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Old 09-25-2018, 11:53 AM
 
Location: Central New Jersey
1,796 posts, read 621,588 times
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C'mon OP. What do you think?
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Old 09-25-2018, 12:01 PM
 
1,961 posts, read 1,066,919 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dspguy View Post
Short answer is there is no such etiquette/rule for something like this.

The slightly longer answer is... it depends how this was broached. A similar situation that I encountered might be a parallel to this one:

Family member gave my wife and I a gift certificate to go out to some fancy restaurant. He had assumed we'd use it on our anniversary. Very thoughtful since is where we tend to go for our anniversary. However, we couldn't get a babysitter. At the time, we had 3 small kids (4,3,1) and they are a handful. Our "trusted" babysitter was flaking out on us. So, I called up the restaurant and they assured me that they'd honor the gift certificate the following year. No big deal for us.

I agree. Of course there is no obligation for her to pay for anything else.


But the more complicated answer is it really depends on how well the sister knows the situation with baby sitters and the financial circumstances of a family. If they have a steady baby sitter that they use to regularly go out then of course what he said was rude and unreasonable.


But if they don't, than maybe this is not such a good present. It places an obligation on them to find/pay a baby sitter when maybe they can't afford one or don't want to spend the money. In this case, what the brother said is not unreasonable. But the sister could've also volunteered to baby sit for free...
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Old 09-25-2018, 12:26 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,558 posts, read 16,170,188 times
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Originally Posted by DefiantNJ View Post
I agree. Of course there is no obligation for her to pay for anything else.


But the more complicated answer is it really depends on how well the sister knows the situation with baby sitters and the financial circumstances of a family. If they have a steady baby sitter that they use to regularly go out then of course what he said was rude and unreasonable.


But if they don't, than maybe this is not such a good present. It places an obligation on them to find/pay a baby sitter when maybe they can't afford one or don't want to spend the money. In this case, what the brother said is not unreasonable. But the sister could've also volunteered to baby sit for free...
I'm the OP. A few more details. The brother's wife suggested concert tickets, to that specific band on that specific date, as a possible birthday gift for her husband (and the college student younger sister splurged and bought two tickets). The sister lives over 1,000 miles away so she could not babysit for her nephew.

Both her brother and his wife had full time jobs so the sister just assumed that they had enough money for a babysitter or they could ask the wife's parents (who lived 20 minutes away and often babysat for them for free) or a friend to babysit (they often traded babysitting with other couples). After all the wife suggested concert tickets as a possible birthday gift for her husband so why would the sister think that babysitting be a problem?

As I mentioned earlier, I suspect that the brother mentioned paying for a babysitter as a joke, probably via text or email, and the sister thought that he was serious about it. But, I was curious if there were some new etiquette rules that I didn't know about.

Reading all these responses reminds me about the problems of trying to make a joke via text/email that could easily be misconstrued (without seeing body language or hearing the tone of voice).
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Old 09-25-2018, 01:07 PM
 
4,604 posts, read 1,592,016 times
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Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
Well yes and no. It's not the problem of the gift giver, but it's not much of a gift if it can't be used. Poor broke inexperienced college kid might not realize that, but I hope other people who give such gifts would keep those things in mind.

Yep, this is kind of what I'm thinking about too.


It might have been 'nicer' if the brother had said "Oh wow, tickets for ****! I love that band. Hopefully, we'll be able to get a babysitter for the night."


Or if that just wasn't going to happen, you just be a grown up, and thank sister for the tickets, and give her a hug. Because, after all, it's the thought that counts.
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Old 09-25-2018, 01:12 PM
 
4,604 posts, read 1,592,016 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I'm the OP. A few more details. The brother's wife suggested concert tickets, to that specific band on that specific date, as a possible birthday gift for her husband (and the college student younger sister splurged and bought two tickets). The sister lives over 1,000 miles away so she could not babysit for her nephew.

Both her brother and his wife had full time jobs so the sister just assumed that they had enough money for a babysitter or they could ask the wife's parents (who lived 20 minutes away and often babysat for them for free) or a friend to babysit (they often traded babysitting with other couples). After all the wife suggested concert tickets as a possible birthday gift for her husband so why would the sister think that babysitting be a problem?

As I mentioned earlier, I suspect that the brother mentioned paying for a babysitter as a joke, probably via text or email, and the sister thought that he was serious about it. But, I was curious if there were some new etiquette rules that I didn't know about.

Reading all these responses reminds me about the problems of trying to make a joke via text/email that could easily be misconstrued (without seeing body language or hearing the tone of voice).

OK, so now I'm curious...did the sister ever find out if the brother and wife actually used the tickets or not?
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Old 09-25-2018, 05:39 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,558 posts, read 16,170,188 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
OK, so now I'm curious...did the sister ever find out if the brother and wife actually used the tickets or not?
Yes, they used the concert tickets and I recall that the wife's parents, who lived very close to the couple kept their grandson overnight (of course, for free) to make it a very romantic, carefree, fun event for the couple. Both the brother and his wife thanked the sister numerous times for the tickets afterward the concert.

However, as I mentioned earlier, the sister never gave her brother another expensive birthday gift again (as she felt that he was ungrateful and inconsiderate to tell her that she needed to add "money for a babysitter" with a gift like that) . Again, I think that he probably was trying to make a joke and it bombed (bombed big time).

Last edited by germaine2626; 09-25-2018 at 06:31 PM..
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Old 09-27-2018, 10:00 PM
 
5,971 posts, read 2,846,185 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
If you give a gift such as concert tickets, to a couple, are you also expected to pay for their babysitter so they can attend the concert? This situation recently came up with some younger friends and I am curious about what other people think.

A college student that I know splurged to give her older brother and his wife (who both have full time jobs) two tickets to a concert that he wanted to attended. Normally she would give a small gift, or a home made gift, to her brother for his birthday but spent at least four times what she would normally spent on his gift to buy two concert tickets. And, while he was (mostly) appreciative of the gift, he informed her that "it was not polite to buy tickets for a night out unless you also include enough money to pay for a babysitter."

Frankly, I had never heard of an etiquette rule like that. So, was she in the wrong or was he just making that up or is this something new or what?

Thank you for any input.

Oops, maybe this should be in Non-romantic relationships instead, but I was wondering what people who needed to pay for baby sitters (parents) thought about this issue.
Brother is nuts. Id take the tickets back immediately
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Old 10-01-2018, 05:55 PM
 
4,155 posts, read 1,698,694 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
If you give a gift such as concert tickets, to a couple, are you also expected to pay for their babysitter so they can attend the concert? This situation recently came up with some younger friends and I am curious about what other people think.

A college student that I know splurged to give her older brother and his wife (who both have full time jobs) two tickets to a concert that he wanted to attended. Normally she would give a small gift, or a home made gift, to her brother for his birthday but spent at least four times what she would normally spent on his gift to buy two concert tickets. And, while he was (mostly) appreciative of the gift, he informed her that "it was not polite to buy tickets for a night out unless you also include enough money to pay for a babysitter."

Frankly, I had never heard of an etiquette rule like that. So, was she in the wrong or was he just making that up or is this something new or what?

Thank you for any input.

Oops, maybe this should be in Non-romantic relationships instead, but I was wondering what people who needed to pay for baby sitters (parents) thought about this issue.

What? No. That is absolutely nuts. Shame on the brother for being such a selfish ass.
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Old 10-10-2018, 03:56 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,560 posts, read 11,673,251 times
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Originally Posted by Va83 View Post
No! No! No! Not ever!
maybe pay their lighting and heating too make sure the babysitter is cosy....
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Old 10-10-2018, 03:57 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,560 posts, read 11,673,251 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by westcoastforme View Post
Brother is nuts. Id take the tickets back immediately
selfish undeserving fool.... does he think the world and you owe him a living..
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