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Old 10-10-2018, 06:30 AM
 
863 posts, read 173,672 times
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These are the things people don't think about when that little bundle of joy enters the world and the demonic possession that happens between ages 2-4 and 12-14.
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Old 10-10-2018, 06:46 AM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
977 posts, read 424,464 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bungalowdweller View Post
The Three Year old is not a violent, demanding year. Something is amiss. Several posters have already mentioned the absence of the father. I'm no Yale expert but I have researched the differences in growth and personality of the young child and his behavior is a-typical and is understandable if the father is not in the home. There's no mention here about how long it has been that the child has broken off seeing his father or living with him.

No matter what the politically correct views are today, the absence of a parent can bring tremendous changes to the human personality and sense of safety, stability and self image in the young child. It is DAMAGING and can cause LASTING problems. The idea that "children today are more resiliant" is nonsense.

If mom and dad separated THIS is THE issue.
Single parenting has nothing to do with being "politically correct." Single parenting is a reality and part of that reality is that some single parents have more problems with their kids than other single parents do......just like in 2-parent households.
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Old 10-10-2018, 06:50 AM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
977 posts, read 424,464 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AcresHomes44 View Post
I'm sorry, but this 3-year old needs a belt to his behind. There's no way he would be cutting up like that with my parents or grandparents, or any of the elders in my family. Sounds to me like his parents spoiled him and now they're trying to set boundaries, but they're too late because the child is already showing out. It's a small chance he could have a developmental disorder, but for the most part, this kid needs old-school discipline.
Discipline does not require physical violence against a child. It does require consistency and consequences, but those consequences should not involve striking a child.
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Old 10-10-2018, 07:12 AM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
15,566 posts, read 9,642,463 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gusano View Post
Unless he has some documented developmental disorder, he sounds like a spoiled brat. Someone has been allowing him to misbehave for about the last two years, so itís going to be tough getting him civilized.

Have you discussed this with the childís mother? My suggestion would be that she take her child and live elsewhere if she wonít get him under control.

Those are the truest words ever printed on this forum. Good child behavior starts at birth, babies are never too young to learn that there are rules and how they should behave. I see so many parents who want to be "friends" with their children, and they consequently are lax in their parenting duties. I am best friends with my two sons, always have been, but I was also DAD, and was very strict and watchful over them.

When my twin sons were about a year old, I took them out for the day while my wife got to sleep in for a change. We went into a restaurant, and I set them up in their little car seats, and we sat there eating. After a little while, about 3 or 4 waitresses came over to the table and said, "What have you done to these two babies, they are quietly sitting here and eating !" I said " That is what they are supposed to do !"

Don't get me wrong, there was no more loving, kind Father in the world than me, but I also wanted them to learn how they should behave and act from the beginning. No one likes an unruly, out of control child. I see parents all the time who have no control over their children and then they wonder what happened. What happened was, you were lax in your parenting duties, that's what.
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Old 10-10-2018, 07:43 AM
 
Location: Billings, MT
8,988 posts, read 7,076,226 times
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I haven't read all five pages, and I don't want to.
But, as a father who raised 5 kids, including one set of twins, what I see here is a near-total lack of firm, consistent discipline. Children need to know that "If I do THAT, THIS will happen! When THIS happens because I did THAT, I won't like it!"
If it takes a couple of firm swats on the rear end, or standing with his nose in a corner (literally) for half an hour (or more), so be it.
I once knew a young, single mother who had a boy that was a holy terror. Once she wanted to visit a museum, but couldn't because of that rotten kid. I told her to go ahead, I would watch the boy outside, take your time. The boy started one of his typical tantrums, and I told him to SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP! NOW! He sat on the bench in the park, with only an occasional whimper, for over half an hour. No problem. As soon as Mommy came out, though, it was right back to the same old routine. I listened to all the possible psycho-babble explanations for the kid's bad behavior, but what it came down to was lack of real discipline. Even if the psycho-babble is the exact truth, discipline is still needed! Children MUST be taught that society imposes certain limits on "freedom of expression", and sooner or later they will HAVE to conform to those limits or be institutionalized.
Of those who do not or can not conform, some will be lucky enough to be placed in a group home where they can be cared for, some will end up in prison. Discipline, self imposed or forced by parents, can make a big difference.
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Old 10-10-2018, 07:46 AM
 
2,359 posts, read 3,026,727 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gouligann View Post
I agree with swift discipline, but just a spank. No whippings! That is physical child abuse in my books.
Some kids just don't do well in time out. (such as dijkstra says). It worked for one of mine, didn't work for the other. He tore his room apart.
Your other one that tore the room apart if put in time out sort of sounds like me. If you put my in a room by myself and I was mad, there was going to be hell to pay. I was very intelligent and would develop a plan of action to drive my parents insane when I got out of that room. At the age of 3 I knew just what buttons to push. The last time they put me in my room by myself like what is now called "time out," I pooped and smeared it all over the walls. Why did I smear poop all over the walls you may ask.....because I was smart enough to know that if I did that and they had to clean it up, they would never ever put me in my room unattended as punishment again. Guess what, I was right. lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by AcresHomes44 View Post
I'm sorry, but this 3-year old needs a belt to his behind. There's no way he would be cutting up like that with my parents or grandparents, or any of the elders in my family. Sounds to me like his parents spoiled him and now they're trying to set boundaries, but they're too late because the child is already showing out. It's a small chance he could have a developmental disorder, but for the most part, this kid needs old-school discipline.
I agree. The belt is in order. If this type of behavior is not corrected at this age, they learn they can get away with what they want later.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JOinGA View Post
Discipline does not require physical violence against a child. It does require consistency and consequences, but those consequences should not involve striking a child.
You better be glad you did not have a child like me. You would have hated life. The one and only thing that worked with me was a belt to the rear. I'm not talking about a little spank either. I am talking about a straight out butt whipping to the point of crying. I had to have the fear put in me to where I feared a whipping. Some kids are just like that and I was one. You can toss all that babble around about not striking a child and all that but you obviously did not have a kid like me. I honestly think some of these nutty kids that commit school shootings probably did not have the proper discipline growing up. Sometimes a kid just needs his butt whipped.
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Old 10-10-2018, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
15,566 posts, read 9,642,463 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dijkstra View Post
Your other one that tore the room apart if put in time out sort of sounds like me. If you put my in a room by myself and I was mad, there was going to be hell to pay. I was very intelligent and would develop a plan of action to drive my parents insane when I got out of that room. At the age of 3 I knew just what buttons to push. The last time they put me in my room by myself like what is now called "time out," I pooped and smeared it all over the walls. Why did I smear poop all over the walls you may ask.....because I was smart enough to know that if I did that and they had to clean it up, they would never ever put me in my room unattended as punishment again. Guess what, I was right. lol



I agree. The belt is in order. If this type of behavior is not corrected at this age, they learn they can get away with what they want later.



You better be glad you did not have a child like me. You would have hated life. The one and only thing that worked with me was a belt to the rear. I'm not talking about a little spank either. I am talking about a straight out butt whipping to the point of crying. I had to have the fear put in me to where I feared a whipping. Some kids are just like that and I was one. You can toss all that babble around about not striking a child and all that but you obviously did not have a kid like me. I honestly think some of these nutty kids that commit school shootings probably did not have the proper discipline growing up. Sometimes a kid just needs his butt whipped.

While no one likes child abuse, I think we have gone too far over the politically correct edge. I did spank my sons when they were younger, never felt great about it, but both have turned out to be wonderful, caring, law abiding, hard working young men that I am very proud of. An occasional swat on the behind does tend to make your point, and I was spanked as a child ( I REALLY needed it), and it has had no adverse lasting effects on me. I know my family did it out of love and to teach me right from wrong.
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Old 10-10-2018, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
977 posts, read 424,464 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by don1945 View Post
While no one likes child abuse, I think we have gone too far over the politically correct edge. I did spank my sons when they were younger, never felt great about it, but both have turned out to be wonderful, caring, law abiding, hard working young men that I am very proud of. An occasional swat on the behind does tend to make your point, and I was spanked as a child ( I REALLY needed it), and it has had no adverse lasting effects on me. I know my family did it out of love and to teach me right from wrong.
Parents hit children out of their own frustration and anger. When do I see it happen? When parents ignore the child starting to push the boundaries and do not intervene until the kid has gone way beyond the boundaries. I also raised a successful, law-abiding child and I did not hit her. However, If I said to her "stop right now or we are leaving" and she didn't stop, we left. it didn't matter if I had more shopping to do, or more dinner to eat, or more party to enjoy. You nip bad behavior in the bud and you follow through. Also, if we were out and saw another child getting in trouble, I would point out how much more pleasant our day was because she was behaving so nicely, unlike the kid getting yelled across the room. Raising a well-behaved child is work.

BTW, I was also spanked as a child. Because I was not damaged for life by it, does not make it right or necessary.
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Old 10-10-2018, 10:50 AM
DKM
 
Location: Thousand Oaks, CA
2,060 posts, read 670,106 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JOinGA View Post
Parents hit children out of their own frustration and anger.
This is sometimes true but that does not mean its always true. What worked for your daughter doesn't mean it would work for all kids. etc. etc.

One of my kids never needed a spanking, probably because he was the youngest and saw consequences for misbehavior. His older brother only needed it twice. I never hurt him and I wasn't angry when I did it. Boundaries! they were set at age 3-4 and now he's great at age 5...I see plenty of kids acting out even at age 10 who were never spanked by their well meaning liberal parents who spend lots of time "parenting" in their mind.
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Old 10-10-2018, 12:13 PM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
15,566 posts, read 9,642,463 times
Reputation: 34350
Quote:
Originally Posted by JOinGA View Post
Parents hit children out of their own frustration and anger. When do I see it happen? When parents ignore the child starting to push the boundaries and do not intervene until the kid has gone way beyond the boundaries. I also raised a successful, law-abiding child and I did not hit her. However, If I said to her "stop right now or we are leaving" and she didn't stop, we left. it didn't matter if I had more shopping to do, or more dinner to eat, or more party to enjoy. You nip bad behavior in the bud and you follow through. Also, if we were out and saw another child getting in trouble, I would point out how much more pleasant our day was because she was behaving so nicely, unlike the kid getting yelled across the room. Raising a well-behaved child is work.

BTW, I was also spanked as a child. Because I was not damaged for life by it, does not make it right or necessary.

My results were a little more instantaneous than yours ! Look, there are two schools of thought on the issue of spank vs no spank, and kids can come out ok in either scenario. But I have seen far too many "Politically correct" parents who try to reason and "time out" their kids and those kids are smart enough to know what boundaries to push.

I had a good friend years ago, he was a Psychologist. His, and his wife's, philosophy (she was also a Psychologist) was that you allow a child to express themselves and you do not interfere or inhibit that personal expression in any way. If they were sitting eating dinner, and their son dumped his bowl of food on his head, you ignored it and let him learn his own lesson from it. He was never corrected for anything he did.

The last I knew of them, their son was now in his early 20's and had been in and out of rehab for drug addiction and behavioral problems. Here were two very smart, very educated people who lacked the basic parenting skills that 90% of us possess.


That might be an extreme example, but all of us have seen out of control, spoiled rotten kids and it is not the kid who is to blame, it is the lazy, weak parents. When I spoke, my sons knew I was only going to do it one time, and then we either had a VERY serious talk, or they got the swat on their backside.
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