Almost 30 year old female and I feel I’m so far behind not having kids... (daycare, fertility)
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I’m a single, almost 30, female, and lately have been giving myself a hard time about not having a child by now. My “plan” was to have kids by the time I was 30 so they could leave the house at an age where I won’t be in my 50s and so I could retire early to travel the world. Well, life wanted me to instead land a dream job at a Fortune 100 Company and these last several years have been about growing within the company (which I’m definitely not complaining about).
I guess I’m wanting to get thoughts from others who had children in their 30s and the pros/reasons of why you are glad you waited. This subject has been really getting to me as all my FB friends seem to be having children all at once and I just saw a commercial where the average age of a woman to have her first child is 28.
My wife and I had our kids in our early 30s. Our youngest was born about a week before my wife turned 34. Everyone has their own reasons for having kids early or late. There were many factors for us, but one was financial. We didn't feel we were in a good place financially until around the time we turned 30. My wife grew up fairly poor and likely realized the difficulty her mother had in raising her. I don't know if my wife was sure if she wanted to continue working full-time, part-time or stay-at-home. So we needed all of those to be options. It sort of worked out in the end. She got to stay home and raise the kids after we tried daycare for a few months. But that just wasn't for us. And we pulled that off without having a big financial burden along the way.
When we brought our kids to school for the first time, I thought we'd be the oldest parents in the room. But honestly, that "first kid @ 28" is probably accurate. Lots of parents our age or older (probably their child was not their oldest). Our kids will all hit college age when we are in our late 40s and early 50s. That's probably a good time to handle helping them pay for college since we'll likely be at the peak of our careers then.
My wife and I had our kids in our early 30s. Our youngest was born about a week before my wife turned 34. Everyone has their own reasons for having kids early or late. There were many factors for us, but one was financial. We didn't feel we were in a good place financially until around the time we turned 30. My wife grew up fairly poor and likely realized the difficulty her mother had in raising her. I don't know if my wife was sure if she wanted to continue working full-time, part-time or stay-at-home. So we needed all of those to be options. It sort of worked out in the end. She got to stay home and raise the kids after we tried daycare for a few months. But that just wasn't for us. And we pulled that off without having a big financial burden along the way.
When we brought our kids to school for the first time, I thought we'd be the oldest parents in the room. But honestly, that "first kid @ 28" is probably accurate. Lots of parents our age or older (probably their child was not their oldest). Our kids will all hit college age when we are in our late 40s and early 50s. That's probably a good time to handle helping them pay for college since we'll likely be at the peak of our careers then.
I doubt it. The OP is in Florida and I think the average age at marriage there now is 30 for men and 28 for women, so unless everyone there is having a kid and THEN getting married, that’s likely not the case. I am a native Floridian and most of my friends/acquaintances got married before having kids. I’m guessing around 30 for women is probably closer to the norm these days for the first kid. There were some who had kids in their late 20s, but just as many started in their early 30s or even mid 30s. It sounds like the OP is just in an early starting age group, but there are likely lots of other women out there who haven’t started families yet or may not even be married.
It's a shame that women often have to choose between establishing a career and starting a family, but that's the way it happens for many women. My daughter decided to get her career going before becoming pregnant, and as a result she waited to have a child until age 37. Now both career and child are successful.
There are two disadvantages to older parenthood that my daughter and son-in-law have expressed to me. The first is that they are "older" parents and thus will be quite advanced in age when they see their own grandchild(ren). They joke that maybe their daughter will be a teen mom so they can experience grandparenthood at an earlier age. (Just a joke!)
The second disadvantage is that they tried to get pregnant with a second child, but my daughter's advanced age (41 now) made it impossible for them to conceive. They did try IVF but it was not successful.
My husband and I were 27 when we had our first. In hindsight, we really should have waited a good 5 more years, because we were not as established as we should have been before having kids. Of course, we wanted to be done having kids at 30, because at the time that seemed so old, lol.
We "waited" if you can call it that, due to infertility. DH and I were 32 and 31, respectively, when we got married. We started trying right away, but infertility reared its ugly head and I was 34 and 9 months and he 36 when our first was born; I was just 38 and he 39 with the second.
I think the best time to have kids is when you have them. We were a little older than some of the other parents of kids our age. But people have kids all over the possible age range, so we weren't "outliers". Of the "older generation" of our extended fam, we are right in the middle between our daughters' spouses parents. The youngest one, ironically has had cancer twice now. So you never know.
I was 60 when the youngest graduated from college, DH was 61. We had time to continue working to replenish our savings, and we had enough money through savings, investments and a fortunate inheritance that our kids could go to undergrad w/o loans. We have enough for a comfortable retirement and that was with me working very part time some of the child-rearing years.
I was in my late 30s and don't regret it at all. I did a lot of living, traveling and working and now can enjoy all the things we do with our son without feeling like I'm missing out on anything.
The whole 'living your life' thing after they're raised and gone rarely works out. Once you have kids, you always have them and you'll never really be free the way you are when you're childless.
ETA - you didn't mention energy levels but people usually do, so I'll address that, too. Children are exhausting and they will suck every bit of life and energy that you have. People in their late 20s, early 30s don't ever look like they're doing any better than I am in my 40s. LOL At my age I don't have the energy to go out dancing until 3am but I've been there, done that so I don't have the desire to either. And parents in the younger age brackets might have the energy and the desire, but they can't because they have kids who will be up at 7am peeling their eyelids open. Waiting until you're older gives you a chance to have your youth to yourself and them some wisdom to give your kids.
My son and his wife put off starting a family until they were both over 30. He is going to be 34 this year, I think she is about the same age, maybe a year younger.
They are trying now but in the course of researching how long they could put it off, found that she already has a 30% lower chance of becoming pregnant in her early 30s than I did when I had my son at age 26.
The biological clock is real, and it is ticking. More and more women ARE putting motherhood off until they are in their 30s - and more and more of them are finding out they have screwed the pooch and they passed up all their opportunities. The risk of infertility rises pretty steeply after age 30, as well as all other facets of pregnancy becoming riskier and harder. By the time a woman hits 40, she has a 5% chance of getting pregnant.
And another poster mentioned energy - yes. Kids are energy vampires. Before my son was born, I had plenty of energy. Afterwards - HE had it all, LOL!
My son and his wife put off starting a family until they were both over 30. He is going to be 34 this year, I think she is about the same age, maybe a year younger.
They are trying now but in the course of researching how long they could put it off, found that she already has a 30% lower chance of becoming pregnant in her early 30s than I did when I had my son at age 26.
The biological clock is real, and it is ticking. More and more women ARE putting motherhood off until they are in their 30s - and more and more of them are finding out they have screwed the pooch and they passed up all their opportunities. The risk of infertility rises pretty steeply after age 30, as well as all other facets of pregnancy becoming riskier and harder. By the time a woman hits 40, she has a 5% chance of getting pregnant.
Pretty much true. Peak fertility in women is in their 20s. Even men after age 40 can have difficulty conceiving, lower sperm counts, poor morphology, etc.
As with most things in life, there are pros and cons for all ages to become a parent.
I had my one and only when I was 42. I had no problems conceiving at all, and could likely have had another after that without much problem, but decided to stop at one for other reasons.
Yes, I'm older than most - but not all - of the parents of his peers. Yes, I have less energy than I did when I was 10 years younger. Yes, paying for college will affect my retirement timetable.
On the other hand, I'm well established in my career, have enormous flexibility to come and go as I need and make a decent living working what are almost part time hours for my field. I have way more patience than I did when I was younger (ok, most of the time at least! lol!) I already got to have lots of the life experiences some people talk about having once their kids are grown up and out of the house - before my son was born, I traveled a lot, I lived in another country, I owned a home.
If I had my son when I was 28, I'm sure I could give you a similar list of pros and cons, with most of them reversed. Whatever the timetable ends up being, you'll make it work out.
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Children are exhausting and they will suck every bit of life and energy that you have. People in their late 20s, early 30s don't ever look like they're doing any better than I am in my 40s. LOL At my age I don't have the energy to go out dancing until 3am but I've been there, done that so I don't have the desire to either. And parents in the younger age brackets might have the energy and the desire, but they can't because they have kids who will be up at 7am peeling their eyelids open. Waiting until you're older gives you a chance to have your youth to yourself and them some wisdom to give your kids. 
