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The kid makes no room for his wife and his kid to just go have fun and relax. His wife has not responded to messages about coming to the fair. She recently totalled their reliable car and he replaced it with two junkers from the check from the insurance company. Last time we were there, one was in their garage with the hood up and it looked like it had been that way for weeks. So she probably couldn't meet us there if she wanted to. As far as us picking up the granddaughter, I'd be more than fine with that. BUT, they moved to a place an hour away from us. The fair is an hour away from us. They are at least 45 minutes from the fair. So at minimum, it's two hours for us to pick up our granddaughter each way to get to and from the fair.... Wife can't take that kind of travel with her disabilities. I'm not sure if she can spend two hours at the fair.
Has it occurred to you that taking a 3 year old to the fair might not seem relaxing or fun for his wife?
He is a 22 year old with a wife an a baby. His job is not to relax, have fun, or make time for his mother. His job is to support his family. It sounds like he's doing that to the best of his ability.
You don't sound at all like you are concerned about him, as you claim. You sound like you care about yourself and your wife. You want to see the grand child. They are busy this weekend. That's life.
So now you want them to move closer and you complain about their lack of air conditioning? They are young adults trying to forge their way in the world. They're having a tough time of it and have bitten off a lot, having a new marriage, a small child, and a house to pay for, and now car troubles on top of it all. They don't really have a lot of time for relaxation, and to be honest, it is not going to be relaxing for them to chase a three year old around at the fair. You need to let them live their lives. Yes, it would be nice if they lived closer and if you got to see them more often, but it is what it is. No, they are not expected to turn down overtime (which they are using to pay bills) to go to the fair with Oma. Yes, it stinks that your wife is disabled. But that is not their fault.
They can't be expected to put their own obligations on hold for things like going to the fair. This isn't a major holiday; it's Labor Day. I would understand if they were trying to avoid you on Thanksgiving and your major winter holiday of choice, but this really isn't a big deal. Most people don't go all out celebrating Labor Day and aren't consciously trying to make memories of the day for their children with the extended family. It's a day to sleep in a bit and maybe have a picnic in the backyard or with friends... IF you have the day off, which many people do not.
Maybe you could suggest a less stressful outing. Something that won't be stressful for the parents of a very small child, won't make the small child miss her nap, and won't make your wife uncomfortably hot or tired. Could you arrange to meet for lunch one Sunday afternoon in a town 30 minutes from each of you (since they're an hour away)? Maybe there's a playground that you could all go to for an hour or so. Or wait until the weather cools off and offer to bring them dinner on a Friday evening. I think that seeing them about once month sounds normal for grandparents who live an hour away... they have their own lives now and since you aren't 5 minutes down the street and they are very busy, it's not feasible for them to make the trip more often than that.
Honestly OP, you are the one that sounds self-absorbed Your son and his wife sound responsible, like they are doing the best they can to take care of themselves and their child. If their lack of reliable car bothers you, buy them a new car. If their lack of air conditioning is a problem, pay for that. Otherwise you have no room to complain and lay a guilt trip on them.
OP - He doesn't want your help because of your negativity. He's working to pay for his house and things for his family and your mad because he doesn't want to go to the fair.
Would you rather support him and his family?
This post can't be real. You have to be making this up.
You're mad that, in your opinion, they have no time for relaxation? lol What's it to you?
I don't have kids but I doubt that much time spent with a 3 year old is relaxing. Unless you can get someone to watch that 3 year old. Sounds like you and your wife could - if you didn't have issues with distance and their lack of air conditioning, and her health.
It is not your stepson's fault that his mother is in poor health right now. She and her needs and limitations aren't, and shouldn't be, his #1 priority. He has a family to take care of, and it seems they are slightly in over their heads and trying to get out of it. It sounds like they're doing good, the best they can. Leave them be. Offer support, help, just words of encouragement if not the other two. Don't try to tell them how to live their lives or point out everything they have (or don't have) or do that you're unhappy with.
If you aren't careful with how you treat them, they could cut you off. Which I'm sure you don't want.
For Oma and Grandpa, the look on the face of a 3 year old experiencing farm animals is great. They are only 3 one time....
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To pick up our granddaughter, it's an hour to their house, time to load up, then an almost an hour to the fair. With my wife's medical issues, not an option.
Then take her to the fair yourself. If your wife can't go to the fair either, why are you putting all the blame on your stepson? You can always find something else to do, 3 year olds aren't that picky on entertainment. Is there not a petting zoo in the area, or some other place where she can go see farm animals?
You are very critical and judgemental sounding in this thread. If this is how you are to be around, I am not surprised the 20-somethings in your family are otherwise engaged. If this was just a venting rant, then my apologies.
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