they change their minds 93% of the time. Using ReThink™, the overall willingness of an adolescent to post an offensive message reduced from 71% to 4%."
I educated myself on social media before I made any modifications to my accounts, save for immediately curbing future contributions to my feed / story. What I learned as astounding.
I'd say use an incomplete or fake name, even if slightly different or just out of order. Make it a habit to untag yourself in each picture. Beware that even if your settings are locked down, and you comment on a public post, your response is visible. Also, if you comment on a friend's post, and it's only visible to friends at the moment. Your friend can change the audience at any time in the future, and you will NOT be notified.
Change your profile picture to something other than your face. Set your pictures to friends only. Get a secondary phone number, like a free Google Voice number, to link to your account for authentication, so you cannot be searched via the number that you use for all your interactions. Same with email, use an email address known only to you for social media logins, so your email on your resume cannot be traced back to these accounts.
Search engines index nearly everything, so though you might delete a post, it may still be searchable for some time into the future. When you delete a conversation thread in your inbox, you only delete your copy, putting yourself at a disadvantage if you needed to prove your case in a dispute. I keep all my threads for record keeping's sake.
HORSE HOCKEY! So by these lights you'd be letting your kid drink and smoke pot, lest they be "alienated".
That is utterly idiotic. Parents need to set boundaries. The big problem with so-called "social media" is that there ARE no boundaries. It has nothing to do with fear and everything to do with instilling ethical guidelines and teaching a kid how to become an adult.
There is way too much bullying online. And if you think there aren't pedophiles hanging around all those "social media" sites doing their hunting, you are sadly mistaken. I would NEVER expose my child to it. E-mail, sure. You can filter e-mail as necessary. But no fakebook, no twitter, no vine, none of that nonsense. NO DATA PHONE. Most schools already block these sites. Parents should as well.
Well social media is not the same as taking drugs and drinking. As the parent of 3 young adults, I have to say that younger people make many of their social plans using social media as well as group text messages. Social media is just one more thing you need to add to teaching your children when they are old enough. Being cut off from social media is social suicide for teens.
That said, my 3 kids use social media differently. When they were teens they were monitored and there were posts that they made that we asked them to take down. They also lost privileges for short periods of time for making the posts. You need to be involved in their online lives when they are teens. They can try to hide things from you but you shouldn't let the perfect be the enemy of the good enough.
My 24 year old is active on social media. He posts pictures, lots of sports news and avoids political discussions on his pages. He is careful not to post drunken photos although there are a few pictures of him having a beer with friends or his wife.
My 22 year old is the most active of my boys on social media. He is a musician and uses social media to plug his gigs and news of his friends gigs. He also posts a ton of cat pictures. What would facebook be without cat pictures. No party pictures for this son. No photos with drinks. Some with his girlfriend but no drinks visible. He cultivates a clean cut image to help his musical career.
Both of the older boys have part time gigs with NFL teams (not players). Both have corporate jobs, one with a bank, the other with a hotel. They are well aware that their social media pages can have an impact on their careers because they were taught that as teen. In fact, my 22 year old deleted his old facebook account and started a new one when he was in college.
My youngest is only 19. He hates social media but he participates minimally because he is a college lacrosse player and his team makes all social plans on social media. All pictures of the team trip to Portugal were shared with parents solely via social media. He tweets minimally and posts mostly lacrosse team photos. He does not post drunken photos as the team has a rule prohibiting drunken photos. He emailed us some photos of him with our senator that were taken during his internship. He asked that we not post them to social media but said we could share with family members with a request not to post. He posted only the photo the senator posted on twitter.
Social media can be negative. But it is merely one thing that has both positive and negative aspects. As a parent it is your job to prepare your child for adulthood. That includes social media. Don't leave it to them to figure out on their own when they are away at college.
My kids both have tablets, and my 16 year old has a cell phone. I don't restrict the social media they use. They say Facebook is for old people and Instagram is for annoying people. They like You Tube and Pinterest. My oldest recently asked if I minded if she got a Twitter account so she could follow some of her favorite authors. Both of them are familiar with the concept of curating their online presence because colleges and future employers will do a search. They learn about that every year during the online safety and security courses their school offers.
Don't any of you parents get at least a flurry of consternation when you see practically everyone (kids AND adults) these days glued to these devices and obsessed with social media in general? Don't you automatically think "something is not quite right here" ...? Or, are you (a general you) also an i-phone/social media zombie and have therefore become totally indifferent to at least questioning what is happening - or has happened - to society?
I don't see what the difference is between people who used to pass the time reading magazines changing to social media. Years ago when I went to the doctor's office I would read a book or magazine. These days I might be playing a game or checking facebook. So sure, you see people everywhere glued to their phones. Why is that a big deal? People pass the time while waiting in a different way than they used to.
Additionally, my husband and might be sitting at dinner and one of us asks a question that can be answered by looking it up on the internet. So we pull out a phone and google the answer. Why is that bad? Sometimes when we are eating dinner we decide that we want to see a movie, or go to the horse racing, or get tickets for a hockey game. So we pull out our phones and check the details. Why is that a problem?
You don't know what people are doing when they are looking at their phone. It isn't necessarily an indication that people are zombies just because they are looking at their phones. We use our phones all the time but that doesn't make us zombies. Phones have made getting information and setting up social plans easier than ever.
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