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Old 08-07-2018, 10:01 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
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Parenting was different in the 70's than it I today! I think they were much more relaxed as they let you go by yourself in a foreign country in the first place. The fact they got upset and mad after they couldn't find you is interesting since they let you go off alone in the first place. My daughter is now 12 and I can't see myself letting her wonder around by herself in a foreign country at 14 or 16;however, if she said she was going to be in a specific spot and I let her go and then she wasn't there, yes I would be extremely angry!
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Old 08-08-2018, 04:45 AM
 
Location: New York Area
14,990 posts, read 5,924,698 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CGab View Post
Parenting was different in the 70's than it I today! I think they were much more relaxed as they let you go by yourself in a foreign country in the first place. The fact they got upset and mad after they couldn't find you is interesting since they let you go off alone in the first place. My daughter is now 12 and I can't see myself letting her wonder around by herself in a foreign country at 14 or 16;however, if she said she was going to be in a specific spot and I let her go and then she wasn't there, yes I would be extremely angry!
I think it's the children or more precisely the entertainment available to children that are different. That makes parenting different.

I was born in 1957, and my children were born in 1996 and 1997. Technology can keep modern children entertained in a variety of ways. Back in the period from, say, 1967 to 1973 network television was it. Thus, children nowadays can "explore the world" without, literally, going anywhere. If you didn't like what was on the networks at any given time back in the day, you were stuck. Soap operas in the afternoon weren't everyone's bag.

My older son is more like me than most modern children but his knowledge of the outside world is more limited. By the summer of 1974 I could go to Macy's, buy myself concert tickets and then drive into Manhattan to see "Mostly Mozart." My son didn't know the "grid system" of New York City streets well enough to manage that feat. Now, at 22, he's beginning to get the hang of it. He now selects exotic food festivals to attend and navigate without problem. Oh, and when he went to Italy during the summer that he was 16, he managed to overshoot his stop on the train. He and his friend got back to the group with absolutely no problem.

So, maybe in our "older" generation "necessity was the mother of invention."
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Old 08-08-2018, 05:59 AM
 
13,082 posts, read 20,484,065 times
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Kids haven't changed, only your perception of them has. There have always been fearless ones, ones with innate common sense, plenty who were coddled.

My youngest, one week past his 19th birthday, flew into South America to do a research project for 3 months. His flight landed at 2:30 am, and he had to exit the airport immediately because they closed it down once his flight disembarked. He had to find a safe spot to wait with his gear until he could make travel arrangements to get to the location 4 hours away. He has common sense, and is well able to take care of himself. But I still wouldn't have let him go off on his own in a foreign country at 14 without being certain of his whereabouts.
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Old 08-08-2018, 07:47 AM
 
2,132 posts, read 935,523 times
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Neither incident was "helicopter parenting" at all, let alone "helicopter parenting at its worst".
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Old 08-15-2018, 09:09 AM
 
Location: Teach an Fhir Bholg
12,479 posts, read 13,803,019 times
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They strike me as over-concerned in both cases.

When you were fourteen you were going to a show in the hotel...I presume you meant the same hotel as the one you were staying in. If your parents looked for you in one show venue, why did they not just go and look in the other before they became frantic. Yes, it seems over the top.

In the Bahamas you were gone one hour at age 16, and you had permission for a side trip. But when they came back your street clothes were now on the bed. Your mother made the level-headed observation, IMO.
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Old 08-15-2018, 02:19 PM
 
Location: New York Area
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Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
They strike me as over-concerned in both cases.

When you were fourteen you were going to a show in the hotel...I presume you meant the same hotel as the one you were staying in. If your parents looked for you in one show venue, why did they not just go and look in the other before they became frantic. Yes, it seems over the top.
It was in the hotel, actually a gazebo between the tennis courts and swimming pool on hotel property. It was definitely over the top.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
In the Bahamas you were gone one hour at age 16, and you had permission for a side trip. But when they came back your street clothes were now on the bed. Your mother made the level-headed observation, IMO.
My mother made that observation after a tirade. But in both cases, they were dealing with a somewhat intelligent and alert son, not a toddler.
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Old 04-15-2019, 10:41 AM
 
Location: New York Area
14,990 posts, read 5,924,698 times
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Originally Posted by Pyewackette View Post
Neither incident was "helicopter parenting" at all, let alone "helicopter parenting at its worst".
Apparently often the various "Child Protective Services" agree with you and we are raising infants in grown people's clothing. Child Protective Services love to interfere when well-cared for children are at play, on their own, learning to be independent:
  1. 11-year-old Boy Taken into Custody for Playing Alone in His Driveway
  2. Parents Charged with 'Neglect' After 11-Year-Old Plays in Yard for 90 minutes
Reports can be used for retaliation or sometimes even as part of a political campaign. For example, apparently a Texas Congressional candidate got on the wrong side of a dispute with his opponent 'Political dirty trick': False claim of child abuse alleged. One candidate allegedly invented a child abuse allegation out of thin air against his opponent. The anonymous nature of these reports, while well-reasoned, creates some real potential for abuse. For more, see Free-Range Parenting; Criminalization of Parenthood, vs. Overprotection of Children?
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Old 04-19-2019, 09:42 AM
 
8,909 posts, read 9,068,399 times
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Originally Posted by jbgusa View Post
March 1973 - Bahamas

Not sure if this is the right forum but here goes. At the time of this event I was about to turn 16. I was relatively well-educated, aware of my surroundings and knew how to handle a variety of problems.

In March 1973, about two months after my father died, my mother and grandmother took to Sonesta Beach Hotel in the Bahamas. Which I think is now the Melia Resort. My mother and grandmother decided to go shopping in downtown Nassau, about 2 miles or so away. I took one look at the available shopping and decided I'd be dreadfully bored.

I knew from prior reading that they sold turtle soup at the local zoo, so I asked to take a side trip there. I went to the bus terminal in Nassau and quickly figured out that the timing wouldn't work. I'd have to take a bus to the zoo and then double-back into town to catch a bus back to the hotel. I thus returned to the hotel, changed my clothes and went to play tennis with a girl I had met and her brother. I forgot to leave a note in the room and cell phones didn't exist then. Needless to say my mother and grandmother were furious when they came back and couldn't find me. Finally my mother stuck up for me (a rare moment) by pointing out that I did leave my street clothes on the bed, meaning I was engaged somewhere in athletic activities, either in the water or playing tennis. And to this day I never have had turtle soup.

The forum question is, was my mother and grandmother needlessly alarmed about a one-hour disappearance?

================================================== ===============================================
February 1972 - Barbados

Rewind about 13 months if you will, to February 1972, except this time it was my mother and still-surviving father. We went to the Barbados Hilton. I was 14 at the time.

I loved calypso music, and told my parents I was going to the "night club at the hotel" to listen. I didn't realize there were two, one in the dining facility and one in an outdoor gazebo. I picked the latter. About an hour later I was the subject of a frantic search.

Now an aside, they would have been even more unhappy if they knew I was chatting with a doctor, who was explaining the real nature of my father's illness, quite distinct from the "happy horse-excrement" with which they were feeding me, and in turn which they were fed by their doctors.

Were these incidents "helicopter parenting" at its worst? Or was it warranted?

I think that I can beat that story. Here goes:

When I was fourteen and I had just finished ninth grade, I went with a group of other students to Mexico. We toured Mexico City, Acapulco, Taxco, and Puebla. During the tour the teacher gave us all free run of the cities that we visited. I was taking the metro in Mexico City all over town to Chapultepec Park, Xochimilcho, the Plaza of Three Cultures, etc. No one seemed to sense any danger in this. In fact, all the students in my group were dividing into groups of two and three and doing the same thing. This was all the way back in 1974.

In Acapulco, I went parasailing. There were no parental release forms and no need to even get permission from the teacher. Quite an experience to be 100 feet above the ground being pulled by a boat when you are fourteen years old.

I didn't do it, but I had two friends who even bought switch blade knives and smuggled them back into the USA.

Childhood was different back than. But, in fairness I think the teacher was taking some risks. The school district wasn't looking at the trip closely enough. Finally, our parents assumed the "best" about us which often wasn't true.

I know its easy to look back on these experiences with nostalgia, but sometimes I think the fact that we all avoided death and/or serious injury was a simple matter of luck rather than anything else.
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Old 04-19-2019, 09:54 AM
 
9,308 posts, read 3,629,860 times
Reputation: 23309
Quote:
Originally Posted by jbgusa View Post
Apparently often the various "Child Protective Services" agree with you and we are raising infants in grown people's clothing. Child Protective Services love to interfere when well-cared for children are at play, on their own, learning to be independent:
  1. 11-year-old Boy Taken into Custody for Playing Alone in His Driveway
  2. Parents Charged with 'Neglect' After 11-Year-Old Plays in Yard for 90 minutes
Reports can be used for retaliation or sometimes even as part of a political campaign. For example, apparently a Texas Congressional candidate got on the wrong side of a dispute with his opponent 'Political dirty trick': False claim of child abuse alleged. One candidate allegedly invented a child abuse allegation out of thin air against his opponent. The anonymous nature of these reports, while well-reasoned, creates some real potential for abuse. For more, see Free-Range Parenting; Criminalization of Parenthood, vs. Overprotection of Children?
As always, when you read something like this, there's more to the story.

The child was removed to foster care, then placed in a relative's care. THEN, removed from the relative's care and placed back in foster care.

The parents still have a criminal charge pending.

CPS doesn't want your children. They want to arrive, find nothing terribly amiss, and tell parents next time communicate better with your kids, bye.

The fact that the cops AND CPS AND the judge agreed there was need for this supervision of the parents, there's something here not being said. Because you know, makes a better news story.
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Old 04-19-2019, 10:16 AM
 
Location: New York Area
14,990 posts, read 5,924,698 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
As always, when you read something like this, there's more to the story.

The child was removed to foster care, then placed in a relative's care. THEN, removed from the relative's care and placed back in foster care.

The parents still have a criminal charge pending.

CPS doesn't want your children. They want to arrive, find nothing terribly amiss, and tell parents next time communicate better with your kids, bye.

The fact that the cops AND CPS AND the judge agreed there was need for this supervision of the parents, there's something here not being said. Because you know, makes a better news story.
To which one of the two linked incidents, the politician or the driveway, are you referring?
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