U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Happy Easter!
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 09-22-2018, 07:19 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,237 posts, read 73,041,453 times
Reputation: 47508

Advertisements

There are some bad eggs no matter what
But that is the exception -the parents are an enormous influence on the child -to a large extent the school have assumed that role
Big mistake
Most can take care of a child -few are good at getting him to true adulthood- a very difficult job
You can’t do it without discipline impossible
And we have been taught discipline is abuse
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-22-2018, 07:43 PM
 
7,479 posts, read 2,933,788 times
Reputation: 19851
Yes, strict parents often produce misbehaving kids.

That's where the term "military brat" comes from. Military parents are notorious for being strict, and their kids are notorious for being brats outside of the supervision of the parents.

Also, the preachers daughter cultural reputation. She goes off to college and look out.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-22-2018, 11:16 PM
 
Location: Texas
7,372 posts, read 2,714,026 times
Reputation: 15587
Quote:
Originally Posted by amandafrom97 View Post
Can a parent who is too strict create a child who actually "rebels" and becomes disrespectful towards others, engaging in violent criminal behavior, mentally unstable and depraved. .
Yes.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-23-2018, 05:40 AM
 
11,550 posts, read 9,414,671 times
Reputation: 14913
The measure of parenting that has the best likelihood of achieving thoughtful, capable and character-filled children is not on the strict / permissive spectrum. Children are little people seeking understanding of the world they live in. Parents are very influential from a very young age. When parents focus correction on misbehavior instead of what the behavior is saying about the child's understanding, they miss good learning opportunities. A child raised on a rule book of right and wrong with no personal connection to the whys of the rules is as likely to be baffled as a child raised with so much permission to do anything that they are likewise baffled at societies rules. My opinion.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-23-2018, 05:42 AM
 
Location: Bay Area, CA
28,542 posts, read 43,950,189 times
Reputation: 19259
I knew many when I was a teenager... some of my MOST rebellious friends were the ones with the strictest parents! My parents were pretty lax, and while I got into my fair share of trouble, I was much more honest with them than some of my friends (with their parents). So even when I was up to no good, they usually knew about it.

My friends with the strict parents, on the other hand, were much more sneaky and manipulative. One of them even squeezed through a dog door to sneak out one time! And since we grew up before the age of cell phones, it was even scarier for a parent to not know where their kid was; so if I were the parent, I’d rather at least have an idea of where they went & what they did. Good or bad.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-23-2018, 06:07 AM
 
32,150 posts, read 17,409,965 times
Reputation: 34841
Quote:
Originally Posted by curiousgeorge5 View Post
I know a family where the parents were strict but their sons became drug addicts.


Famous singer Bing Cosby was strict. Two of his sons committed suicide.
I read he was more than just strict, more on the emotionally abusive side. But only his kids can answer that question.

As to the OP, I would say the nature/nurture has so many variables that I would invoke the bell curve. Some will be good, some bad, and most will fall in the middle.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-23-2018, 09:32 AM
 
Location: East Coast
2,878 posts, read 1,659,942 times
Reputation: 4220
A microcosm of this is the strict-with-food parents. We had pretty much free reign, food-wise. We always had chips, soda, some kind of baked goods in the house. And when kids whose parents never let them eat anything would come over, they'd drink all the coke and eat all the sweets. It's the same today -- we always have soda and candy and chips in the house. My kids hardly eat any of it -- one never drinks any soda of any kind. His choice is only to drink milk, water, and sometimes chocolate milk. The other one refused to ever drink soda for many years. Now, as a teen, he drinks it some. Neither of them are much for candy -- it sits in the house forever, and often we end up throwing out candy if we've acquired it from Halloween or Easter or some other occasion. But there are a few kids who will come to the house and if they're there for a few hours, I see that they've drank 6 cans of soda and a bunch of candy.

And most people seem to have been acquainted or known of some kid in college who failed out after the first semester, because at the first taste of freedom, they couldn't stop playing video games, staying up all night, eating pizza and drinking beer. If they've learned to do things in moderation as a kid, this sort of thing doesn't happen as much.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-23-2018, 09:43 AM
 
713 posts, read 204,108 times
Reputation: 1739
It's a crapshoot. How do you explain siblings who had the same parents but are very different? My Ex was abusive, alcoholic and for the last 5 years of the marriage he was unemployed. His sister and her husband founded an extremely successful business are are multimillionaires and genuinely nice people.

For the record- I was raised by devout Roman Catholic parents and lost track of the number of guys I had sex with in my 20s. (Yes, I DID use contraception and it was before AIDS.) I raised my son in a very liberal Christian denomination and he became a conservative evangelical Christian. God has a sense of humor.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-23-2018, 09:49 AM
 
1,017 posts, read 762,673 times
Reputation: 994
Quote:
Originally Posted by curiousgeorge5 View Post
I know a family where the parents were strict but their sons became drug addicts.


Famous singer Bing Cosby was strict. Two of his sons committed suicide.
Me too, had a friend who sadly overdosed and died. Had straight A's in high schools, was never allowed to stay out past 10PM while the rest of us were out till 12. We then went to college together and because he was never allowed any independence in high school he was out of control first semester of college with alcohol and weed. Flunked out twice, eventually became a heroin addict. good guy, sad story.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-23-2018, 10:11 AM
 
10,241 posts, read 2,785,434 times
Reputation: 8981
Quote:
Originally Posted by amandafrom97 View Post
It seems on this forum that people believe a lot that liberal parenting produces degenerate children almost always but I wonder if the opposite can be true. Can a parent who is too strict create a child who actually "rebels" and becomes disrespectful towards others, engaging in violent criminal behavior, mentally unstable and depraved.

I heard a lot of serial killers and mass murderers actually come from pretty strict abusive parents. Now I know that a lot don't but I wonder if they had different parents (and different genetics) would they be normal.

Side question, why do you think society forgets about the strict parents that produced bad children and only looks at the liberal ones.
I think many things are the complete opposite of what you and others many feel in your bones.

Firstly, there are a couple types of "strict"...but I can say this. My parents were very liberal (for their times). We are very liberal parents. Both of us (my parents and we) have 3 successful children who are not degenerates. Small sample, I know.......

"Strict" can mean a lot of beating. Beating, especially with a weak male child or female child, can start to border on abuse (or actually can). Strict parenting can cause as shock to the system when the child gets out into the real world - the forbidden fruit situation.

Such a topic is better "modeled" than discussed. The so-called Happiest countries on earth have EXTREMELY liberal parenting. I did a lot of business in Denmark and brought my daughters and family along on some trips. Here is a story of their parenting......

My daughters were 15 an 17. They became friends with the Danish kids of the Sales Manager of the company I dealt with. The kids would have large Pizza parties downstairs (1st floor) of the Parents house.....and the Parents would go and stay upstairs. No monitoring at all. When the kids were finished with the party downstairs, they would walk into the town center (about a mile) and hang out until midnight (weekends) at their own "disco" which, of course, served beer. They would dance and drink a couple is they wanted. Sex? Well, this is Scandinavia. I can promise you that there is no faction against Planned Parenthood or similar. Parents are all well and fine with their children having sex at 15 or 16.

Because they walked or had great public transit, the parents didn't worry about drunk or buzzed driving. They slept soundly knowing their children would be home safely.

"Free Range" parenting...we might say. MUCH better than the situation in many "strict" families IMHO. The kids mostly all turn out well.

Proof is in the pudding. The Brits tend to be closer to us in style...we've all heard of the bullying at boarding schools and the headmaster who whips the kids. Guess what? They turn out more violent, unhappy, etc. in a general sense.

IMHO, one cannot be a "super strict" parent without it affecting themselves...just like one cannot be infantry in the streets of falluja and then come home and say they have not been changed by it. Parenting isn't just something you do and then go back to being your peaceful self. It's an extension of who you actually are...and your interaction with other human beings.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top